Category: CPS Is On Line One

Chet Haze Is Papa Haze Now

December 8, 2016 / Posted by:

The last time we checked in with Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson’s human Four Loko headache of a son Chet Haze, he was apologizing for using the n-word and announcing he was going to stop doing coke and crack. That was a little over a year ago, and we have an update on Chet Haze’s life. One of the things Chet did in the time since we last heard from him was make a baby. Yes, Chet Haze is a dad.

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Brooke Mueller’s Sons Are Reportedly Safe After She Lost It In A Bar And Went Missing (UPDATE)

November 16, 2016 / Posted by:

If you’re a Walmart parking lot drug dealer in the Salt Lake City area,  a barefoot tornado of blond messiness may have tried to trade you a kid for a baggie of the bad shit last night. Because TMZ reports that Charlie Sheen’s ex and the mother of his 7-year-old twins, Bob and Max, caused a scene at a bar last night and they were all missing for a few hours.

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Farrah Abraham Is Still Campaigning Hard For Mother Of The Century

November 8, 2016 / Posted by:

The last time Backdoor Farrah’s name was farted up onto this blog, I linked to a post about the picture she posted on Instagram of her 7-year-old daughter Sophia drinking Flat Tummy Tea. Whether she really gave her little daughter laxative tea or she was just trolling for attention, I figured that an agent from CPS would still crash through her ceiling, swoop up Sophia and retreat back up into a getaway helicopter. That didn’t happen, because Farrah is still using her daughter as a prop to get attention. And yes, I’m falling for it, but it’s either post about this wreck or do another damn post about the election.

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DCFS Is Now Investigating Brangelina’s Entire Family And Other Possible Incidents

October 26, 2016 / Posted by:

The L.A. County Department of Children and Family Services was mainly looking at Brad Pitt’s alleged drunken meltdown on a plane and his side tried to convince everyone that it was a one-time thing, but after talking to the kids and Angelina Jolie, DCFS has reportedly opened up their investigation and are now passing their magnifying glasses over other incidents that may have gone down. Yup, this mess got messier…

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Chris Brown Denies That He’s Being Investigated By Child Services

September 23, 2016 / Posted by:

It’s been a busy week for the celebrity unit of CPS Los Angeles. First, they started an investigation into Brad Pitt’s alleged bad daddy situation, and now they’re looking at Chris Brown. One would think that child services opened a case the moment they heard the words “Chris Brown is a father“, but this is the first time he’s being investigated. Although if you ask him, there is no investigation.

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And It’s Getting A Lot Messier: Brad Pitt Is Being Investigated For Child Abuse (UPDATE: The FBI Reportedly Has The Case)

September 22, 2016 / Posted by:

Well, now the Brangelina divorce drama has gone from rumors about Brad Pitt being a mean stoner and passing his wandering fondue-covered peen to Marion Cotillard and Russian whores, and has made sharp turn into the muddy, shit-covered roads of Johnny Depp/Amber Heard territory. But instead of Brad being accused of abusing Angelina Jolie, he’s being accused of verbally and physically abusing his children.

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