And they said it wouldn’t last…oh, wait. That doesn’t work here. Call it the Kase of the Kurse of Kris Jenner or wandering peen or just moving way too fucking fast, but Colton Haynes and Jeff Leatham are barreling through their break-up at just the pedal-to-the-medal speed they had when they first got together. It’s a shame they didn’t enter the Kentucky Derby last weekend because this is turning into the Triple Crown of celeb splits.
TMZ reports Colton has already filed for divorce from Jeff, his husband of six months and source of what appears to be every A-List flower arrangement in Los Angeles. Divorce documents were filed Tuesday, and people still aren’t sure why they’re over. Colton unfollowed Jeff on social media, and when he posted a song about cheating on YouTube, people figured Jeff had either boned someone who isn’t Colton or Colton was trying to be on American Idol.
Colton has since said Jeff didn’t cheat on him, so people still have no fucking clue as to what it was that broke these two up. If I had to wager a guess, I’d say Colton brought home a hanging plant from Home Depot, and that just really insulted Jeff’s Four Seasons-caliber florals and sent him into a tailspin. What? I’ve known gay couples who have broken up over far less! Like Beanie Babies. OK, fine. I was that gay couple who broke up over a Beanie Baby collection.
On Friday, it was revealed that the six-month marriage of Colton Haynes and celebrity florist Jeff Leatham was laid out in a drawer at the morgue. The day before that, Colton released a new song called “Man It Sucks” on YouTube. Despite its title, it didn’t have anything to do with the oral favors shared between newlywed husbands. It was a song whose lyrics were clearly about cheating on your partner. Well, you’ve made an ass out of you and me when you assumed the ditty was about his newly ex-husband. Not so, Colton tweeted yesterday. Then it had to be about those matching beaded jackets they wore at their wedding reception because those were a huge amount of NOPE.
Now I’m not saying that Colton Haynes’ marriage to his flower daddy Jeff Leatham was doomed as soon as they chose Pimp Mama Kris to officiate their wedding, but I am saying that Colton Haynes’ marriage to his flower daddy Jeff Letham was doomed as soon as they chose Pimp Mama Kris to officiate their wedding.
Six months ago, 29-year-old Colton Haynes married 46-year-old floral designer Jeff Leatham in a big, gay and lavish all-star Palm Springs ceremony that PMK officiated. I say all-star only because Melanie Griffith was a guest and that’s really all you need to make your event all-star. And seven months before that big, gay and lavish wedding ceremony, Jeff proposed to Colton in a big, gay and lavish engagement ceremony featuring Cher, bitch! And now TMZ reports that Colton and Jeff are over.
When 29-year-old Colton Haynes got engaged to his 46-year-old flower daddy Jeff Leatham (he’s a floral designer), it was a big, gay extravaganza complete with fireworks, drama and an appearance by Cher. So when I heard they were getting married this weekend, I prepared to explode into a tornado of glitter from the glorious gayness of their wedding. I expected to see Barbra Streisand softly yodel out Evergreen while officiating their ceremony from a giant crystal swan covered with rhinestone-encrusted white orchids imported from Thailand. But I guess all their money was spent on the engagement ceremony, because they had to settle for Pimp Mama Kris as their officiant.
For the past few years, actor and over-the-top displayer of affection, Colton Haynes has been actively trying to snatch the Queen of Halloween crown off of Heidi Klum’s head. Colton has celebrated Halloween by dressing up like Fiona from Shrek, a malnourished Ursula the Sea Witch and a slutty Miss Piggy (which looked more like Courtney Stodden in the pig people episode of the Twilight Zone). This year, Colton started the Slutoween party early by hosting an event for Freixenet Cava in L.A. last night. And he hosted it while done up as the ho shit version of everyone’s favorite jaundice-stricken, thyroid eye disease-having MILF, Marge Simpson!
Instagram pin-up boy and TV star Colton Haynes is on vacation in Turks and Caicos with his fiancé, celebrity floral designer Jeff Leatham. Because something didn’t happen unless it’s posted about, Colton documented his getaway on Instagram. To his credit, Colton happens to be one of the more considerate online over-sharers. He knew enough to include a pic of his butt cheeks. Vacation photos are much less ponderous if a hot ass pops up. You can see the full ass shot after the jump, you horny tramps!