David Blaine continued to stretch out the definition of “magic trick” on The Tonight Show last night when he used a needle and thread to sew his lips shut as The Roots and guest Priyanka Chopra got grossed out, and Jimmy Fallon got grossed out in an over-the-top theater kid on roids kind of way. And I can hear you hating haters saying, “Why didn’t David Blaine do that trick on Jimmy’s mouth?”
I didn’t get grossed out, because David Blaine sewing up his lips means he can’t almost murder an innocent frog by deep throating it. And if David Blaine sews up his lips, it also means that if the authorities want to talk to him about the rape accusation against him, he can’t say anything since his lips are sewn up. I bet Ole’ Puddin’ Pop wishes he came up with that trick.
And I’m not impressed. I mean, if repeatedly sticking a needle in your lips makes you a magician, then Kylie Jenner is a regular Harry Fuckin’ Houdini.
According to The Daily Beast, a former model from England named Natasha Prince has recently come forward accusing a then 31-year-old David Blaine of raping her at a private home in London a few months after she turned 21 in 2004. In 2003, David became famous after he suspended himself from a glass box over the River Thames in London for 44 days. Natasha Prince had booked a job in London in June of 2004, where she met David Blaine at a nightclub. They exchanged numbers. The next day, Natasha says David invited her over to a friend’s house for drinks. She agreed, and she took a car to a huge mansion.
For the past three years, the gazillionaires at Google have hosted an exclusive invite-only conference for tech VIPs and celebrities in Sicily, Italy called The Camp. The Camp is an expensive, mysterious trip to Italy to…well, I have no idea what they do there. There’s a website, but you have to have a secret password to access it. What I do know is that they hire famous people to perform for their guests. This year, one of the performers was smooth-voiced magician and sometime Pussy Posse member David Blaine. And he brought a silent big-eyed assistant with him. No, not Lukas Haas; he brought a frog. A frog that he sent up and down his esophagus like it was an elevator.