Lately, Jared Leto has been looking like the pure definition of a fashion victim, and at The Fashion Awards 2016 in London last night, he turned it all the way up. If Jared and his stylist were going for “Willy Wonka after getting a bootleg Beatles haircut and dye job and moving to The Valley to become a sleazy porn producer,” they nailed it hard. That Gucci’d out ensemble just screams, “I’m going to make you a STAH, baby, now let’s go back to my place to sign the contracts….” Trick looks like the orgy baby that every character in Boogie Nights made together.
Well, I guess if you’re going to look like Liberace as seen through the eyes of Terry Richardson, a fashion awards show is the place to do it. And Jared Leto, who is becoming a Fighting The Hot Grand Champion, must’ve gotten sick of hos throwing their coochies and assholes at him all the time, so he turned himself into a walking boner killer by getting a janky bowl cut that looks like it was done with safety scissors. That’ll do it!
Here’s a million more pictures from The Fashion Awards. Come for David Gandy (“You can say that again.” – your genitals) and stay for Donatella Versace serving up Solid Gold Muppet sexiness.
It’s Monday so you probably woke up this morning with the hungover demons possessing your body, your breath smelling like Sunday night sangria and your eyeballs covered in crusties. You probably considered just never getting out of bed ever, because is a regular paycheck really worth getting up in the morning on a Monday? But you pulled yourself out, injected caffeine into your eyeballs, put on some clean panties and made it through the day by playing that Flappy Bird shit in your cubicle. We all made it through the day without murdering anyone (I think) or checking into the hospital because our bodies turned into a giant raisin from crying at the bottom of a hot shower for a few hours straight. Let’s all celebrate with this picture from W Magazine of Joe Manganiello with morning wood eyes. Or maybe he’s saying, “How about an early morning salad tossing? You do me first” with his eyes.
Photographers Mert and Marcus shot a bunch of famous hos in bed for W Magazine and some of them will give your genitals the sweats (see: Joe ManJello, STAINS’ human brother Jonathan Rhys Meyers and David Gandy) and some will make your b-hole poot out a “meh” (see: Vanessa Hudgens and that busted wig on her head and Kanye’s cuddle boo Riccardo Tisci).
And to answer the question in your head, no, it’s not weird at all to have that top picture turned into a body pillow with holes in it. That’s actually totally natural and not-at-all-crazy or creepy. Just make sure you get it in stain-resistant fabric like I did.
Here’s panty pudding-inducer David Gandy posing with dogs at Pup Aid 2013 in London’s Primrose Hill Park. That’s puppy’s face is saying “I think I just made a pregnant,” which means that in a couple of months the world will have a litter of Gandy puppies! But seriously, it’s David Gandy and an adorable dog. Nothing more needs to be said. The end. Shut it down.
I know you’re probably dry, exhausted and empty from going wild on that piping hot Dog (I see what I did there and I don’t like it) and Beth Dog post below, but I’m sure you have more in you, so splash Gatorade on your genitals and go for another round. Here’s dude supermodel type David Gandy in something called 10 Men Magazine (via Fashion Spot via Celebitchy).
After a long hard day of patrolling the streets (and subduing criminals with his steel blue eyes) as the masked panty creamer, David Gandy just likes to go home, shave his entire body, smear shoe polish on his hair, put on his favorite long johns and hang out on his roof top. I don’t think I ever believed in magic underwear until now. Your move, Mormons.
And if you need more servings of Gandy nipples, click here. I love how he’s staring at the camera like, “Someone call an AMBERT ALERT, because you will get lost in these eyes.”