Back in November 2014, Taryn Manning got into some trouble when she allegedly violated a restraining order that her friend turned stalker Jeanine Heller had out against her. Well, it turns out that Taryn Manning’s Jerry Springer episode meets Melrose Place episode of a life is still Taryn Manning along.
TMZ says that makeup artist Holly Hartman filed a restraining order against Taryn for allegedly bringing a beat down on her several times. Holly claims that the last time Taryn went crazy on her was back in November 2015. They were in Taryn’s apartment in NYC when Pennsyltucky allegedly headbutted her in the face, whipped her with a wet towel, put her in a headlock and sprayed Windex in her eyes and mouth. In Taryn’s defense, if a makeup artist did my makeup like that, I’d probably tell her to clean her eyes with Windex too. The violent craziness didn’t end there, so claims Holly.
Holly also says in the documents that Taryn Manning dared her to kill Pennsyultucky from Orange is the New Black:
She says during the fight, Manning yelled … “Pick a knife. I’m wearing a white shirt there will be a lot of blood. You will be famous for killing Taryn Manning.”
So let’s see, Taryn headbutted, towel whipped and Windex’d a woman before daring said woman to stab her to death? Lindsay Lohan is laughing at that amateur meltdown, because that’s what she calls a slow day.
Holly filed a request for a restraining order in L.A. instead of in NYC, where the beating allegedly went down, so the judge denied it. Taryn was also arrested in 2012 for allegedly attacking Holly. The charges were later dropped.
Taryn, of course, has slapped back at Holly. Taryn’s lawyers claim that Holly is under investigation for stalking and stealing from her. They think that Holly filed for a restraining order to “obscure her own wrong doing.” Taryn plans to take legal action against Holly.
Taryn also tweeted this today:
It's always settling when you find out your friend aided in your convicted stalker all the while sleeping with your man. So I walked away.
— tarynmanning (@TarynManning) January 29, 2016
I know exactly what Taryn is talking about because that happens to me almost every other week!
Every controversy has to have its shot of WTF and I thought the Original Aunt Viv gave us that when she dragged “Miss Thing” Jada Pinkett Smith and Will Smith in a Facebook video. But nope, Alexis Arquette has done the honors.
Two days after Jada declared that she’s boycotting the Oscars over their all-white acting nominations, Alexis Arquette has come out of nowhere and slapped her and Will down. Alexis has her own reason for why she’s not supporting Jada’s Oscar boycott.
Alexis has gone from talking about how fucking Jared Leto feels like a Praetorian Guard is marching up into your asshole to talking about how Will and Jada are double bearding each other. The rumors about Jada and Will being bi swingers have been around since the beginning of time and Alexis said on Facebook (via ONTD) today that it’s true. According to full-time wreck Alexis Arquette, Will’s first marriage ended when his wife caught his ass bouncing on Benny Medina. Alexis also brought up how Will Smith refused to kiss another dude while filming Six Degrees of Separation. Alexis is not going to stand by Jada and Will until they come twirling out of the closet while loudly declaring their love for cooch and dick. What I got from Alexis’ post is that she thinks Will and Jada are hypocrites for preaching about acceptance when they’re main residence is still in the closet. I think.
And Scientology is coming for Alexis in 3..2.. (UPDATE: Alexis’ post has been deleted, but screen shots live forever.)
The only thing I have to add to this mess is that I wish I could put “He Was Best Known For Butt Servicing His Sugar Daddy” on my tombstone.
A few months ago, Azealia Banks allegedly spit in a French dude’s face and called a flight attendant a “fucking faggot” on a plane. After that mess, Azealia should’ve tried to chill all the way out by meditating in a Calgon bath while Enya played in the background and the soothing scent of angel whispers wafting off of a lit Glade candle filled her nostrils. Or she should’ve taken her ass to anger management. But nope, Azealia Banks is still being Azealia Banks and early this morning she got arrested after her delusions of grandeur got the best of her and she took a bite out of a chichi.
