Entertainment Weekly is reporting that Fox has ordered another season of the limited series version of The X-Files. The revival that premiered in January last year had six episodes; this second season will have 10. Not surprisingly, David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson will be back as Mulder and Scully. Creator Chris Carter will be back as executive producer. It will air sometime during the 2017-2018 season. Both David and Gillian confirmed the news on Twitter yesterday.
— Gillian Anderson (@GillianA) April 21, 2017
The President of Fox released this statement about choosing to pick up The X-Files again.
“Iconic characters, rich storytelling, bold creators – these are the hallmarks of great TV shows. And they are some of the reasons why The X-Files has had such a profound impact on millions of fans worldwide. Chris’ creativity, along with the brilliant work of David and Gillian, continue to propel this pop culture phenomenon, and we can’t wait to see what fresh mysteries Mulder and Scully uncover in this next chapter of The X-Files.”
Basically, “DUH, of course we renewed it. The fans would watch Mulder and Scully watch paint dry.” But also because those last six episodes were pretty good to me. Now that we know for sure that we’re getting another installment of The X-Files, I hope this means they’ll solve the important mystery from last season. No, I’m not talking about (SPOILER ALERT) if Mulder will be saved by William’s DNA. We need to know if Gillian will wear that sad lifeless wig again. The truth is out there!
What you are looking at above is Ashley Judd, Jim Belushi, Amanda Seyfried, David Duchovny, Naomi Watts, Matthew Lillard, Michael Cera, Jennifer Jason Leigh, and Trent Reznor. And if you can believe it, you’re only looking at less than 20% of the cast of the Twin Peaks reboot. I hope Showtime knows how to place a casual encounters ad on Craigslist, because something tells me they’re going to need to make a couple extra bucks to make sure all those paychecks don’t bounce.
The cast list for Showtime’s Twin Peaks reboot was announced today. We already knew that most of the original cast was open to coming back. But thanks to Showtime, we now know that pretty much everyone in David Lynch’s Rolodex is coming with them. Variety has a screen grab of the cast list, and I’ve put it after the cut.
Excuse me, but I need a moment to wipe away the various bodily fluids that started seeping out of me (drool, tears, random down-low liquids) after my eyes gazed upon the glorious sight of a still-can-get-it David Duchovny respectfully mouth humping on Gillian Anderson. Normally I’d call Gillian a fool for not grabbing his face with both hands and shoving her tongue deep enough into his throat that she could play his trachea like a xylophone, but Gillian is clearly more of a lady than I am. “Understatement” just hissed every one who knows my trashy ass.
The reason for Mulder and Scully’s mini X-Files reunion was to celebrate the release of David’s debut album Hell or Highwater in New York last night. Gillian hopped up on stage with David to sing a duet of “Helpless”, and that’s why the person in your office with the I WANT TO BELIEVE poster is currently sobbing in the bathroom. It’s not bad; it’s basically what I imagine it would sound like if Mulder and Scully got drunk after work on questionable alien wine and hit up a karaoke bar.
Obviously Gillian and David’s duet and subsequent kiss could all just be some pre-planned stunt queen moves to drum up attention for his album or get people hyperventilating about that upcoming X-Files reboot, but I don’t care. Watching Mulder and Scully pre-fuck (isn’t that what kissing is, really?) is like nerd Christmas. But just like regular Christmas, I didn’t get what I really wanted out of that performance: hot daddy Walter Skinner entering from stage right without a shirt on and tearing shit up with a sexy harmonica solo.
Excuse me, but I need a moment to slip into the kitchen and brew myself an extra-large mug of Throat Coat to deal with the 3rd degree scream damage I sustained from reacting to this news with a decibel-shattering YAAAASSSSSSSSSSSS.
Typically whenever Hollywood announces that they’re going to reboot something (aka ruin it), I can’t roll my eyes fast enough or kick out enough chairs for Hollywood to take a seat, but not this time. Deadline says that Fox has confirmed that they’re bringing The X-Files back for a six-episode event, and that David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson will return as FBI Special Agents Fox Mulder and Dana Scully. No word on whether their hot no-nonsense hunk of a boss Skinner will be back, but that’s sort of irrelevant, considering he’s still making appearances in my dreams.
