Category: Dick Moves
A Danish Kids TV Show About A Man With An Extra Long Schlong Has Some Parents Concerned
With the Democrats winning control of the Senate after Tuesday’s election, it might be time to consider the ramifications of living in a more liberal society. Take Denmark for example, they may have universal healthcare, but their public television network is launching a claymation cartoon for kids called John Dillermand about a creepy looking dude with a magical protracted penis that gets up to mischief. As we bid farewell to Caillou, are we ready to replace him with John Pee Pee’s telescoping prick “aimed at entertaining 4- to 8-year-olds,” or do we further descend into a totalitarian abyss?
Malik Beasley’s Estranged Wife Montana Yao Says She’s Being Kicked Out Of Their House
Christmas came early for Larsa Pippen this year. Once a forgettable KUWTK side character, Larsa became the main character when she was “caught” strolling hand-in-hand with NBA player Malik Beasley. Malik’s wife and the mother of his son, Montana Yao, on the other hand. It would appear that The Grinch has stolen her Christmas. Or, at least stolen where she planned to open her presents on Christmas morning. Because Montana claims she ner her son were kicked out of the house she shared with Malik.
A Judge Ruled That Jon Hamm’s Penis Could Legally Be Scrutinized By The Huffington Post
A ruler was used to get to the bottom of Jon Hamm’s dick as to whether or not it’s worth all the fuss. And by ruler I obviously mean a judge, who, according to Page Six, recently ruled that The Huffington Post was within their rights to print a photo not belonging to them of The Hammaconda in order to “illustrate what all the fuss is about.” In a 2013 article titled 25 Things You Wish You Hadn’t Learned In 2013 And Must Forget In 2014, HuffPost writes that Jon is apparently “very blessed south of the border, and he, or those who examine photographs of him, really want you to know that,” accompanied by a photo taken by photographer/plaintiff Lawrence Schwartzwald of Jon’s betrousered Hickory Farms summer sausage with a little animated GIF that reads “image loading…” The judge ruled that since HuffPost was making fun of Jon’s Johnson, the usage qualifies as “transformative,” and now you know why we stay un-sued and #blessed.
Open Post: Hosted By The Heist Of The 3-Foot Dildo Named “Moby Dick”
The dick heist of the century got pulled off recently in Las Vegas and sadly it had nothing to do with the Chippendales dancers. A man has been accused (AKA: caught on camera) of picking up and walking away with a dildo without paying. But this wasn’t your average sex-shop shoplifting, this dildo was 3 feet long and 40 pounds heavy and was named “Moby Dick.” But unlike the actual Moby Dick, this one goes inside you.
Jason Derulo Complained After Instagram Removed His Bulge Post
Cats is just around the corner which is the only reason we’re sitting here today discussing Jason Derulo’s recently flaunted dick. Yes, we would all rather be talking about Idris Elba’s dick, but he didn’t recently flaunt it on Instagram. And so we must make do with the dick we were presented. As they say, a dick in the hand is worth two in the bush. Wait, that can’t be right!
A couple of weeks ago, Jason laid an Instagram thirst trap by posting a picture of himself in wet underwear, bragging about the “anaconda” plastered against his thigh. Apparently, Instagram deemed this cat’s dick THFH (too hot for humans), and removed the photo, claiming it violated their community guidelines. Well, Jason isn’t taking that shit curled up in a ball in front of a crackling fireplace! He’s taking this slight all the way to the Instagram #SupremeCourt!
Anthony Weiner Is Out Of Prison And In A Halfway House
Anthony Weiner aka Carlos Danger is on the loose once again and he’s already bending the rules. According to the New York Post, Anthony was released from federal prison after serving 15 months on a 21-month sentence for sending pictures of his dick to a child. Now Anthony is out, staying at a halfway house, and has registered as a sex offender. He also ordered some lasagna to be delivered, despite the fact that the halfway house has a big sign on it that says “You May Not Bring Food or Beverages Into This Facility. Stop. No Exceptions!!” Not only that, he only tipped the driver 10%. Typical fucking Weiner!