At the top of this episode, I completely blow Allison’s mind by telling her the identity of the musical superstar legend who is responsible for our podcast theme song. After Allison picks up the pieces of her blown mind off the floor, we get into Page Six becoming the captain of Team Pitt, Ethan Hawke getting dragged by a rage mob of nerds, Miranda Lambert dumping her married boyfriend as soon as he became legally single, and Noah Cyrus and her SoundCloud rapper boyfriend trying to turn Billy Ray Cyrus into a stoner (if he isn’t already one). My dog Elvie also makes a couple of guest appearances by barking in the background. And yes, he provides the most insightful and articulate commentary of the episode.
That smug b-hole Jack from Jack In The Box is either going to hit us up with, “Keep my name out your filthy mouths,” or a thank you, depending on what his idea of good publicity is. Because Jack In The Box is the theme of our fourth episode. It first comes up when Allison and I discuss Ben Affleck’s third trip to rehab. Also in this episode, we get into Jim Parsons ending The Big Bang Theory, and we dreamcast Endora in the Bewitched reboot. We end with giving our advice about fast food delicacies (and yup, Jack In The Box comes up again) and gay sex clubs. Fast food and sex clubs: the perfect combo!
Since Allison and I love our games (those damn games), we start off our third episode with an MTV VMAs-themed game before wrapping our brains around the show including getting into Madonna summoning a side-eye from Queen Aretha, The Hills revival, and which Backstreet Boy we want to hump on the most. Allison also teaches me how to say “Canuck” (and I promise to never say it again, Canadians), we talk about dick a lot, and we end the show by saying goodbye to a seasoned segment. And by “seasoned” I mean “two episodes old.”
We’re also planning to introduce a segment called Shit Advice, where Allison and I, the last two people on earth who should be giving advice, will give advice to anybody with a problem that isn’t too deep for us. So if you’ve got a problem we can handle (examples of that: “Which Dynasty character should I dress as for Halloween?” or “Is it weird to sniff my man’s crotch to make sure he’s not cheating?”), e-mail your dilemma to: email@example.com.
On this, our second episode, I confess that I hate the sound of my voice, but yet also say I love my gay voice (don’t ever accuse me of making sense,) and then Allison and I wrap whatever is left of our brains around the never-ending Brangelina divorce saga, Omarosa dropping tape after tape, the dickmatization of Ariana Grande by alleged BDE sorcerer Pete Davidson, and the blasphemy of the Designing Women reboot. I also attempt to guess another Hot Slut of the Day from the past. Will I end up as the Susan Lucci of the HSOTD game and barely come up with a win? Take a wild guess.
You can listen to us on iTunes, Stitcher, TuneIn, and Google Play. (Spotify is on its way!) And if you’ve got any ideas, tips or comments on the mess we say, e-mail us at: firstname.lastname@example.org. Yes, I know “dtp” sounds like a sex act. That’s the point!
It was 4,983,984 in internet years (which is last summer in regular years) when I said that a Dlisted podcast was making its way through the gutters of my brain and would be out soon. Well, my definition of soon is “over a year,” but better late than never. (“Um, Michael, you should’ve stuck with never.” – anyone who listens to the first episode)
The Dlisted podcast is like Dlisted for your ears (grab some antibiotic drops), and since it’s only around 30 minutes long, it’s a short, little nugget of mindless pop culture fluffery. We recorded this first episode on August 9, so the stories are a little dusty. The stories will be a little fresher in future episodes.
In our very first episode, Allison and I start things out with a BANG (served with sarcasm) by talking about Kansas, and then we also get into the Brangelina divorce mess, the Oscars trying to bring in those millennials, and the latest dumb nugget to come out of Lindsay Lohan’s mouth. I also try to guess a Hot Slut of the Day from the past and I drop a C-bomb. Allison does an impeccable Camila Cabello impersonation and almost gets fired for admitting she’s never watched Dynasty. LE GASP!
You can listen to it on iTunes, Stitcher and Google Play. (Spotify is coming soon.) If you’re into it, subscribe and rate! If you ain’t into it, subscribe (because everyone needs something to hate-listen to) but go ahead and skip the rating part.