The strange thing was that everyone wasn’t told to go home as soon as this feathery vision of dusty pink gluh-moore whipped his boa train on the carpet. Why even bother going on with the 2017 CFDA Awards when it was already shut down by an exquisite bejeweled pink ostrich? I’m sure that is a question that fashion professors will ponder with their students for years to come.
Every year, there’s always a giant chunk of celebrities at the Met Gala who completely wet fart on the theme and go with their own, which is usually: Rejected Dresses Leftover From Awards Season. Even Anna Wintour showed up to this year’s Met Gala in some dusty dress that Carol Channing definitely wore a million times better in the 1960s (see: Anna Wintour in the gallery below looking like a sad lamp from Liberace’s least favorite guest room). While watching the Vogue live feed of the Met Gala last night, some bland, I forgot who, said something about how she wanted to be comfortable. Bitch, if you want to be comfortable, stay at home in your sweats and t-shirt and watch the live feed while sitting on your futon like the rest of us do! You’re doing the Met Gala completely wrong if it doesn’t take six assistants, a registered nurse, a long plastic hose, a thing of KY and a janitor with a mop to help you piss.
But in last night’s sea of basic (see: the sea of basic in the gallery after the cut), there were a few bright spots of fuckery who actually paid attention in class when the theme was given. Enter: RiRi!
Ever since the rumors about Diane Kruger and Norman Reedus started, denial after denial has been spit up. When there was a rumor that Diane dry humped on Norman at a bar while she was still with Joshua Jackson, it was shot down. When Diane and Pacey broke up and it was rumored that her cooze moved on to Norman’s greasy parts, some source said that they were just friends. But now E! News has pictures of Diane and Norman holding hands and putting their faces so close together it looks like they’re kissing. Tricks got caught (by the pap they probably called).
That hoodie/sunglasses combo is saying one of two things. Either Diane Kruger’s stylist had a poor-taste moment and put together a look inspired by Jeanne Boylan’s sketch of The Unabomber, or she really doesn’t want people to know she’s currently in Spain at the same time as Norman Reedus. Based on how hush-hush they’ve tried to keep whatever it is that’s going on between them, my money is on option #2.
Back in December, Diane posed for pictures with Norman Reedus at his photo exhibition in Paris. Norman is currently in Barcelona to promote The Walking Dead. He also has a photo show opening at a gallery in Barcelona. And Diane was spotted wandering around semi-incognito in Barcelona yesterday. That’s not weird at all. People who are “just friends” follow each other halfway across the world all the time. Diane and Norman have denied they’re doing it.
Diane is really doing a terrible job of trying to go unnoticed and convince people she’s not doing Norman Reedus. An oversized black hoodie hiding possibly-dirty hair? Sunglasses that look like they were stolen from a gas station? Expensive dirtbag leather motorcycle booties? Leopard-print purse only big enough to hold a pack of smokes and some Visine? All that practically screams “I’m doing Norman Reedus.”
Here’s more of an in-disguise Diane Kruger walking around Barcelona yesterday, as well as Norman Reedus out promoting The Walking Dead and later at his photo exhibition. Unlike his last exhibition, there are no photos of Diane and Norman together. Or maybe she was there, but he didn’t recognize her because her disguise was just too good?
We all know that when it comes to dressing for the Oscars, everyone takes it very seriously. They put on a tux or fancy gown that definitely didn’t come with a check attached to the garment bag. Most of the time the result is a one-way ticket to Zzzzzz town (see: a good 75% of the looks from last night). But then everyone gets to let loose at Vanity Fair’s annual Oscar afterparty and put on what they really want to wear (see: The Gold Standard). Like many people at the Vanity Fair party, Diane Kruger wasn’t at the Oscars and she showed up wearing that.
“It means that they’re probably still fucking, you dumb bitch,” said anybody with at least half-a-working brain cell, including Dramatic Chipmunk’s cracked-out squirrel cousin who’s in the middle of them.
A year ago, a tiny ESCANDALO was born when Diane Kruger was spotted by a source making out and straddling Norman Reedus at a bar in NYC. Diane was still with Joshua Jackson at the time. Other sources said at the time that the story was made of lies, because Diane’s tongue wasn’t anywhere near Norman’s tongue and they were at the bar with the director who directed them in the movie Sky.
Diane could’ve said that she was just helping out her man’s show The Affair by doing a little guerrilla marketing for it. Or she could’ve said that she wasn’t humping on Norman. She was doing the Heimlich maneuver on a greasy homeless drifter who choked on a piece of the sandwich she gave him outside of the bar. It’s an easy mistake to make. But neither Diane or Norman said anything. Diane and Norman later awkwardly posed together at a screening for their movie, and they were both at Rosetta Getty’s July 4th party in Tuscany. Two weeks after that party, Diane and Joshua announced that they were done after 10 years. And here we are…