Category: CPS Is On Line One

I Bet Kimye’s Fourth Kid Wish That They Really Did Name Him “Bear West”

May 17, 2019 / Posted by:

There was a rumor that Kim Kardashian and Kanye West named their fourth child/Instagram accessory Bear West, which isn’t a terrible name since it sounds like the second largest bear party held in Palm Springs. But because “Bear West” isn’t pretentiously dumb enough to make everyone roll their eyes out of their sockets, and because Kanye West wants to continue his transformation into psycho religious cult leader, they have gone with: Psalm West. “That’s psalm psad and pstupid pshit!” is probably what God shouted in heaven.

And you may not have read what their newest baby’s name is since your soul got sucked into Kim’s red latex kamel toe of destruction. Consider yourself lucky.

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Amy Schumer Told Us What She Named Her Baby, And I’m Already Passing Him Name Change Forms

May 8, 2019 / Posted by:

If you thought that Duchess Meghan and Prince Hot Ginge naming their son Archie and not giving him a title was cruel and usual punishment, then stop it, he’s a royal, will never have to worry about a negative bank account balance, and can ask his cousin, Future King George, to send any bitches to the guillotine for making fun of him. Besides, you should really direct your sympathy to Amy Schumer’s son, because no amount of Rectiv ointment is going to heal him of the pain he’ll suffer through when he realizes what his alleged name is. That’s if his mom isn’t fucking with us.

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A YouTube Family Pissed Off The Internet With Idiotic “Prank” And Had To Apologize For It

April 4, 2019 / Posted by:

The New York Daily News is reporting that humanity is still out here proving that we’re hands-down the worst species on the planet. YouTube couple, Cole and Savannah LaBrant, are getting some shit for doing what YouTubers do: act a mess for attention and $$$$. It all started because of what they thought was a harmless prank for April Fool’s Day. A bit of a funny jest to play on their children and record it for the amusement of their 8.7 million (Really guys? You don’t have families of your own to pay attention to? Or…?) followers. But it took a hard turn pretty fast and went from fun familial jokestering to potentially traumatic.

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Pooch Hall Has Been Charged With DUI And Felony Child Abuse

October 25, 2018 / Posted by:

Earlier this month, bad parenting got a new poster boy in Ray Donovan actor Marion “Pooch” Hall, after he allegedly got drunk and let his 2-year-old son drive him home, rather than, oh I don’t know, literally ANYTHING ELSE besides letting a toddler drive. Pooch was arrested for DUI and felony child endangerment. TMZ says that Pooch has recently been formally charged for that night, and he’s looking at a felony child abuse charge.

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Jenelle Evans From “Teen Mom” Admits She Tested Positive For Weed After Giving Birth

February 20, 2018 / Posted by:

MTV’s Teen Mom 2 star Jenelle Evans isn’t known for making the best decisions, especially when it comes to putting stuff in her body (and I’m not talking about unwrapped penises). Jenelle has done a lot of drugs, and at one point was spending $2800 a week on heroin before quitting it. Jenelle lost custody of her first kid, Jace, because of drugs. Jenelle was rumored to have been smoking weed through her second pregnancy with her son Kaiser. And now we know that Jenelle was smoking weed while she was pregnant with her daughter Ensley, because she recently admitted it and said she did it for health reasons.

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Lisa Marie Presley’s Divorce Just Got Dark-Sided

February 17, 2017 / Posted by:

Nowadays whenever news about a celebrity’s divorce comes out, you gotta pull out a bottle of holy water-infused Febreze and prepare to spray, because usually some gross shit follows that news. It seems like most celebrities divorces have been getting beyond ugly and Lisa Marie Presley’s divorce is no exception.

Lisa Marie filed for divorce from her Tom-Petty-As-A-Tim-Burton-Villain-looking ass husband, Michael Lockwood, in June after 10 years of being married. Lisa Marie and Michael have twin 8-year-old daughters, Finley and Harper. Those daughters are now in the custody of the Los Angeles County Department of Children and Family Services after Lisa Marie told the authorities that she found disturbing things on Michael’s computer. It was way more disturbing than pictures of Michael in various busted hats. It was allegedly some Subway Jared-type shit. TMZ says that what was found was serious enough for Finley and Harper to be taken away.

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