Scientists looking for concrete proof that delusion is the secret ingredient in meth got what they were searching for in the tweet that pop twink turned Hilary Duff stalker Aaron Carter burped up yesterday. Aaron tweeted (and later deleted), “Remember one very important thing. Michael passed down the torch to me. I never had to ask for him to do that,” and that pretty much made Twitter ring the bell because the games had begun.
When a bunch of people on Twitter threw Aaron the same “uh huh, bitch” look that my friends throw at me when I tell them I’m going on a 5 day booze and weed cleanse, he defended himself and stamped the word “bully” on the hos who laughed at him for saying he’s the Michael Jackson of our time. I read the string of tweets this morning and thought they were going to bring the laughs, but they quickly nose dived straight into a puddle of SADS.
Some of the tweets that Aaron tweeted up are after the cut and in case you didn’t know, his nickname for Michael Jackson is “Dookie.” I mean….
The answer to the question, “What happens when you give children of the 1% as much weed as they want and let them school themselves?”, was answered last year when Jaden Smith and Willow Smith did a brain-melting interview with T Magazine where they went on about prana energy and metaphysics. If you figured then that Jaden would one day switch his strain and outgrow that phase, you were wrong, because it’s a year later and his 17-year-old brain is still spitting out nuggets of solid foolery. Will and Jada Pinkett Smith’s son did an interview with GQ, for some reason, and he brought us into his world of pyramids and science. If HBO ever decides to do a season of True Detective in space, they should get Jaden Smith to write the script.
It’s nice to know that Azealia Banks doesn’t only mouth fart up the “faggot” word and bust out massive amounts of crazy on Twitter. Azealia Banks does it in the world outside of Twitter too! At least she’s consistently HER.
Iggy Azalea’s #1 fan (served on a plate of freshly washed sarcasm) and a sort-of supporter of Donald Trump’s thoughts on immigration (not served on a plate of freshly washed sarcasm) was on a flight from NYC to LAX early this morning and she gave passengers several servings of her signature messiness when the plane landed. A passenger tells TMZ that after the plane landed at 1 this morning, Azealia was more than ready to get off of that bitch and she grabbed her bag before quickly making her way to the exit. Azealia was in the 6th row and her plan to get off the plane first was blocked by a French couple in the 3rd row. The couple was in the aisle getting their bags from the overhead and when Azealia tried to squeeze by them, the French dude “put his hand out” to block her. That little move switched Azalea’s switch and bitch went off on him in more ways than one.
We’ve all had to deal with screaming babies or toddlers whose parents don’t try to shush them up. Even though a non-stop crying baby scrapes four layers off of my nerves, I’ve always tried to keep it together and not lose it, because I don’t want to be known as the ice cold cunt who made a kid cry more. (I can’t believe I typed that last part. I don’t know myself anymore.) But well, there’s a diner owner in Maine who doesn’t care and will gladly tell off a crying toddler.
On Father’s Day, stale flax seed and lavender breadstick Blake NotSoLively threw up this picture on Instagram of her husband Ryan Reynolds and their 6-month-old baby daughter James with the caption: “Happy Fathers Day!!! … @vancityreynolds Since the day our baby was born, I’ve felt so strongly in my heart that you were most likely the father.” Insert “nervous laugh from Ben Affleck” here.
Some people weren’t laughing at Blake NotSoLively’s joke, because they were too busy screaming their tonsils off for the policía, the FBI, Obama, Child Protective Services, Mary Poppins and Mama Rabbit over the way Baby James is sitting in that baby backpack thing. When I see that picture, I see baby feet hanging out of a baby backpack thing. But when mad moms see that picture, they practically see Ryan Reynolds dangling his baby over a river full of blood-thirsty, hungry great white sharks. I know that great white sharks don’t live in rivers, but mad moms aren’t thinking clearly, because the veins in their brains are pumped full of boiling outrage.
