Multiplex employees everywhere can finally begin to breathe a sigh of relief, for they’re finally in the Fifty Shades homestretch. Only a few more weekends of holding down their gag reflex when a middle-aged woman asks them for the 6,379th time if they’re so excited for the “climax” of the series. And if the box office numbers are any indication, they might have to suffer just a little longer.
Irish vulgarity translator Jamie Dornan went on Conan to sell the thankfully last film in the Fifty Shades of This Isn’t Doing Much For Making Kink Look Fun trilogy. Because you’ve got to have a gimmick, the prettiest serial killer in existence (The Fall made me understand why Ted Bundy had groupies) had a story about taking off co-star Dakota Johnson’s panties. I’m pretty sure this is the same sort of story Clark Gable told about Vivian Leigh’s drawers on Tonight Starring Steve Allen.
At the Golden Globes, Dakota Johnson got caught caught staring in Angelina Jolie’s direction as Angelina attempted not to notice Jennifer Aniston standing on stage in front of them. Dakota now says that she might not actually have been caught staring at the person we all want her to be.
You could just tell from Darren Aronofsky’s rambling on and on and on and…you get the idea…about his twisted Sunday School of a movie, mother!, that he just KNEW he was going to spend the night of the Oscars collecting statue after statue and rubbing shoulders with Meryl Streep. Instead, he’ll get the chance to maybe be the muse for James Franco’s next movie about a turd of a movie (well, if he’s even allowed to make movies again). That’s right, the 38th annual Golden Raspberry Awards nominees were released today, and it looks like those Fifty Shades Of Shit movies have some competition from mother!. Continue reading
Open Post: Hosted By Dakota Johnson Trying To Covertly See Angelina Jolie’s Reaction To Jennifer Aniston Being Onstage
The ones who are not named St. Angie Jolie or Jennifer Aniston are acting so strange in that picture. The natural reaction to being that close to Angie and Aniston at the same time is to hold up two phones: one to record Angie’s face reacting to Aniston, and the other to record Aniston’s face reacting to Angie. Celebrities are so fucking weird.
Last month it was rumored that billionaire Elon Musk was trying to woo Dakota Johnson. A few weeks after that, Dakota Johnson was reportedly hanging around Chris Martin. Elon might want to consider setting his romantic sights on someone else, unless he wants to tangle with one of Chris Martin’s many scarves to get to Dakota. Because according to UsWeekly, Dakota and Chris are “definitely dating” now.