Series creator Chris Carter will also be involved, and he says he considers the time since the The X-Files finale in 2002 and this upcoming 6-epsiode series as a “13-year commercial break.” The X-Files ran for 9 seasons and produced two feature films, one of which was good (sit down, The X-Files: I Want to Believe – I wasn’t talking about you).
I know they haven’t said anything else about casting, but I really hope they bring back Doug Hutchison as Eugene Tooms, if only so they have an excuse to write a part for his gorgeous living x-file of a wife Courtney Stodden.
Something new I learned today: Tea Leoni didn’t legally quit David Duchovny’s ass years ago after rehab didn’t cure his addiction to pussy and he once again came home smelling like frothy random cooch cream, goat milk mixed with strawberry-scented lube and regrets. I thought they got a divorce a million years ago. I was wrong, because they were married this whole time. But they’re not anymore.
TMZ says that David and Tea haven’t been together since 2011, but they finally got around to legally breaking up. David and Tea “quietly” divorced in June and I’m taking that to mean that they whispered in their lawyer’s conference room while signing the divorce papers. Tea and David behaved like grown ups (instead of like whiny cunts the way most Hollywood couples act when they’re getting a divorce) and they worked all the details out themselves. Their 2 chirruns, 12-year-old Kyd (that’s really his name) and 15-year-old Madelaine, will mostly live with Tea and she and David are sharing legal custody. Since David’s got that X-Files money, he will pay Tea $40k a month in alimony and another $8,333 in child support. David’s also agreed to pay for their kids’ private school, college and summer camp.
Tea and David got married in 1997, but they broke up for a minute in 2008 while he went to rehab to deal with his addiction to porn and punane.
$576,000 a year in spousal and child support and all Tea had to do was be married to David Duchovny for 17 years, birth out two kids and deal with the sound of a “hamster jumping on a Whoopee cushion full of pudding” as he jacked his dick off to porn for hours while she slept next to him?! But then again, Tea and her two kids live on the UWS in Manhattan, so $48,000 a month will pay her mortgage and maaaaaybe two trips to Whole Foods.
The news of David Duchovny’s divorce is a gift to Mulder/Scully shippers who are still keeping hope alive. And of course this shit comes out on Gillian Anderson’s born day. I’m sure David celebrated Gillian’s birthday and his divorce by showing up to her door with a birthday candle stuck in his peen slit. I think I read that in a Mulder/Scully fanfiction once.
The truth is out there and apparently David Duchovny is trying to find the truth in Gillian Anderson’s punane. Nerds are jizzing themselves into a coma after Celeb Dirty Laundry said yesterday that Gillian and her kids are living with sexaholic David Duchovny in Los Angeles. Crazy Days and Nights recently revealed that his “two sort of married co-stars are living together” blind item from 2011 was about Gillian and David. This probably not true rumor will make some of your nipples hard with excitement, but my nipples will only get hard with excitement when Celeb Dirty Laundry posts a story about how one of my favorite TV couples, Beecher and Keller from OZ, are shacking up together in an apartment that looks like a jail cell.
Gillian recently broke up with her partner of a million years and David and Tea Leoni broke up for good last year. CDL doesn’t say much about this rumor except that Mulder and Scully have been exploring each other’s Uranuses for some time. They also point to an interview Gillian gave to The Sunday Times Magazine where she plays coy about having a full-time hump partner in her life:
I ask if she has a partner at the moment. Her answer is peculiar. “Um…yes…umm…umm…” There is a long pause. “Say yes,” she stutters finally.
Is this one we know about, I say, the father of the two youngest children, or a new one? “Umm, no, no… why do you ask me?” she counters.
If you still want to believe, then plug your eyes so you won’t have to read what David Duchovny’s spokeswhore said about this come-to-life fanfic shit. David’s rep broke nerd boners when they told Wonderwall that the rumor is fake.
So who is Gillian partnering up with then? My guess is that she’s shacking up with Flukeman. I mean, can you imagine the things that mouth can do?
Here’s David carrying some Chinese takeout in L.A. the other day. Yes, you can still write in your Mulder and Scully erotic fanfiction novel that he waltzed into his house and let Gillian eat lo mein noodles off his taint.