We recorded this episode on September 13, the day of the New York primary election, so I start off with openly dreaming about Rojo Caliente (aka Cynthia Nixon’s wife) getting one step closer to becoming the First Lady of New York. (Don’t tell yesterday-me that my dream has been shattered!) After I go on a bit about First Lady Rojo and imagine Sandra Lee’s victory cake, Allison and I get into the plight of blondes, world renowned scientist Matthew McConaughey’s thoughts on single-parent families, the mystery of Henry Cavill’s future as Superman, and Marky Mark’s daily schedule of prayin’, eatin’, workin’ out, and eatin’. And we end by giving fashion advice to a listener since we, who regularly wear fashions from the Haus of Sweats, are fashion experts!
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“Robitussin jizz” is a phrase I say during this episode, so yeah, this one deep dives into the gutter. But don’t they all? Before I brain burp up about Pfizer-produced spunk, Allison and I talk about the Harper’s Brawl-zaar between Cardi B and Nicki Minaj, the dark underworld of the tiger keeper game, EGOTs, the possible end of the $5 footlong, and more lies told by Kim Kardashian. We end by saying a prayer to the Gods to bring back our favorite food things from the 90s. Here our prayers, Gods!
If you’re into us and want to rate us, rate us! If you’re not into us, do what our ex-boyfriends did: ghost us! You can listen to us on iTunes, Stitcher, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, and Google Play. And if you’ve got any ideas, tips, story ideas, or want our advice on something, e-mail us at: firstname.lastname@example.org.
Beware! If nothing makes your ears curl like butchered Spanish, skip a couple of minutes into this episode, because Allison and I attempt to speak it. My abuelita and dead Spanish relatives are all rolling in their graves. Once Allison and I offend all Spanish speakers, we tackle Goop getting in trouble for their coochie egg promises, Michael Moore saying Gwen Stefani is the reason why President Trump exists, and the tale of the people who may have screwed over a homeless man. And because we seem to be experts on eating habits in the workplace, we answer a listener question about a gross eater in their office. Oh, and I listen as question marks come out of Allison’s head as I tell her the rumored cast of the next Dancing with the Stars.
You can listen to us on iTunes, Stitcher, TuneIn, and Google Play. And if you’ve got any ideas, tips, story ideas or need advice about eating habits in the workplace, e-mail us at: email@example.com.
My dream of being able to make a Caroline In The City reference finally came true in this latest episode while talking about how Allison is also a highly-skilled artiste. Allison drew our faces for our podcast artwork, and after we agree that my cartoon face looks like George Takei holding in a fart and she looks like a sleepy stoner, we defend actor/ex-Trader Joe’s employee Geoffrey Owens against the jobs shamers, I slobber at the mouth about chocolate covered frozen bananas, and we discuss the woman who got caught dipping chicken fangers into Coca-Cola at the U.S. Open. We end with quickly talking about Janet Jackson not knowing what Hot Cheetos are. So yeah, we talk about chocolate covered frozen bananas, chicken fingers, and Hot Cheetos. We’re basically a gourmet food podcast now.
You can listen to us on iTunes, Stitcher, TuneIn, and Google Play. And if you’ve got any ideas, tips, story ideas or need advice from two people who shouldn’t be giving advice, e-mail us at: firstname.lastname@example.org.
If this episode had a theme, it’d be “dicks of all kinds.” But then again, isn’t that the theme of every one of our episodes? On this episode, Allison and I talk about Louis C.K. trying to make a comeback, the sad end of HBO’s sex education programming, and we also try to come up with a better excuse than the excuse a dog sitter gave to an Olympic champion swimmer after he walked in on two shirtless dudes in his living room, a bottle of lube on the table, his dog Jimbo locked in the bedroom, and her in the shower. We end the show by answering listener questions and bestowing our wisdom (read: the opposite of wisdom) on problems like how to deal with an annoying friend and what to do about a co-worker who keeps microwaving fish in the office. And if you’re a co-worker who keeps microwaving fish in the office, do the right thing and turn yourself into the police right now.
At the top of this episode, I completely blow Allison’s mind by telling her the identity of the musical superstar legend who is responsible for our podcast theme song. After Allison picks up the pieces of her blown mind off the floor, we get into Page Six becoming the captain of Team Pitt, Ethan Hawke getting dragged by a rage mob of nerds, Miranda Lambert dumping her married boyfriend as soon as he became legally single, and Noah Cyrus and her SoundCloud rapper boyfriend trying to turn Billy Ray Cyrus into a stoner (if he isn’t already one). My dog Elvie also makes a couple of guest appearances by barking in the background. And yes, he provides the most insightful and articulate commentary of the episode.