The Gagabot 3000’s mission won’t be complete until it either wins an Academy Award for its stirring performance as Human Woman In Love, or fries its circuits in front of an audience of thousands (if we’re being generous) when it ultimately loses to Glenn Close. But it’s already achieved one important step in its mission to achieve Global Domination, it’s rendered me susceptible to its star signal Shallow. I resisted it at first, but repetition is a son of a bitch, and now it’s an earworm I’ll probably have to live with for at least the next 5 years.
Thankfully, it’s been popular for long enough now that it’s getting covered by singers other than Gagabot 3000 and its maker Bradley Cooper. Enter real life, flesh and blood human woman Kelly Clarkson, who covered Shallow at a gig all by herself, rendering poor Bradley even more superfluous than his monstrous creation has.
Do you love the song September by Earth, Wind & Fire but always wished it was just a little bit shittier? Ok, a lot shittier? Well, you’re in luck. Taylor Swift shares you sentiments! She covered it for Spotify’s Singles series, and instead of evoking feelings of joy, nostalgia, love and sexy fun, it evokes feelings of asthma attacks, stale beer honky tonks and suicidal ideation!
Frank Ocean just dropped a hot new track and and the kids are all like “have you heard that new Frank Ocean groove?! It’s outta sight!” (this is how the kids talk, right?). It’s a cover of Moon River but that’s news to a whole bunch of youths who thought it was an original song.