Christie’s has hawked some of the most expensive art in history: a Van Gogh went for $450 million in November, and a Picasso netted $179 million in 2015. But those should take a seat because that record is about to get smashed for some real fine art: Tupac Shakur’s ding-a-ling! Continue reading
Justin Bieber had his balls in a twist back in May, and for once, it wasn’t because he had to perform a full set-list at one of his concerts. He got injured playing soccer, and wound up in the hospital. TMZ says he went to the ER at a hospital on Long Island, New York, where a nurse allegedly illegally perused his files after hearing rumors he had an STD. Except the nurse claims she never did such a thing, and is now suing her former employer for firing her over the allegations. Continue reading
Eight months ago, pap pics of Orlando Bloom paddleboarding his then-girlfriend Katy Perry around Sardinina, Italy with his dick hanging out hit the internet. Orlando’s wiener became such a huge star that it was the guest of honor at his 40th birthday party. As it turns out, Orlando didn’t mean for the world to see his dick. He told Elle UK that he was just as surprised to see it as we were.
So, despite the fact that Lily Allen has been skipping around divorce rumors for what feels like forever and that she recently joined Tinder, she’s still technically a married lady. But that doesn’t seem to be stopping former One Direction fetus Zayn Malik from trying to court her. According to The Sun, 22-year-old Zayn has been wooing 30-year-old Lily with a collection of NSFW pics.
Lily’s friends say that Zayn has had it bad for Lily since they met on a flight about two years ago, which isn’t sex-code for anything – they legitimately met on a flight. Of course, he couldn’t really pursue Lily because he was with Perrie Edwards. But once Zayn and Perrie’s love joined the rest of the soggy broken hearts on the stinky south-facing pile of expired relationships that was the Summer of Splits, he was free to pursue her. Or should I say “peensue.” Don’t worry, I’ll show myself out for that one. A source close to Lily gave The Sun this extremely British-sounding piece of gossip.
“Zayn fancies Lily and has made that very clear. He has even sent her X-rated pics and raunchy texts which Lily has told quite a few people in her close circle about. She’s flattered.”
I like to think the source then added: “Zayn thinks Lily is a really fit bird. He’s chuffed to bits about her. I know he’d fancy a snog and a shag, and he’s hoping a few mobile snaps of his trouser prawn will seal the deal.” Then he peeled away in his Shaguar while hollering “Yeah, baby!”
I’ve got to hand it to Zayn. He may be young, but he truly knows what a woman wants. I mean, nothing says “Will u be mine?” like a blurry weird angle pic of your junk. That’s so sweet. I’m sure Nicholas Sparks just lit his laptop on fire because he knows he can’t compete with Zayn’s next-level romance.
For those of you who have ever read a story about Tyga and his not-yet-legal teenage girlfriend Kylie Jenner and thought to your disgusting self, “I really wish I knew what this guy’s dick looks like,” it’s your lucky day.
According to B. Scott, Kylie Jenner’s 25-year-old boyfriend has allegedly been offering up his dick to a 29-year-old transgender actress and model named Mia Isabella. At least he’s cheating on Kylie with someone who is legally old enough for him, right? According to a “source” (nice to meet you, Mia Isabella!), Tyga has been seeing Mia Isabella for 3 years now. The source alleges they got together shortly after Tyga called it quits with Blac Chyna, and they might have a sex tape together. The source claims they’ve made plans as recently as a few weeks ago to see each other.
Naturally, Tyga and Mia Isabella have a plan if anyone ever catches them together. They claim that she’s a “fashion stylist” and they have a business relationship. And I’m sure Kylie would believe him if he told her he’s spending all his extra time and money on a stylist since “It takes a lot of money to look this cheap” is practically the Kardashian family motto.
Okay, on to the subject of Tyga’s dick. The same source who squealed to B. Scott about Tyga’s alleged affair with Mia Isabella provided screen shots of text messages between the two as proof. Two of the screen shots are, you guessed it, pictures of Tyga’s dick. The NSFW pics are after the jump.
I like to imagine that’s the same position Jon Hamm has to be in when he takes a dick pic. You have to hold it upright if you want the panorama mode on your camera to capture all the angles properly.
Edward Snowden, a dude who my dumb ass always mistakes for a secondary character from The Office that doesn’t exist (is he Meredith’s son? Or one of Scott’s Tots?), recently met with John Oliver in Russia for an interview for Last Week Tonight with John Oliver. If you’re anything like me and you only watch the panda-fucking parts of the news, then you know that the story of Edward Snowden leaking a bunch of NSA documents is confusing as hell. Thankfully, John Oliver was able to put it all into perspective by asking whether or not the NSA have seen pictures America’s dick pics. According to Edward Snowden, yes they have! (the dick talk starts around the 25:00 mark):
When asked by John Oliver if people should stop sending pictures of their junk to each other until all this NSA business gets sorted out, Edward Snowden replied:
“No. You shouldn’t change your behavior because a government agency somewhere is doing the wrong thing. If we sacrifice our values because we’re afraid, we don’t care about those values very much.”
That’s right! Set off some fireworks, shave your downstairs hair into the shape of a bald eagle, turn the “America Fuck Yeah!” up to 11 and ask one of the heads on Mt. Rushmore to hold the camera steady while you try to snap a pic of your wet bits. It’s what Lady Liberty would want! Yes, I just pictured Uncle Sam sending the Statue of Liberty a grainy red, white, and blue jpg with the message “I WANT YOU…to check out this 6″ flag pole. u like?” I know, I have NO respect for history.