In the knowing words of internet disciple Antoine Dodson, who prophesized this moment a decade ago, “Hide yo’ kids, hide yo’ wife and hide yo’ husband” because Angeline Jolie and Brad Pitt are officially single. That’s right, the pink construction paper heart that once read “Brangelina” has been ripped down the middle, and “Bra” and “Ngelina” stand alone, slightly altered versions of their pre-coupled selves. But you can stop jumping for joy thinking that this is the last you will be hearing from these mofos until they start publicly banging new people. Although the law has declared them officially single, Angelina and Brad are still hammering out the never-ending terms of their divorce (and probably because she wants him back!!!). If they could only take a pair of ripple edge children’s scissors and cut down the middle of their bank account and kids, we’d all be over this already.
When crime boss Tori Spelling announced that she was getting 90210‘s toughest street gang, The Peach Pit Vipers, back together, Jennie Garth must have told her assistant to immediately clear everything on her schedule. Somehow her third husband Dave Abrams also got cleared from her schedule, as the couple has been quietly slated for D-I-V-O-R-C-E (in Tammy Wynette drawl) since last Spring. However, those future 90210 bucks will continue to heft up their community property, as Dave has decided to yank his divorce petition.
I miss the days when I used to see JWoww (government name: Jenni Farley) and her BFF Snooki (government name: Smurfette) drinking and falling over each other back when Jersey Shore was my go-to guilty pleasure. But then they grew up and had families, which should have been their happy ending. This is not the case for JWoww, whose marriage to juiced-up dingleberry Roger Mathews has been on a downward spiral for a while. First JWoww filed for divorce, then she let everyone know that Roger doesn’t adhere to the rule that you’re not supposed to get physical with your spouse. Now, in an unsurprising twist, Roger is contesting their prenup and requesting child support.
I didn’t even know that Adrian Pasdar and Natalie Maines from the Dixie Chicks had headed to Splitsville (as my mom would say) nearly two years ago, because they were keeping it classy and quiet like real sophisticated grown-ups with children to set an example for. But apparently teacup-sized fashion pigs aren’t flying over Hollywood today, because this split is taking a predictable messy turn. Adrain has flipped his “no more Mr. Nice Guy” switch and is asking the courts to award him over $60,000 a month in spousal and child support from Natalie’s pocket book (or cowboy boot or wherever it is that cowgirls keep their loot).
Offset, 1/3 of the Three Amigos hip-hop reboot, Migos, is trying really, really hard to get estranged wife Cardi B back into his clutches. I was going to lead with a full sentence of Cardi-speak and turn all the “c“s into “b“s, but that shit got messy on the page real quick, so all I can say is, Offset was up to some shady shit with some side pieces which got him ejected from Cardi’s bed, and now he has resorted to public humiliation via Instagram to try to get her back. Continue reading
A-Rod is currently living the life as Jennifer Lopez’s boyfriend, which you could say makes thing pretty good at the moment, relationship-wise. But not all is smiles and sequins in A-Rod’s world. Behind the scenes, he’s reportedly fighting with his ex-wife over money, and it’s messy. A-Rod isn’t making baseball money anymore and he doesn’t want to pay professional baseball player-levels of spousal support.