Open Post: Hosted By Dakota Johnson Trying To Covertly See Angelina Jolie’s Reaction To Jennifer Aniston Being Onstage
The ones who are not named St. Angie Jolie or Jennifer Aniston are acting so strange in that picture. The natural reaction to being that close to Angie and Aniston at the same time is to hold up two phones: one to record Angie’s face reacting to Aniston, and the other to record Aniston’s face reacting to Angie. Celebrities are so fucking weird.
Last month it was rumored that billionaire Elon Musk was trying to woo Dakota Johnson. A few weeks after that, Dakota Johnson was reportedly hanging around Chris Martin. Elon might want to consider setting his romantic sights on someone else, unless he wants to tangle with one of Chris Martin’s many scarves to get to Dakota. Because according to UsWeekly, Dakota and Chris are “definitely dating” now.
The world may be a shitty place at the moment, but at least there’s one tiny silver lining: next Valentine’s Day will be the last one where the world is tormented with a new Fifty Shades Of Grey movie. Can I get a whips and chains amen?! Continue reading
Page Six says that Elon Musk is single and ready to mingle with hot young famous types, and he’s currently got his sight set on several potential girlfriend candidates, including Dakota Johnson. I guess Elon finally took the hint that Amber Heard clearly doesn’t want his Space in her X anymore and decided to move on.
Page Six is reporting that Dakota Johnson might be getting all up on The Hammaconda. Dakota and Jon Hamm were spotted slurping down wine last week at a hotel bar in NYC after he hosted the Brooklyn Black Tie Ball.
The new teaser trailer for the third film called Fifty Shades Freed is out, and once again it looks like it’s NOT about a kinky couple bumping uglies in the paint swatch samples aisle at Home Depot.
Not to humble brag or anything, but I don’t really follow these films, nor did I read any of the books. But like any other red-blooded American woman, a certain amount of knowledge has, without my consent, slipped into my subconscious. So I guess I know the basics. The first one was all “I’m an A-type ugly duckling who needs to get laid, damn who’s this sexy manipulator?” and the second one was all “I got my back blown out by a billionaire and now it’s my turn to hold the whip.” According to this teaser trailer, I guess this third one is all “let me go ahead and marry this dude cuz I got rich bitch shit to do, oh no did I just get kidnapped by some other dude I wanna fuck?”