Last week, we heard that David Eason, the husband of Teen Mom’s Jenelle Evans, earned himself a first class ticket to Hell after he shot her dog Nugget. Nugget nipped and David and Jenelle’s daughter Ensley, so he claimed the dog was violent and he had to put Nugget down. Well, David is now being investigated by multiple agencies.
Pups do the darndest things (“Like eat your bathing suit the day you’re supposed to be going to the beach!” – my dog at 4am today), but some are particularly special. Motocross rider Greg Vannorden was visiting his parents, and because Greg is so committed to his sport, he takes every opportunity to practice his craft – including visits with the family pet! He straddles his parent’s dog Brodie, who in a moment of an identity crisis, thinks he’s Greg’s dirt bike. I think a few of us wouldn’t mind being Greg’s pretend dirt bike, but that’s a different story.
Brodie growls to coincide with each Greg pretends to rev him up before finally walking away. I guess one of those growls must have meant, “I’m over this shit. Where’s my damn Alpo?” Brodie is a real inspiration because it means dogs can be trained to behave like machines! I’m going to train my dog to behave like an ATM, so when I press his left paw, he’ll belch out $20 bills. Eh, who am I kidding? He’d just shit out a slip of paper that reads, “Insufficient funds.”
Oh, who am I even kidding. I AM that clingy ex. Kanzie, a springer spaniel from England, doesn’t take the title of man’s (or woman’s! This is 2018) best friend lightly. Her favorite position is a comatose perch against her human’s chest, and she’ll be damned if anyone tries to move her from it!
The best part is her side eye with each return to her owner’s chest. It’s a look of, “Yeah, betch. I’ve tried all the IKEA pillows in the house, and you’re the most comfortable one.” I haven’t seen a persistent, ravenous lean-in like that since my first time with a man, or my first time eating a 20-piece nugget combo at McDonald’s.
It doesn’t really give any further details, but I imagine Kanzie still has her human pinned to that chair, because she’s not ready to give up the cuddles, and she’ll cuddle until she’s had enough! The world should run on Kanzie time. Honestly, she’s a more valid reason to be pinned to a chair for days on end than our usual culprit of Netflix and a case of rosé.
There’s all sorts of ugly shit in the world right now. But each year, we can always count on the dog community to say, “You wanna see ugly? Take a look at this balding subway rat masquerading as a schnauzer” when they dole out the World’s Ugliest Dog award. This year’s winner, a nine-year-old English Bulldog named Zsa Zsa, took home the crown at the Sonoma-Marin Fair in Petaluma, CA on Saturday.
Katy Perry is on tour in Europe and brought her pupper Nugget with her. Nugget is a teenie tiny “micro teacup poodle”. Sadly, these teenie tiny dogs that are so popular with celebrities (I’m looking at you, Wonky) are about as robust as a wet Kleenex. So little Nugget fell off the bed in the hotel and had to be resuscitated with CPR! Thank goodness Katie’s assistant Tamra was on the scene. She saved Nugget’s life with a CPR technique she learned from watching a guy save a squirrel on the ani-pals website The Dodo.
In a move that I’m sure has absolutely nothing to do with controlling the damage caused by last week’s PR nightmare, Ben Affleck has recently adopted a stray dog. Ben may have hands of cheap nickel, but he’s got a heart of pure gold.