Oh, who am I even kidding. I AM that clingy ex. Kanzie, a springer spaniel from England, doesn’t take the title of man’s (or woman’s! This is 2018) best friend lightly. Her favorite position is a comatose perch against her human’s chest, and she’ll be damned if anyone tries to move her from it!
The best part is her side eye with each return to her owner’s chest. It’s a look of, “Yeah, betch. I’ve tried all the IKEA pillows in the house, and you’re the most comfortable one.” I haven’t seen a persistent, ravenous lean-in like that since my first time with a man, or my first time eating a 20-piece nugget combo at McDonald’s.
It doesn’t really give any further details, but I imagine Kanzie still has her human pinned to that chair, because she’s not ready to give up the cuddles, and she’ll cuddle until she’s had enough! The world should run on Kanzie time. Honestly, she’s a more valid reason to be pinned to a chair for days on end than our usual culprit of Netflix and a case of rosé.
There’s all sorts of ugly shit in the world right now. But each year, we can always count on the dog community to say, “You wanna see ugly? Take a look at this balding subway rat masquerading as a schnauzer” when they dole out the World’s Ugliest Dog award. This year’s winner, a nine-year-old English Bulldog named Zsa Zsa, took home the crown at the Sonoma-Marin Fair in Petaluma, CA on Saturday.
Katy Perry is on tour in Europe and brought her pupper Nugget with her. Nugget is a teenie tiny “micro teacup poodle”. Sadly, these teenie tiny dogs that are so popular with celebrities (I’m looking at you, Wonky) are about as robust as a wet Kleenex. So little Nugget fell off the bed in the hotel and had to be resuscitated with CPR! Thank goodness Katie’s assistant Tamra was on the scene. She saved Nugget’s life with a CPR technique she learned from watching a guy save a squirrel on the ani-pals website The Dodo.
In a move that I’m sure has absolutely nothing to do with controlling the damage caused by last week’s PR nightmare, Ben Affleck has recently adopted a stray dog. Ben may have hands of cheap nickel, but he’s got a heart of pure gold.
I’m pretty clueless about Game of Thrones (that’s not an invitation to leak more information, hackers). But I’m aware of the direwolf cuteness on Game of Thrones. The direwolves on Game of Thrones, like Arya Stark’s Nymeria, are obviously played by huskies and not actual wolves. According to Peter Dinklage, Game of Thrones has the same effect as 101 Dalmatians did in 1997; people are still getting pupnotized by the cuteness they seen on screen. But before you seek out a husky to recreate Game of Thrones at home, Peter is here to politely ask that you think twice about that.
Lena Dunham used to have a rescue dog named Lamby, and for a while he was the star of her Instagram. He was always getting into some kind of panty-chewing trouble and general canine urine mischief. Then Lamby got into some real trouble a couple years ago when he bit Lena in the ass and drew blood. Lamby wasn’t on Lena’s Instagram that much after that. That was over three years ago, and Lena came clean about where Lamby went. She claims Lamby was a very abused puppy and she just couldn’t handle his special needs. Except according to the Brooklyn dog rescue where she got Lamby, she’s lying.