If you’re a Walmart parking lot drug dealer in the Salt Lake City area, a barefoot tornado of blond messiness may have tried to trade you a kid for a baggie of the bad shit last night. Because TMZ reports that Charlie Sheen’s ex and the mother of his 7-year-old twins, Bob and Max, caused a scene at a bar last night and they were all missing for a few hours.
The last time Backdoor Farrah’s name was farted up onto this blog, I linked to a post about the picture she posted on Instagram of her 7-year-old daughter Sophia drinking Flat Tummy Tea. Whether she really gave her little daughter laxative tea or she was just trolling for attention, I figured that an agent from CPS would still crash through her ceiling, swoop up Sophia and retreat back up into a getaway helicopter. That didn’t happen, because Farrah is still using her daughter as a prop to get attention. And yes, I’m falling for it, but it’s either post about this wreck or do another damn post about the election.
The L.A. County Department of Children and Family Services was mainly looking at Brad Pitt’s alleged drunken meltdown on a plane and his side tried to convince everyone that it was a one-time thing, but after talking to the kids and Angelina Jolie, DCFS has reportedly opened up their investigation and are now passing their magnifying glasses over other incidents that may have gone down. Yup, this mess got messier…
It’s been a busy week for the celebrity unit of CPS Los Angeles. First, they started an investigation into Brad Pitt’s alleged bad daddy situation, and now they’re looking at Chris Brown. One would think that child services opened a case the moment they heard the words “Chris Brown is a father“, but this is the first time he’s being investigated. Although if you ask him, there is no investigation.
And It’s Getting A Lot Messier: Brad Pitt Is Being Investigated For Child Abuse (UPDATE: The FBI Reportedly Has The Case)
Well, now the Brangelina divorce drama has gone from rumors about Brad Pitt being a mean stoner and passing his wandering fondue-covered peen to Marion Cotillard and Russian whores, and has made sharp turn into the muddy, shit-covered roads of Johnny Depp/Amber Heard territory. But instead of Brad being accused of abusing Angelina Jolie, he’s being accused of verbally and physically abusing his children.
Catholic Mel Gibson once again summoned side-eyes from strict Catholic abuelitas everywhere by making a baby with a woman he isn’t married to. 60-year-old Mad Mel’s angry grizzly man jizz knocked up his 26-year-old equestrian vaulter/aspiring screenwriter girlfriend of 2 years Rosalind Ross. Rosalind will pop out the latest member of Mad Mel’s child army early next year. Mel’s rep confirmed the news to People. All of the 60-something people I know or have known want to spend their days burping themselves after their 6th beer and they don’t want to spend their days burping a baby. But a source tells People that Mad Mel can’t wait for his new baby to show up.
“Mel and Rose are so excited about the baby. Mel loves being a dad and he and Rose can’t wait to be parents together. The last two years have been some of his happiest years he’s ever had.”
Mad Mel has 7 kids with his ex-wife Robyn Moore, and as everyone knows, he has an almost-7-year-old daughter with Oksana Grigorieva. Mel’s oldest is 36. His knocked-up piece is younger than 5 of his 8 kids.
And before every family court judge in Los Angeles left for the weekend, they got together and took bets as to how long before Rosalind and Mad Mel are in one their court rooms fighting over child support money. They all probably bet around 6 months, but they’re hoping the answer is never, because they really don’t want to hear another recording of Mel scream-whining about how Rosalind needs to blow him as he pours gasoline on the floor.