Seen above looking like a fourth-rate Yellow Pages DMC from Run DMC impersonator sticking out of a giant grizzly bear’s pussy, Diddy was arrested by campus police at UCLA this afternoon after he allegedly went crazy on his son’s football coach and threatened to smash a trick with a kettlebell. If you’re like me and don’t know what a kettlebell is, because you only go to the gym to watch buff guys workout and to use the hot tub, this is what a kettlebell looks like:
TMZ says that the fight went down at the UCLA Athletic Facility today. A source tells TMZ that yesterday, a Strength and Conditioning Coach (Side note: My hair could use a Strength and Conditioning Coach because shit has been brittle and dry lately) screamed at Diddy’s son Justin Combs, who is a defensive back on the team, and rode his ass hard (and not in a sexy way). The coach Sal Alosi allegedly told Justin not to come back until the end of the summer. So Diddy went to UCLA today to have a little talk with Sal Alosi.
A source close to Diddy (Hi Diddly’s publicist!) claims that Sal Alosi refused to see him, but he busted into the office anyway. Sal threatened to call security and shit got serious when Diddy said, “Fine, I’ll call the police.” Sal lost his mind and went after Diddy. Diddy grabbed a kettlebell and held it up, but never hit Sal with it. A UCLA source tells a different story, of course. That source claims that Sal was on the phone when Diddy came into the office. Sal told Diddy to hold on, but the only thing he wanted to hold on to was Sal’s ripped-off head. That source says that Diddy picked up the kettlebell and tried to hit Sal in the head with it.
Diddy was arrested on a charge of assault with a deadly weapon. As of Monday night, Diddy is still in campus jail. (Update: Diddy was transferred to L.A. County jail where he was charged with three counts of assault with a deadly kettlebell, one count of making terrorist threats and one count of battery. He paid the $50,000 bail and was released.)
The entire messy scene is on video, so I’m sure it will show up on TMZ in 3..2….
There’s another layer of fuckery on top of this fuckery enchilada. Sal Alosi used to be a coach for the NY Jets and he was suspended by the NFL in 2010 for purposefully tripping a Miami Dolphins player during a game.
I bet that video looks like a fight on Dance Moms, only bitchier and with more high-pitched screaming. You know what’s hard to believe about this story? I’m having a hard time believing that Diddy actually picked up that kettlebell by himself. I mean, Diddly can’t even hold an umbrella in his delicately manicured hands. Are we sure one of his butlers didn’t pick up the kettlebell for him?
A serious, serious thing happened the other day: Joss Whedon quit Twitter. And Joss Whedon quit around the same time that the poetic child of a peyote plant and a PM. Dawn lyrics sheet, Jaden Smith, quit too. How we’ll be able to pick up the pieces and go on as a people is beyond me.
I figured that Joss Whedon left Twitter, because the Avengers: Age of Ultron made six trajillion dollars and it’s kind of hard to type 140 character-long tweets while you’re doing yourself with a solid gold dildo as one slave exfoliates your bald head with crushed canary diamonds and another slave massages your balls with a Pegasus feather. But others figured Joss Whedon quit the bitch that is Twitter because feminists dragged his ass for the way Black Widow was treated in Age of Ultron. Others argued that it’s not solely Joss Whedon’s fault, because he was basically Marvel’s well-paid corporate bitch and they fought over storylines and scenes in the Avengers. Patton Oswalt piped in and also said that the tea party version of feminists chased Joss away. (Patton Oswalt later deleted that tweet and took it back. But when is he going to take back his unholy rant against ginger angel Phoebe Price?!)
Joss Whedon wanted to put a stop to all the talk that the mean, angry feminists made him pick up his toys and leave the playground. So Joss called Buzzfeed and told them that he didn’t leave Twitter because of the Avengers hate. He left because he needs to get shit done.