Not that I’m hating on Andy Cohen’s shit-stirring antics, because they do give me something to post about. So shit-stir on, you shady bitch.
This past election was such a horrifying shit show (not that the current state of crap is any better) that it destroyed lives, ruined relationships and caused gingers to turn against each other. Mega example: The Queen of the Bernie Bros., Susan Sarandon, and Ride Or Die For Hillary team leader, Debra Messing. Their Twitter feud all started before Hillary Clinton won the Democratic nomination. Susan said that if the presidential showdown came down to Trump and Clinton, some Bernie Bros. would not be able to vote for Clinton. Also, while perched on her rich lady throne, Susan said that Trump’s win could bring on the revolution. Debra dragged Susan for that and it was on. One month after Susan and Debra’s Twitter fight royale, Susan was on Watch What Happens Live where she said that Debra needed a hobby. Susan was on Watch What Happens Live again on Monday and Andy Cohen brought out a microwave-safe dish to reheat the ginger beef between her and Debra.
When you drag your living carcass out of bed tomorrow morning, before you do anything, go to the mirror and say, “Nobody puts Baby in a corner.” I’d bet my weekly weed budget that your half-asleep, out-of-it ass would say that line with more enthusiasm and charisma than TV Johnny Castle does in the first trailer for the Dirty Dancing remake we really don’t need. If Baby being put in a corner is dependent on Johnny’s delivery of that line, then Baby better forward all her mail to “A Corner” because she’s going to stay there permanently.
A couple of weeks after ABC dribbled out dreadful stills from their Dirty Dancing remake, they’ve released a 30-second teaser trailer and survey says: MESS! This looks like a Dirty Dancing tribute done by the cast of a knock-off Glee TV show that airs on Freeform. Abigail Breslin (who is 21 in real life) looks like she’s barely in junior high school here and Colt Prattes (who is 30 in real life) looks much older than her. So when he asks Baby, who looks like a baby, what her name is, I expected Chris Hansen to jazz walk out and tell Johnny Castle to have a seat in the chair over there.
— Debra Messing (@DebraMessing) April 24, 2017
And I have a feeling that there’s going to be gale force winds on the night of May 24th. Because the makers of Dirty Dancing 2, the Dirty Dancing reality show and the Dirty Dancing TV series are all going to breathe out a giant sigh of relief since they’ll no longer be the ones responsible for the worst butchering of Dirty Dancing in history.
No, that isn’t a picture of your uncoordinated cousin recreating the Dirty Dancing lift for her engagement announcement on Facebook. That’s a picture from a professional production of Dirty Dancing, and it sums it all up, pretty much.
If you buried the gross, hurtful memory of ABC’s remake of Dirty Dancing and forgot about it, then I apologize for bringing it back up with these pictures that came out yesterday. I bet that right after ABC released stills from their Dirty Dancing remake, every TV critic started pre-writing their review and they’re first line is: I DIDN’T have the time of my life.
ABC’s Dirty Dancing stars Abigail Breslin (as Baby), dancer/Instagram THOT Colt Prattes (as Johnny Castle), Debra Messing (as Baby’s mom), Bruce Greenwood (as Baby’s daddy), Sarah Hyland (as Baby’s sister) and Nicole Scherzinger (as Penny). It’ll splatter onto TV screens on May 24. I know the phrase “this is a Dollar Tree version of” is overused (and mostly by me), but this looks worse than a Dollar Tree version of Dirty Dancing. It’s like the head bitches at ABC thought, “I know what our viewers want! An exact remake of Dirty Dancing but cheaper-looking and shitty!”
These stills looking like they’re from an unauthorized Dirty Dancing remake called Filthy Moves that’s sold exclusively on subway platforms. I know that Baby isn’t exactly the definition of glamour, but in every picture, Abigail Breslin looks like she just rolled out of bed, where she’s been for the past 3 weeks while sick with a serious case of the flu.
The only thing that can save this blasphemous DD remake is Katey Sagal as the hot cougar who gets revenge on Johnny for choosing Baby over her. See. This DD remake already doesn’t make sense. Who would choose Baby over this pure hotness?
And Johnny Castle looks like he just got back from playing Danny Zuko in a community theater production of Grease. Oh well, at least Patrick Swayze is getting in some cardio from rolling so much.
About a month after Will, Grace, Jack, and Karen reunited in a video about the presidential election, NBC started talking about the possibility of bringing them all back for a one-off season consisting of 10 episodes. Entertainment Weekly reports today that NBC made it happen and a Will & Grace revival is coming.
Anyone who followed the ginger feud of this election knows that Susan Sarandon was the Queen of the Bernie-or-Busters. Susan is so pro-Bernie that I would be surprised if she didn’t pull a Katy Perry by dressing as Bernie Sanders for Halloween. If she did, I don’t want to see the pictures, because my fragile soul can take only so many pictures of people in terrifying prosthetics.
Ever since Bernie Sanders didn’t get the Democratic presidential nomination, everyone (read: probably just me, and Debra Messing) has been waiting for Susan Sarandon to say who is getting her vote. Dammit Janet is not writing in Frank-N-Furter as her choice for president. She has gone where some B-O-Bers have gone: to Jill Stein’s side.
Both Variety and Deadline are saying that NBC is having “discussions” about the possibility of bringing back Will & Grace for a potential revival. Will & Grace ran from 1998 to 2006 on NBC. Sources tell Variety says the revival would be produced by NBCs sister studio Universal Television, but that’s all the information they have right now. Deadline’s sources had a couple more details. They say there’s an idea floating around about making it a one-off 10-episode series. They also still need to secure Debra Messing, Eric McCormack, Megan Mullally, and Sean Hayes, and series creators Max Mutchnick and David Kohan. There is also a chance that this new Will & Grace could be a Netflix thing, but again, nothing has been confirmed.
Apparently that Will & Grace reunion that happened last month did a lot more than just get people to think about not voting for Donald Trump. Variety says that NBC started talking about the possibility of a revival after they saw how much Will & Grace fans were losing their minds on social media over that election-themed mini-episode.
Of all the random shows to bring back to life, I am completely behind this one. But if NBC is really doing it for the fans, then this revival should be called Jack & Karen (oh and also Will & Grace). Jack and Karen were clearly the stars of the show. I would be totally ok if 9 out of 10 of those episodes were about Jack and Karen’s modern-day adventures, like Jack discovering the dog filter in Snapchat and Karen Googling shit like “Can you vape vodka.”