It shouldn’t really surprise anyone that the black sheep of the Entertainment industry Lindsay Lohan has crawled out from underneath her bridge to participate in some good old-fashioned trolling after Monday’s Met Gala. She probably scoured the internet for hours picking apart each outfit she found until she came across Zendaya‘s Cinderella-themed look and shouted “A ha! This is how I’ll get attention!” because she is now claiming Zendaya’s entire look is the Market Pantry version of Claire Danes‘ light-up look from 2016’s Met Gala.
Finally, Claire Danes isn’t the ugliest crier in her household. According to the Associated Press, she and husband Hugh Dancy welcomed a new sobbing mess in the form of a baby boy on August 21. I think I read somewhere that newborns don’t actually produce tears and snot when they cry, but I have seen them get all red and rude, so sorry Claire, you must pass the mantle.
Claire announced her recently concluded pregnancy on The Howard Stern Show back in April. This is the couple’s second child, they have a 5-year-old son with three first names, Cyrus Michael Christopher. At the rate they’re going, the world’s supply of common European male Christian names is in peril. If you want to use the names John, William or James anytime in the near future, you better call dibs on them now before the Danes-Dancys do.
I hope Claire makes Jared Leto the Godfather of this baby and he sends her all sorts of over-the=top Gucci onesies, Dolce & Gabbana satin diapers, and a solid gold pacifier. If they make Mandy Patinkin the Godfather, I hope he gives the baby the complete works of Sondheim and a beard grooming kit. And if Hugh’s Hannibal costar Mads Mikkelsen gets the honor, then I hope he gives me his number because I just really need to talk to him. Privately. About some sex things. Sorry if I made this birth announcement weird and about me, but I have needs.
There were some real upside down and sideways looks on display at the The Council of Fashion Designers of America awards in NYC last night. Most notably Whoopi Goldberg giving us Little Bo Peep who lost her sheep and was forced to go to the big city and take out a bank loan for more, wearing her best Big Business suit. The added bonus of that suit is that those giant bell bottoms probably ring so damn loud, the sheep should have no problem finding their way back home.
Other notable looks included: Cate Blanchett‘s tuxedo/ baked potato/ butcher’s apron combo, and the night’s host Issa Rae’s belt that read “Every Nigga Is A Star”. All of those looks and more are in the gallery but for now, we’ve got plenty of high fashion to keep us in “what is going on here”s for a week.
Claire Danes and her husband Hugh Dancy are expecting baby number two. The couple already have a 5-year-old son named Cyrus Michael Christopher Dancy, which is far too many names. According to Us Weekly, Claire broke the news to Howard Stern when she appeared on his SiriusXM show today. It came up while they were talking about an acrobatic, nude sex scene she had to shoot for Homeland. When she spilled the tea, Howard and company seemed incredulous and said that she didn’t look pregnant. But Claire said that was because she was sitting down. Claire clarified her situation for Howard (via Us Weekly):
“I am pregnant. I’m seriously prego … I’m deep into my second trimester,” the Homeland actress, 39, revealed on the show, but did say she’s keeping the gender private.
I don’t know nothing about birthin’ no babies, so “second trimester” doesn’t really tell me much. I need to know where that is on the universal fruit scale. Are we talking tangerine, orange, grapefruit or honeydew melon?
Claire outran the karma police last time she came down with a case of the zygotes and Hugh didn’t bounce and leave her for tasty Danish morsel Mads Mikkelsen. I mean, who would blame him if he had! Will Claire escape the curse of Mary-Louise Parker once again?! Only time will tell.
Naomi Watts really did a number on me last year when it came out that (despite Liev Schrieber’s versatility in bouncing from a Shakespearean role to playing Cotton Weary in Scream) Liev would NOT maintain his 11-year part in pleasing Naomi’s Aussie cooch. The duo split, and garbled out the typical “We have huge love and respect for one another and high hopes for it to remain that way going forward” ca-ca. That is the usual prerequisite in Hollywood, before one of them fucks a member of the hired help and then has to buy them a Prius as hush money.
Well, it seems Naomi’s role as a horny therapist in Gypsy is sending tingles to her lady bits, as Page Six reports. Supposedly, she’s bumping Down Unders with her TV-husband (and MasterCard “Priceless” guy!) Billy Crudup. Continue reading
At least I assume that’s what’s supposed to be going on here? Claire Danes must either be working out the kinks of a new prescription from her optometrist, or she legitimately wanted to dress in this outfit for the Met Gala. I think it’s the second option. But mostly because I want to believe there’s a stylist out there who successfully convinced Claire Danes to work some aspiring early-00s European trance DJ realness.
Claire Danes’ Met Gala ensemble is something Stefon would describe in a Why She Looks A Mess support group. Claire’s outfit has everything: cargo pockets, the cheapest curtain panel from IKEA, Cameron Diaz’s old hair, those folded paper fans your auntie makes when she’s too hot in church, pants from a Pussycat Dolls fire sale.
That whole outfit, which you can thank Monse for, gave me a major flashback to about a decade ago. I had a very similar shirt. Except mine had way more grommets and laces, and I definitely wore it with a pair of knock-off stiletto Converse that I bought for $19.99 at Zellers. Although I never would have paired it with those cargo-pocket formal pants like Claire. Pseudo-combat style mixed with suburban wannabe? Ugh, so tacky!