Allison and I both saw Halloween over the weekend, so we prove that we’re the new Siskel & Ebert (if Siskel & Ebert knew nothing about movies and had trash taste) by talking about it, rating it, and worshiping at the badass memaw feet of Laurie Strode. But before we do that, we get into Amy Schumer telling Maroon 5 to quit the Super Bowl halftime show, Prince William’s jealous bone possibly shaking over how much attention Duchess Kate and Prince Hot Ginge are getting, and the morbid replica of the Titanic. Allison also imagines what Amy Schumer’s baby is going to look like and I cast myself in a porn starring Chris Hemsworth and his hot friend.
And for our Halloween episode, we’re asking listeners to send in their real scary stories. So e-mail us at firstname.lastname@example.org if you’ve got one!
…..walk into a bar.
At the tippity top of the episode, I beg the universe and ask Allison to please pray for me to win the Mega Millions and Power Ball lotteries. I promise to do good with the money by preserving art (read: buying the rights to The Golden Girls so nobody can reboot it) and also using some to try to buy the love of a man who will never look at me even if I threw $970 million at him. Then Allison and I get into Roseanne’s disgust over how ABC killed her character, Keira Knightley and Kristen Bell’s disgust over some princess stories, and a high school student’s disgust over a classmate allegedly giving him a cookie spiked with her grandaddy’s ashes. The topics of Sex Dolls modeled after a dead spouse and Kleenex cum rags also come up (pun intended), so clearly this episode was co-produced by The New York Times.
We end by asking you all to send in scary stories for our Halloween episode. No, you watching the news while sober isn’t a scary story. Actually it is, but that’s not the kind of scary story we’re looking for. E-mail us at email@example.com if you’ve got one!
One good thing this podcast has done for me is given me yet another platform where I can curse Duchess Meghan for getting to do Prince Hot Ginge on the regular. And I do that for a good chunk of this episode. Allison and I talk about the latest royal baby news. Then we get into the tragic split of Piggy Smalls’ parents and go back in time to when Nicole Kidman was married to Tom Cruise. We also dreamcast the Amy Winehouse biopic and spit at the makers of the Golden Girls cereal. Thank you for NOT being a friend to Golden Girls fans, Funko.
You can listen to us on iTunes, Stitcher, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, and Google Play. And if you want to drop us a note, e-mail us at: firstname.lastname@example.org!
It’s a very special day today (and no, I’m not talking about Princess Eugenie’s wedding, but congrats, girl). It’s Allison birthday, and we should devote the entire episode to her, but we’ve got business to get into like Lana Del Rey vs. Azealia Banks, Kanye West visiting the Orange House, and the emotional support squirrel who was kicked off of a Frontiers flight. We also quickly say words about Chassie (Channing Tatum and Jessie) and Melania Trump getting on the cross to declare herself one of the most bullied people in the world. Our episode ends with Allison and I taking a page from Lena Dunham by listing our most favorite and least favorite of Taylor Swift’s boyfriends. And yes, I’m still judging Birthday Girl Allison for her most favorite.
You can listen to us on iTunes, Stitcher, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, and Google Play. If you’ve got any story ideas or want advice from us, e-mail us at: email@example.com!
After skipping an episode because I nearly died (I just had food poisoning), Allison and I are back to talk about Taylor Swift pulling a Taylor Swift by endorsing Democrats right before the mid-terms after taking Red State money, Keira Knightley getting blacklisted from Buckingham Palace FOREVER, and the feel-good plot twist of the My Son viral story. We also cry over the end of everlasting love (the break up of Ben Affleck and that 22-year-old Playboy model) and brain-burp out question marks over Sean Penn possibly being at a gender reveal party. We finish up the episode by giving our thoughts on A Star Is Born. And yes, I’m waiting for the porn parody called A Dirt Star Gets Boned, which would definitely be a better movie.
You can listen to us on iTunes, Stitcher, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, and Google Play. If you’ve got any story ideas or want advice from two wrecks who shouldn’t be giving advice, e-mail us at: firstname.lastname@example.org!
Dlisted: The Podcast, Episode 15 – A Double Dose Of Potent Foolery (AKA Kanye West And Lindsay Lohan)
Just when I was beginning to think that Allison and I would have nothing from the weekend to talk shit about, a giant double train wreck happened. Kanye West went off the rails again, and the ginger Babadook that is Lindsay Lohan really went off the rails when she tried to snatch a child in Moscow. Once we get ourselves out of that double cloud of messiness, we also talk about Netflix copying Choose Your Own Adventure, Gwyneth Paltrow’s wedding, and the tears of an influencer. We end with slobbering over 90s cereals we want back in our mouths.
You can listen to us on iTunes, Stitcher, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, and Google Play. And if you’ve got any tips, story ideas, or want not-that-deep advice about a dilemma that is not-that-deep, e-mail us at: email@example.com!