Category: Disney

Open Post: Hosted By Michael Keaton Giving You Silver Daddy Imperiousness On His “Dumbo” Poster

January 6, 2019 / Posted by:

Michael Keaton is a class act and always has been since Mister Mom right on up until he quietly shelved his Oscars acceptance speech when he didn’t win Best Actor for Birdman. And finally, the class act within has been turned without and we see him in his full glory! Here’s Michael Keaton done up as “V.A. Vandervere” in he upcoming live-action Dumbo flick. Please note the wavy perfection of the hair, the austere blue of the shades, and the sexy, commanding finger on that cane. Cane ME, Mr. Vandervere! Silver Fox Michael Keaton is already the best-dressed at tonight’s Golden Globes and I don’t think he’s even going to tonight’s Golden Globes.

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What A Great Promo Picture For A Community Theater Production Of “Aladdin.” Oh, Wait…

December 19, 2018 / Posted by:

I was initially going to say that this looks like a low-budget, fuck effort cover of a cheap Aladdin porn parody, but they’re all wearing way too many damn stupid clothes for that! Does Guy Ritchie’s live-action version of Disney’s Aladdin take on global warming, and in this one, the Middle-East is always cold and it never gets to “whip those hot man nipples out” Fahrenheit?

Entertainment Weekly put out the first pictures from Aladdin starring Will Smith as the Genie, Naomi Scott as Princess Jasmine, and Mena Massoud as the title character, and while my first wish to a genie would be for a hot piece of man who cums bitcoins, others would wish for this live-action Aladdin to disappear in a cloud of smoke FOREVER. Because well, Jambi from Pee-Wee Herman looks more like the cartoon genie from Aladdin than Will Smith does. And my 80s self, who used to put his troll doll’s hair into a topknot, is calling 911 on Guy Ritchie, Disney, and Will Smith, because that goatee looks like the scalped-off topknot of a troll doll.

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Johnny Depp Probably Won’t Be Involved With The “Pirates Of The Caribbean” Reboot

October 26, 2018 / Posted by:

It’s a sad day for Keith Richards, for it would appear his 14-year-long spiritual biopic has finally come to an end. “But how do I die?” asks a crestfallen Keith. Oh Keith, you don’t die – you outlive us all. But one thing that has apparently been shoved into Hollywood’s morgue is Johnny Depp’s portrayal of Captain Jack Sparrow in the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise.

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Disney Might Already Be Thinking Of Rebooting “Pirates Of The Caribbean”

October 24, 2018 / Posted by:

When Hollywood decides to reboot, remake, or revive an established money maker, they usually go back in time and pick something that was popular in the 80s or 90s. Disney, however, must be snorting the kind of pixie dust that gives them short term memory loss. Because just one year after the release of the fifth Pirates of the Caribbean movie Dead Men Tell No Tales, Deadline is reporting that Disney is already in talks to reboot the franchise.

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Dave Bautista Says That The Thought Of Working For Disney Without James Gunn Is Now “Nauseating” (UPDATE)

August 6, 2018 / Posted by:

The Guardians of the Galaxy movies have made so much money, you might think Dave Bautista, who plays Dax the Destroyer in the series, says a little prayer of thanks to Disney every time he checks his bank balance. But the only thing Dave probably does now when he thinks of Disney is grab a bucket in case he needs something to heave into.

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