In a move that everyone but a recently-conceived fetus saw coming, it’s been officially officially confirmed that Daniel Craig is returning to play James Bond for the fifth time in the next Bond movie. Daniel Craig sort of confirmed the news himself last August after hinting at it for months. Stay strong, Tom Hiddleston, I’m sure there’s only a couple more official confirmations to go.
The New York Times recently did an interview in the Manhattan home of Rachel Weisz and Daniel Craig, and at the beginning of the interview they got a big surprise when she lifted up her shirt to show that the glow in her face was due to a Bond Jr. in her uterus.
[She] pulls up the loose gray sweater she’s wearing to reveal her secret. “I’ll be showing soon,” she says, with a radiant smile. “Daniel and I are so happy. We’re going to have a little human. We can’t wait to meet him or her. It’s all such a mystery.”
Rachel doesn’t say how far along she is, just that she’ll be showing soon. That picture of her and Daniel was taken earlier this month. Rachel is 48, Daniel is 50.I’ve known stress, but I’ve never been an almost-fifty mom/over-fifty dad to a paint-whipping, Wiggles screaming toddler before.
This will be Rachel and Daniel’s first kid (they’ve been together for almost eight years and married for almost seven). Rachel has an 11-year-old son named Henry with Darren Aronofsky. Daniel has a 25-year-old daughter named Ella with Fiona Loudon. That kind of sucks for that baby. Which one of its siblings will sneakily buy it booze when it turns 16? Henry will be almost 30 by then, and probably out of the house. Whereas it can definitely count older sister Ella out. She’ll be 41 by then, and that’s prime “Alcohol?!? I’m going to call your parents” age.
Here you go, Tom Hiddleston – it’s my treat to you: the perfect picture to print out and tape to your mirror if you’re the type who likes to shout out their emotions at physical symbols of their sadness. Well, you know, when you’re done screaming at that cursed I Heart TS tank top, of course.
Daniel Craig may have said back in 2015 that he’d rather “slash his wrists” than play James Bond ever again, but his checking account was more like, “Ehhhh, that direct deposit from MGM is gonna be a tourniquet that stop’s the bleeding, Drama Queen.”
The New York Times (via People) reports Danny boy will be back as Bond in November of 2019. Mieka reported back on her and my first day at DListed Elementary School that the new 007 flick might be a reunion of sorts, as Adele might return to croon out the movie’s song. Which is great, because Spectre was doomed from the start with Sam Smith’s cat screeching.
Daniel really holds back when speaking to the press, so it’s unclear why he would decide to ever return the franchise he so famously poo-poohed. Just kidding, he told Time Out back in 2015, “If I did another Bond movie, it would only be for the money.” And money, it is! Sony is said to be offering him $150 MILLION to do two more films. While that is a LOT of shaken martinis, let’s just call a spade a spade: that’s just what the production and craft services teams pooled to offer him, just so they don’t have to hear Tom Hiddleston blab about how seeing him boning the Bond Girl in 3-D is going to really boost morale around UNICEF sites around the world.
First off, let me introduce myself! My name is Mieka and I’m likely old enough to be your mother but am actually your fun auntie who smokes you out in her car in the driveway after Thanksgiving dinner. I’m from Berkeley, California but I do not fux wit white people with dreads. I currently live in Switzerland, so good luck trying to find and murder me. Last night I had an anxiety dream where I met The Rock in a bar and tried to talk him into sending me pictures of his new dog (who was named Gipfel which is Swiss German for croissant so actually a really cute name) for a Dlisted post and he became sullen and irritated with me. In my mind, I’m the kind of monster who wipes the smile off The Rock’s face. I am genuinely humbled and grateful to be part of the Dlisted family so seriously, please do not try to murder me.
The Mirror is reporting that Daniel Craig has agreed to don The Tux once again and reprise his role as James Bond for the fifth time. Back in 2015 Craig was possessed by a 14 year old emo girl when he dramatically declared “I’d rather break this glass and slash my wrists” when asked if he’s ever play Bond again. He then slammed his bedroom door, cranked up the Fall Out Boy and angrily journaled about how nobody respects him as real AC-TOR. But then mom (producer Barbara Broccoli) gently knocked on the door and told him she made his favorite meatloaf and if he’d come down to dinner she’d let him sit next to Aunt Adele (who might also return to do the theme song) and give him millions of more dollars. Apparently that may have been incentive enough so Craig put on his big boy pants (you know the ones, they are just a little too tight in the crotch) and came down to take his seat at the table, as expected.
Page Six says that the seemingly never-ending search for the new James Bond is over and it’s….Daniel Craig. Congratulations, Daniel Craig, you did it!