Breakups can be a real bitch on the emotions and tear ducts, but I always view them as an excuse to binge eat, toss back a liter of whiskey, and listen to my Spotify playlist called “Sylvia Plath Fantasia.” Not everyone takes my approach (idiots), and that includes Ashton Kutcher. He’s blabbing this week that he handled his divorce with Demi Moore by living for two weeks like I imagine a Björk/Bon Iver baby would live out a lifetime by fasting and living in the woods for a week. Continue reading
Radar reports that known cougar Demi Moore is shacking up with known cub Nick Jonas on the DL at a friend’s downtown Los Angeles loft. That’s no way to treat Nick, Demi! He prefers to be out in the public, preferably shirtless and in a gay-baiting situation! But a source says she’s keeping it under wraps (until now) since Ashton Kutcher really put her through the ringer with their divorce:
“Demi doesn’t want any more public humiliations after getting dumped by Ashton.”
If rumors are true, the 50-year-old was set up with the 25-year-old via Rumer Willis, her 29-year-old daughter, per the source:
“Rumer knows Demi is attracted to younger guys, and she figured that since Nick is single and has experience with older women, he’d be up for a love connection. They hit it off — and now Demi and Nick are hooking up.”
Demi knows her way around a younger piece. She was married to Ashton, who was 16 years younger than her. After they divorced, she moved on with the 31-year-old rocker Sean Friday, 36-year-old Pink Taco owner Harry Morton, and 31-year-old art dealer Vito Schnabel. Harry got a few punches on his Moore family frequent boner card since he also dated Rumer. But out of all the young blood, apparently Nick’s is the manliest, says the snitch:
“Nick is Demi’s youngest man yet, but he’s one of the most mature guys she’s ever been with.”
I guess that means Nick doesn’t giggle at the phrase “pink taco” like Harry does!
Several weeks ago, Scarlett Johansson was reportedly seen at a Saturday Night Live after-party putting some mouth moves on Weekend Update’s Colin Jost. Last week E! News asked Colin if he had anything to say about the Scarlett rumors, to which he replied: “What?! No way. No, I’m good.” He also said he was “very happy” in his personal life. Colin didn’t want to talk about it, and that sort of made me think it could have just been a drunken party hookup. As it turns out, it might not be so casual.
Ashton Kutcher was given the Robert D. Ray Pillar of Character Award from Drake University, and UsWeekly says the award is given to individuals “who demonstrate good character as a role model.” Apparently Drake University thought that was Ashton Kutcher.
Tobey Maguire and Jennifer Meyer called it quits on their 9-year marriage almost two months ago and one would naturally assume that his triumphant return to the Pussy Posse would last the better part of a year. (I believe the re-initiation process requires at least 6,969 hours of supervised model-banging.) However, it looks like Tobey could possibly be more interested in dating right now.
A source tells Radar that Tobey might be dating Demi Moore. In a very weird turn of events for a Pussy Posse member, Demi Moore is 13 years older than Tobey.
Demi and Tobey were rumored to be dating way back in 2002 before she got with Ashton Kutcher and he got married. The source tells Radar that Demi reached out to Tobey after the news of his split from Jennifer, and that “it didn’t take long for things to heat up.” The source claims Demi and Tobey’s conversation was innocent enough at first, but then she started reminiscing about “the good times” and it snowballed from there.
“Demi is still a sexy, attractive woman, and Tobey is just her type — younger, smart and kind of goofy. She’d like more than a hookup. She’s very lonely these days and looking for someone to share her life with. Who knows where this will go?”
Neither Demi nor Tobey have confirmed they’re doing anything with each other, so this could literally just be some fanfic created by a bored intern at Radar. I like to believe it’s real. Sure, the Pussy Posse handbook states that all boners should be aimed at 20-year-old bikini models, but Demi counts. Some parts of her are in their 20s and she may not technically be a bikini model, but that doesn’t mean she’s not a pro at taking bikini selfies.
Last night was the Los Angeles premiere of Hedwig and the Angry Inch starring Darren Criss (all together: groooooan) and it brought out Demi Moore who was dressed like she accidentally stumbled onto the carpet while searching for a juice box and a cookie. You know, there may be a very good reason for why Demi Moore looks like a middle-aged Anna from Frozen in a half-assed Dennis the Menace disguise. That woman next to Demi is her friend, costume designer Arianne Phillips, so maybe the two are working on an updated reboot of Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman and Demi plays Mary Hartman who lives her life as though she’s trapped in a Snapchat filter (see: flower crown) and considers Stewie from Family Guy her fashion icon. Demi is trying to be all method so she wore her costume out. Yeah, that must be it…
Courtney Love was also there last night and she looked pretty good. When you’re at the same event as Courtney Love and Courtney Love looks less messy than you, it’s time for a long talk with God….or your stylist.