After what feels like a month of Sundays, Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck have finally reached a settlement in their multi-million dollar divorce. This is great news for them and even better news for us. This doesn’t mean that the divorce is OVER over, but this should be the next to last post we have to read about this divorce until the final nail is hammered into the coffin of BenJen II (as opposed to l’original BenJen: Ben and Jennifer Lopez . Pour a little out for the cinematic masterpiece that is “Gigli“, my friends. Never forget!).
If Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner don’t get to steppin’, they’re going to end up being married for another few years past their expiration date as a couple. A judge already told them that if they can’t settle up PDQ, the court may call off their divorce and they will have to refile. Leading up to today, Jen’s been dragging her heels and taking her sweet time, while Ben has been tapping his toes in anticipation. And, according to US Weekly, Ben’s sobriety (or lack thereof) is the reason Jen won’t pull the trigger. Thanks to her, we may have to keep hearing about this infernal divorce for years to come.
UsWeekly says that 55-year-old Nia Vardalos and 52-year-old Ian Gomez (aka Andy from Cougar Town) are divorcing after being married for a quarter of a century. According to documents, they went with the usual reason – irreconcilable differences. They were married in September 1993. Oh my god, an early-90s wedding; I can practically smell the Payless dyeable satin pumps.
Nia and Ian share an 11-year-old daughter named Ilaria, who they’ve asked for joint legal custody of.
Both Nia and Ian appeared together in seven films, including My Big Fat Greek Wedding 1 & 2, Connie and Carla, and I Hate Valentine’s Day. They also co-hosted the first two seasons of The Great American Baking Show. Neither Nia nor Ian have confirmed the news themselves, but thanks to a recent tweet Nia made, I’ve already started to imagine what her newly single life is life.
Antoni, I’m inviting myself and we’re making poutine gyros. https://t.co/54cFcmwK3I
— Nia Vardalos (@NiaVardalos) June 26, 2018
Random meats covered in cheese and salty gravy, surrounded by Antoni’s always-present redundant dips. That sounds exactly like what “Fuck it, I’m getting divorced” food should be.
After just shy of two years, TMZ says that Mary J. Blige is officially divorced from her former manager and husband of 13 years Kendu Isaacs. Their divorce fight was long and grimy. Kendu reportedly wanted $130,000 a month in spousal support, then dropped it to $65,000 a month, while Mary was accusing him of dropping almost half a million on a mistress and claiming to be too broke to cut him such big checks. In March it was reported that they’d finally come to a settlement.
It was a real cliffhanger for fans of Mary’s bank account, and it still is. TMZ says that a judge signed off on Mary’s divorce yesterday. Even though they came to a settlement agreement already, the details still needed to be worked out.
Mary and Kendu were married for 13 years, but didn’t have any kids, so there’s no custody battle.
I don’t think you have to be a descendant of Poirot to figure out who got what. The biggest clue will be Kendu himself. Kendu claimed he needed $130,000 a month in spousal support, then $65,000, to support his luxe lifestyle. A man who was willing to settle for a measly $780,000 a year will show it in his face. Like when you pull up next to Kendu at a red light and see his depressed, tear-stained staring back at you from the backseat of a chauffeured Hyndai Sonata.
I’ll admit I love a good ol’ fashioned divorce merry-go-round where a couple keeps splitting up and hurling divorce papers only to reconcile a few months later. But Naya Rivera and Ryan Dorsey’s mess was a little less enjoyable, because in between filing divorce papers two different times, Ryan had accused a drunk Naya of getting violent and abusive on him over Thanksgiving. Thankfully for themselves, and I’m sure the sanity of those around them, they’re officially divorced.
Halle Berry and her third husband Olivier Martinez were married for two years, and they’ve been dragging out their divorce longer than that. They could technically start celebrating the anniversary of when they first filed divorce papers. Halle and Olivier may love keeping it messy, but the court system that has to deal with them clearly doesn’t.