Category: Dave Bautista
Kathryn Hahn Is Joining The “Knives Out” Sequel
Deadline reports that Kathryn Hahn will appear in Knives Out 2. She’ll join new cast members Dave Bautista, Edward Norton, and Janelle Monae. Damn, it’s like they’re picking these names out of a bag of random Hollywood actors. Who’s next? Haley Joel Osment? Lucy Liu? The bear from The Revenant? This ragtag group of newbies will join Daniel Craig, who’s getting big bucks to reprise his role as the southern detective who kinda sounds like Kevin Spacey in House of Cards. Oo, this just in! Knives Out 2 has added Kevin Spacey! Ha. No. Continue reading
BREAKING: Prince William Is The Last Living Bald-Headed Man On Earth
Well, looks like I’ll be busy all day writing obits for Stanley Tucci, Mark Strong, The Rock, Morris Chestnut, Jason Statham, Sir Patrick Stewart, Kelly Slater, Shemar Moore, Taye Diggs, Bruce Willis, Billy Zane, Boris Kodjoe, Common, Ed Harris, Michael Chiklis, LL Cool J, Corey Stoll, Danny DeVito, and Homer Simpson. Because it seems like they’re dead. Hell, if you’re a bald man who is reading this right now, guess what? You’re a ghost! It looks like Prince William is the only bald-headed man alive because some new study claims that he is the World’s Sexiest Bald Man. And no, this “study” was not conducted by the University of Trolling and The April Fools’ Day Gazette.
The Gaping Butthole Is The True (Dirt) Star Of The “Dune” Trailer
Let’s see, a dusty, raggedy, hungry hole of doom that men will run from at first sight? Why it’s like looking into a mirror… while back down/legs up.
If you’re in certain parts of California, you can look outside of your window and see scenes straight out of Dune thanks to the demonic wildfires. But for others, the trailer for Denis Villeneuve’s take on Frank Herbert’s novel Dune came out today and it’s very Weekend At Burning Man. And I’m sure many a hard-trick are throwing death glares at the grains of sand because millions of them probably got up in Jason Momoa’s crotch during the filming of this. Speaking of Jason, he’s actually not the best part of the trailer. That title solely belongs to the no-no-faced sandworm above. Although, it’s not the biggest asshole in the movie. I mean, Josh Brolin is in this after all.
Henry Winkler Showed Donald Trump He’s Not The Only Septuagenarian Who Can Drink A Glass Of Water With One Hand
Over the weekend as Donald Trump geared up for his big Tulsa campaign rally, I was bracing myself for the absolute worst. I can’t tell you how relieved I was to see it was a bigger flop than Ishtar. Not in my wildest dreams could have I imagined a more delightful outcome than Trump’s big rally turning out two sublime self-owns the likes of which haven’t been seen since that Nazi’s face melted off when he opened the Ark of the Covenant at that rally in Raiders of the Lost Ark. First, there was Trump’s 15-minute long explanation about why he walked down that ramp at West Point Academy the previous week, looking like Mr. Magoo in a whiteout wearing 6” heels. Then Trump tried his hand at prop comedy by proving he can drink a glass of water with one hand— a feat that was silently mocked by a lushly bearded Henry Winkler on Twitter.
Dave Bautista Thinks The “Fast And Furious” Franchise Sucks
Dave Bautista managed to make it from pro wrestler to successful actor appearing in flicks like the Guardians of the Galaxy franchise and Blade Runner 2049. Hence, he’s become accustomed to appearing in quality cinema without having to resort to becoming Dwayne Johnson Lite and popping up in every bad action movie going. Speaking of quality cinema, Dave let one of his Twitter followers know that he doesn’t think the Fast and Furious franchise is worthy of his talents. Dave isn’t a fan of those movies. He even used the “about to puke” and “puking” emojis to illustrate his opinion.
The Fine Line Between Fashion And Costume Was Stepped Over At The Billboard Music Awards
You know when Tim Gunn used to warn Project Runway contestants about making sure their looks don’t go too costumey? It always turned out to be pretty solid advice, and contestants who didn’t heed his warnings were usually sent home. I always imagined those losing designers slipped quietly away to careers in the circus or on the drag circuit. But judging from the runway at last night’s Billboard Music Awards in Las Vegas, some of them went on to have lucrative careers making costumes for remakes of popular movies.
It’s been over 10 years since The Hurt Locker won the Academy Award for Best Picture. That means it’s ripe for a remake. In this version, Mustard has the nerve wracking job of diffusing Mariah Carey’s Lush bath bombs. It’s a dangerous job, but Mustard’s just the man to do it. Look, he’s on the hair brush right now, getting dispatched to his next mission. They’ve found a Bom Perignon in Mimi’s toilet!