This has been a big week for long-awaited justice. With the Golden State Killer possibly getting caught and Bill Cosby convicted, authorities have announced that new evidence in the case of WTF Happened To Corey Feldman, has come to light. According to The Blast, multiple witnesses and security footage have been found that corroborates Corey’s bizarre story about getting stabbed/attacked/aggressively tickled by an entity he called the “wolf pack” while stopped at a light in either a calculated hit (Corey’s belief) or a road rage situation (LAPD’s belief).
Now that the case of #WhoBitBeyonce has maybe been solved (and the Beyhive Protection Agency has since moved Sanaa Lathan to a nondescript suburb in Missouri where’s she’s working as a Piggly Wiggly cashier named Brenda who loves Beyonce, so the Beyhive will be thrown off her trail ), there’s a new case on the scene that Detective La Toyas-in-training can run their magnifying glasses over. It’s the case of Who Stabbed Corey Feldman? Or because of what the LAPD says, it could be the case of Was Corey Feldman Even Stabbed At All? (Insert DramaticDogFace.mov here)
The story goes that in Tarzana, CA last night, Corey Feldman and a security guard were in a car stopped at a red light when 3 dudes pulled up. One dude jumped out of the car, opened Corey’s door and stabbed him before they all busted out of the scene. Corey was taken to the hospital, but don’t worry, it looks like he’s okay. Okay enough to vape (see: vape pen on the left) and tweet, anyway. I’m going to need Corey to tell me which L.A. area hospital let him vape, because if I so much as pull out a weed pen in a hospital, the nurses will tackle me (and probably because they want a hit of that shit since being a nurse is no joke).
Corey Feldman still has problems (understatement) but at least he’s got one less problem to worry about. Last month, a woman appeared in a Los Angeles police station and filed a report claiming that Corey Feldman grabbed her butt a year earlier. This came as a shock to me, because I was under the impression Corey’s hands were almost exclusively used for throwing up peace signs. The LAPD conducted an investigation, and it turns out we won’t be seeing Corey Feldman’s hands in cuffs over this situation.
Corey Feldman has made it his mission to expose the awful creeps slithering around Hollywood. In a very unfortunate turn of events, a woman has recently accused Corey of being a creep. TMZ says that a woman appeared in a Los Angeles police station on Monday and filed a report claiming that Corey Feldman had allegedly grabbed her butt last year. TMZ points out that this accusation most definitely falls within the statute of limitations, so there could be trouble for Corey. No other details are known, like when or where exactly it happened.
Corey’s rep tells TMZ that Corey “vehemently denies these egregious claims.”
While launching his TRUTH campaign back in October (a campaign which is now closed after raising a little over $273,000) Corey Feldman claimed he had almost gotten hit by a truck while walking in Los Angeles. He believed it was a suspicious circumstance, possibly to silence him for all the talking he was doing. So Corey could argue that this is all part of a plot by the underground pedo lair of Hollywood to discredit him.
I’m sure Corey is pissed off at the timing. He recently got the LAPD on his side. So things might be pretty kind of awkward the next time calls the LAPD asking if they’ve got any new information. Instead of answering right away, they’re first going to have to ask him, “Are you talking about the report you filed with the pedos, or the one that was filed against you for being an ass-grabber?”
Lifetime released the first trailer for their latest low-budget mess of a Corey Haim/Corey Feldman biopic, A Tale of Two Coreys. It has all the hallmarks of a good Lifetime movie: drama, capital-A acting, a cavalcade of terrible hair. Plus the mood is set to the 80s synth of “Sunglasses at Night” by Corey Hart. If you hadn’t already guessed, the mood set is a dark one.
Corey Feldman has been trying to expose Hollywood’s secret coalition of protected pedophiles for years now. One criticism against Corey was that he wasn’t naming names. So Corey started naming names, which turned into others close to the situation naming a name. But Corey claims that he had been naming names, he just did it way back in 1993 in a private recorded meeting with the Santa Barbara Police Department. The SBPD claimed they had no such recording. Well what do you know? The tape has reportedly been found.