Taradise, we barely knew ye. It’s been so long since I’ve seen Meryl Streep successor Tara Reid here on Dlisted that I was beginning to worry about her. Had she quit the biz, and turned to her true calling – the drunk lady at table #15 at the Ruby Tuesday’s off the highway in Hackensack, NJ? No – she’s still kicking! Coming off her highly acclaimed work in the Sharknado quadrology, Tara immediately took a roll in future Criterion Classic Andy The Talking Hedgehog. That howling laughter you hear coming from Donnie Wahlberg’s house is Jenny McCarthy. (Luckily for her, she turned the role down.)
I know, I hate myself too for posting this. If you put your ear up to it, you can hear Bruce Jenner’s high-pitched wail before it grabs onto your ear and pulls it off of your head. When it gets to its lair, it will spit your ear out, melt down the cartilage and inject that shit into Kim Kartrashian’s face.
Pimp Mama Kris’ kamel toe of destruction showed itself while leaving a restaurant in West Hollywood with Dean Cain yesterday. Isn’t Dean Cain supposed to be 90s Superman? Obviously, he was a fake the entire time, because if he was really Superman, he would be on the ground, screaming for mercy from being exposed to PMK’s kryptonite kamel toe. And now if you’ll excuse me, I have to run to the nearest church to burn my retinas on a saint candle. You do too? I’ll save you a spot.