February 15 is one of the greatest days of the year. It’s when Valentine’s Day candy is 50% off! After Allison and I talk about Red Friday and our thrilling Valentine’s Day plans, we score our Grammy predictions (SPOILER ALERT: we suck at predicting) before diving into a pool of foolery by talking about Thomas Markle winning Father of 2019, Ellen Page calling out the anti-LGBTQ views of Chris Pratt’s church, and Dina Lohan getting catfished. We also quickly talk about Miranda Lambert tossing salad in public, Lady Gaga splitting with her fiancé, the Fiji Water vs. The Fiji Water Girl legal battle, and the sad news about House Hunters going narrator-less.
We also answer advice questions about introducing porn-watching to a relationship, and if tiny hands equal a tiny peen. I think we both earned our PhD in anatomy with the answers we give about the second one.
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A quick second into this episode, Allison and I slip on our Easy Spirit pumps and powerwalk through the racist revenge fantasy messiness created by Liam Neeson, and then we run through the WTFness that came out of Michelle Rodriguez’s mouth while defending him. Once we finish that, we talk about Justin Bieber and Hailey Baldwin’s Vogue cover, the terrifying closet ghost of North Carolina, and Delta and Coca-Cola joining forces to bring some junior high school romance to flights. We also quickly get into Jennifer Lawrence’s engagement, Kate Beckinsale and Pete Davidson, Gwyneth Paltrow’s ski accident, Bradley Cooper’s woes about not getting a Best Director Oscar nomination, and Steve Buscemi’s thoughts on being deepfaked.
We end by predicting the Grammy winners, which leads to that damn The Middle song burrowing into my brain again. BAY-BEH!
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On the last episode, my already-mangled tongue mangled the names of several Oscar nominees, so at this top of this show, I try to redeem myself by pronouncing their names right. Allison the mangles the hell out of my last name. Then we talk about the SAGs, which leads to Allison teaching me that “Girl Guide” is Canadian for “Girl Scout.” We move on to the Michael Jackson documentary, Prince Philip’s car crash, Lindsay Lohan’s triumphant return to the cinema, and Katie Price adopting a Nigerian child.
We end with giving our thoughts on Rent:Live and agreeing that it was a successful masterpiece (read: the opposite)!
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Dlisted: The Podcast, Episode 33 – Woe Is Bradley Cooper! Where’s Mister Rogers? And Other Oscar Nominations Talk
After a 4,598 year hiatus (or a little over a month if you want to be specific about it), we are back with a third co-host. Allison delivered a human bundle of baby and she joins us for the first part of this episode. We got rid of her for the second part, because she goo goo’d out lines that are a million times funnier and smarter than anything we could come up with and we were tired of her showing us up like that.
Allison and I get into the Oscar nominations from the snubs to the surprises to the predictions to me butchering name after name while angering my ancestors. We also say a few words about Chris Brown’s latest arrest, Anne Hathaway giving up booze for her kid, and the lavish dog funeral. We end with me asking Allison the question of 2019: Would you suck dick to get Evian into the Fyre Festival?
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Since Allison is off to birth out a human, it’s our last episode of the year, and it’s a mega episode complete with tech problems on my end (YAY!). (And listen, a 43-minute episode is a mega one to us, because we’re lazy.) We countdown what we think are the top stories of 2018, ranging from The Messy Markles to the blink-and-you-missed-it eternal love of Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson to shoe-throwing ninja Cardi B. And of course, our #1 story of the year is the biggest story of the year, and any end-of-the-year-list that doesn’t have it as #1 is a lie. We also make a few predictions for 2019. Tyler Henry can totally retire now.
We’ll be back to terrorize your ears in January 2019. Subscribe to us on iTunes to get our latest episode!
This is our final regular episode of the year, because Allison is about to give birth to our third co-host, who is definitely going to outdo us in the jokes and “making sense” department. But before then, we shove our faces deep into a plate of Golden Globes and talk about the nominations including how Ted Danson and Olivia the Dog from Widows were wrongly snubbed. We also talk about the random one-second feud between Jessica Simpson and Natalie Portman, and the cheesecake chaos caused by The Cheesecake Factory. We end by talking shit about Cardi B and Offset’s split, the six french fries serving suggestion from a Harvard professor, Kanye West committing a sin by using his phone during The Cher Show, and my dream of seeing Faye Dunaway as a 30-something Katharine Hepburn. Allison helps us go without a bang by busting out her impeccable “Schnap out of it!” impersonation.
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