Category: Dennis Hopper

Sean Penn Almost Named His Son “Steak”

June 14, 2016 / Posted by:

The “the steak doesn’t fall far from the beef jerky-faced tree” jokes are too easy.

Sean Penn has two children with Robin Wright: 25-year-old Dylan Frances and 22-year-old Hopper Jack. According to Hopper, the name written on his birth certificate wasn’t his father’s first choice. Hopper tells Interview magazine that if the decision had been left up to Sean Penn, his name would be Steak Penn. Yes, steak like the food. Why? Because Sean Penn apparently really loves steak.

“My dad wanted to name me Steak, the food, because he loves it so much. But my mom was never going to go for it.”

I never really pictured Sean Penn as being a steak kind of guy. I guess I just always assumed that Sean Penn survived on a diet that consists solely of Carolina Reaper hot peppers and popcorn. Peppers to maintain his high levels of white-hot rage, and popcorn to keep him in a constant state of being perpetually agitated. Nothing is more agitating that trying to always feeling like you’ve got a popcorn kernel stuck in between your teeth.

I can’t really shit on Sean Penn for wanting to name his kid after a type of food. When I was a kid, there was a brand of lactose-free milk called Lactancia, and I thought that was just about the most glamorous name I had ever heard and swore I was going to name a child Lactancia. So, I get it, Sean. I don’t condone it, but I understand.

As for why they chose Hopper instead, Hopper says it was because his dad “idolizedDennis Hopper, and that his mother claims he hopped in her stomach rather than kicked. He didn’t kick? Really? Are we sure he’s actually Sean Penn’s son?

Pic: Splash

Henry Hopper Might Be The New Roman Polanski

July 31, 2012 / Posted by:

Henry Hopper, the 21-year-old son of the late Dennis Hopper, has been slapped with a lawsuit from the mother of a 16-year-old girl who claims that he drugged and repeatedly raped her daughter at his house in Venice, CA.

According to TMZ, the legal papers filed in L.A. claim that Henry met the unidentified girl, known as “Jan Doe” in the lawsuit, (Jan Doe sounds like the name of the awkward middle sister of the Doe sisters) through a mutual friend in February of last year. They regularly talked to each other on Facebook and after a few months, he started figuratively leaving a trail of booze and the bad shit from her front door to the front door of his house in Venice. Henry promised to give Jan Doe all the drugs and sweet nectar she wanted if she came over. When a then 15-year-old Jan Doe went to his house, he gave her drugs and booze, and waited until she was all kinds of messed up before he “engaged in sexually offensive conduct with her.” Jan Doe alleges that Henry forced her to engage in sexual intercourse and “oral copulation and sodomy.”

The lawsuit goes on to say that because Henry repeatedly preyed on Jan Doe’s naive “vulnerability,” she has suffered mentally and emotionally and has been treated by several mental health care professionals. Jan Doe’s mom is suing for unspecified damages.

EEEEEEEEEEK! Welp, here’s a story that should come with a fluffy kitten hugging a vodka bottle. So many questions and I don’t even know what to say except that Henry Hopper kind of has rapey hair (whatever that means). You might be wondering if Jan Doe’s mom ever went to the police to file charges against Henry Hopper for allegedly teen raping her daughter. TMZ doesn’t know this yet. You might also be wondering why I haven’t posted an adorable palate cleanser yet? Good question. Let me fix that:

Shit, that made things worse, right?

Dennis Hopper Gets His Hollywood Star

March 26, 2010 / Posted by:

Dennis Hopper is currently battling prostate cancer and is in the middle of a filthy nasty ass divorce war, but he still managed to make it to Hollywood this afternoon to accept his star on the Walk of Fame. The likes of Jack Nicholson and Viggo Mortensen watched as a frail Dennis thanked the crowd and also explained that the bandages were the result of a recent fall.

Dennis probably knew he had to come when Jack told him he was going to wear an Easy Rider shirt. Dennis had to see this shit for himself.

src="https://c.statcounter.com/922697/0/f674ac4a/1/"
alt="drupal analytics" >