Yesterday we learned that Scarlett Johansson’s divorce and subsequent custody battle with her French husband Romain Dauriac was getting more uncomfortable than watching ScarJo get a reach-around kiss from John Travolta. Scarlett filed divorce papers on Monday and asked for primary custody of their 2-year-old daughter Rose Dorothy. Romain’s lawyer publicly talked bout the situation, to which Scarlett responded by releasing a statement asking “other parties” involved to keep their le trap shut and do this in a private way.
“It is indeed unfortunate, especially for our daughter, that Scarlett filed in Court and made our personal differences so public. I would implore her to withdraw her action promptly and go back, as uncomfortable as it might be, to the negotiating table. We are the parents of a lovely daughter whom we will continue to co-parent for many years and share her joys and sorrows as only a parent can.”
I love how that statement is both shady (see: the part accusing Scarlett “Private Person” Johansson of making their drama public) and art-house sophisticated (see: that part about sharing her joys and sorrows).
The thing I learned the most from Romain’s statement is that he communicates with words. I always assumed Romain just moved from room to room, communicating solely through intense gazes. There goes my theory that their divorce battle would reach a breaking point over a moody stare-down.
And yes, this is the official “Brace Yourselves For Another Possibly Messy Custody Battle” face:
In January, we learned that Scarlett Johansson and her French journalist husband of about 2 years, Romain Dauriac, broke up over the summer after deciding that they didn’t want to wake up to each other’s faces every day anymore. It seemed like ScarJo and RoDa’s split wasn’t going to go the way of other celebrity splits (read: into a diarrhea puddle). While separated, ScarJo and Romain opened up their fancy popcorn shop in Paris together, and even after the news of their break-up came out, they posed for a picture together at some event. But since a Hollywood divorce just can’t go smoothly anymore, Romain’s lawyer tells Page Six that shit may get bumpy.
Let’s all take a trip back to 11 years ago, back to the You, Me and Dupree days of 2006 when Kate Hudson was quitting her six-year marriage to Chris Robinson. When Kate and Chris first finalized their divorced a year later, they were both granted joint custody of their (then) 2-year-old son Ryder. That arrangement seemed to be working for them. Kate and Chris always seemed they kind of had a no-drama divorce (well, except for the rumor about Kate’s married ass getting with Owen Wilson), but ten years later, things may be a little less cool and easy-going between them.
Almost two weeks ago, Ciara decided she was done fighting with her ex-fiancé Future and dropped her $15 million defamation lawsuit against him. As much as Ciara would love for Future to disappear from her life for good, that’s not going to happen. Ciara and Future share a two-year-old son Future Zahir. They’ve been fighting over who gets custody of Baby Future, but that fight is over now too.
Ciara and Future originally agreed to joint custody back when they first split up, but then he got mad at her for letting Baby Future spend time with Russell Wilson, which turned into a defamation lawsuit, which prompted Ciara to attempt to get sole custody as a “fuck you” to her ex. Sources tell TMZ that Ciara and Future have recently agreed on joint custody. However, Baby Future will spend most of the time with his mommy. So Ciara sort of gets that sole custody that she wanted before, but in a far less dirty way.
The reason Ciara will haev so much time with Baby Future is because Daddy Future is on the road a lot. The source states that when Future is back home in Atlanta, he’ll have “reasonable access” to Baby Future. Seeing the words “reasonable” made me nervous, because if there’s one word I would never use to describe Ciara and Future’s relationship with each other, it’s “reasonable.” But TMZ’s source seems to think this situation won’t turn ugly again. Apparently Ciara and Future just want to close this chapter and move on with their lives. I hope so! Ciara is about to be a mom again, and I’m sure the last thing she wants to do is deal with both a screaming baby and a screaming baby daddy.
Usually the warm feeling around my heart is the result of eating too many Doritos before noon, but today it was caused by the cuteness that is a picture of a baby leaving an airplane while holding an airplane.
Despite the fact that Future Zahir is only two days away from turning 2, it feels like Ciara and her ex-fiance Future have been dragging him into their drama since the beginning of time. Or at least shortly after the beginning of his time. Three months after Ciara and Future became parents, they split up, then got back together a month later, then split up again. Then Ciara started seeing Russell Wilson and letting him hang out with Baby Future, which pissed Future off enough to publicly slap at Ciara’s parenting skills and accuse her of denying him daddy time. That pissed Ciara off and she slapped him with a $15 million defamation lawsuit. Future responded by counter-suing. Which brings us to yesterday.
According to TMZ, Ciara 1-2 stepped into a courtroom yesterday and asked a judge for sole custody of Baby Future, and I’m pretty sure you can guess the reason why. If you said “Because Ciara accused him of being a crappy dad?“, congratulations, you’ve won a glamorous prize (the plastic bowtie from a Jewel Secrets Ken doll). Future was also in the courtroom yesterday, and his contribution to the conversation was to ask for joint custody. The judge agreed, and decided that Ciara and Future will share joint custody.
Neither Ciara nor Future have said anything about their new custody arrangement, but I’m going to go out on a limb and assume Ciara probably isn’t very happy about it. But she needs to look on the bright side: Baby Future spending more time at daddy’s house means more time to practice walking slowly down the aisle at her wedding. Look, if I was about to marry a dude who asked me to wait until our wedding night for sex, I’d need to get in as much practice as possible not to sprint full-speed down the aisle.
Last night in the Open Post, I commended Madonna for being relatively tame, for her, with that almost-teary huff huff she pulled at her concert in Auckland, New Zealand when she dedicated “La Vie en Rose” to her son Rocco Ritchie. Last December, 15-year-old Rocco packed his shit up, put on his headphones to listen to Nicole Scherzinger‘s masterpiece “Don’t Hold Your Breath” and moved his ass in with his dad, Guy Ritchie, in December. I thought Madonna was trying to be more low-key with her attention seeking, but she played me. The Daily Mail is reporting she has allegedly accepted defeat on getting Rocco back. This revelation, of course, happened to be “leaked” on English Mother’s Day. Well, played Madonna.