Before Harvey Weinstein was officially outed as the closest DNA relative to a bridge troll, it seemed as though every red carpet had at least one star in a Marchesa dress. Marchesa is co-owned by Harvey’s now-estranged wife Georgina Chapman. Then the stories about Harvey went public, and A-list actresses were running away from Marchesa as if it was a deep-fried gluten sandwich. Nobody wanted to wear Marchesa anymore. Well, nobody until Scarlett Johansson, who did just that at the Met Gala.
On Friday night, Casamigos tequila threw a 70s-themed Halloween party in L.A., and Amal Clooney, Rande Gerber and his wife Cindy Crawford fanned the flames of those swingers rumors by doing themselves up like a bunch of coked-up suburbanites going to a key party. Actually, Amal and Rande look like they’re about to drop their faces onto a pile of the white shit at their neighbor’s key party, while Cindy Crawford looks more like Joan Crawford on a cruise to Rio.
But the real surprise here is Rande Gerber. Like Casamigos tequila, Rande has never done anything for me, but seeing him looking like an oven-roasted off-brand Rob Lowe Ken Doll as a 70s porn mogul makes me feel like I just butt chugged a bottle of Spanish Fly.
Tom + Lorenzo says that surprisingly, Amal’s Studio 54 costume didn’t come out of a plastic bag fished from the clearance costume section at Party City. Amal’s “costume” is a sequined designer gown by Halpern. A sequined Halpern jumpsuit goes for around $2,600, so I’m guessing that Amal’s costume cost about that much. Cheap, I know! It’s a good thing that Amal didn’t spend any real money on her costume, because it probably got ruined when George Clooney showed up to the party and cried out greasy bits of his ego all over it after learning that Suburbicon was going to flop.
George Clooney and his BFF Rande Gerber are the kind of best friends that make tequila together and live right next door to each other in Mexico. Sadly, they recently sold their twin villas in Cabo, which means George and Rande have to pack up their private telephone line, aka the tin cans attached to 30ft of string that Amal Clooney was nice enough to help them make. The good news is they’ll have a new place for them. Page Six says that both George and Rande recently purchased fancy condos in the same building in NYC.
When two sources “confirmed” that Kerry Washington had another baby growing in her belly yesterday, I made a joke that Kerry would confirm it herself by posing on the red carpet of the Met Gala with her hand placed on her stomach. And last night Kerry Washington hit the Met Gala red carpet with her hand on her stomach. Although I almost didn’t notice that hand because I was too distracted by that purple hair. Mon Dieu (splashes self with holy water), that hair! I am so conflicted. It’s not permanent (Instagram tells me that those are extensions), so that’s good. It sort of looks like the kind of fake hair you’d find on the floor of the Rock of Love Bus, which makes me want to pour myself a hot mug of penicillin. On the other hand, it looks like it was found on the floor of the Rock of Love Bus, which means it’s 100% pure fake hair perfection.
I’ve known some pregnant people, and one thing I’ve gleaned is that sometimes being knocked up makes you do some crazy things. Case in point: the gorgeous black lace boudoir ensemble Kerry is wearing. I feel like non-knocked up Kerry wouldn’t wear that. But knocked up Kerry? Sure! The more black lace the better. Or maybe this is Kerry’s way of paying tribute to Prince. If Prince designed maternity clothes, I’m almost positive that’s what he’d make.
Kerry didn’t exactly do much with the technology theme, but there were a few people who tried. Let’s start with Demi Lovato.
Last night, George Clooney and his tequila tasting partner Rande Gerber threw a pre-Halloween party sponsored by their tequila company, Casamigos, and – shock of all shocks, a bunch of Georgie’s famous friends showed up. Even though the Casamigos party was held on the day before Halloween, everyone still dressed up, because why wouldn’t you? When you’re rich as shit, you can afford to have your assistant stand in line outside of the Hell on Earth that is Party City 3 days before Halloween. Still, there’s always that one person who cannot muster a single fuck and shows up in regular clothes, and that person was Salma Hayek. Stars, they’re just like us!
There is literally nothing Halloween-y about Salma Hayek. It’s like she forgot about that shit, and decided to swing by on her way home from Barneys. Salma is giving me “pity pop-in“, and I love it. She probably told her rich-ass husband, François-Henri Pinault, that they were going to make an appearance at a party hosted by “some guy she worked with on From Dusk till Dawn” and assured him that it would “only take a second.”
Or maybe that is her costume: second wife of a French billionaire is a costume, right? But really, why bother putting in any effort when Jessica Alba is going to show up and shut everyone else down with her on-point Romy White costume.
That wig! You know someone is 100% into a costume when they spring for the good wig. For those of you screaming “BUT WHERE’S MICHELE???“, Jessica got a friend to dress up as Michele. I know, Cash Warren really dropped the ball on that one.
Here’s more famous types from George and Rande’s Casamigos party last night. Not pictured: George and Amal Clooney. I guess they decided to shock everyone and go as a couple who didn’t want to pose for the paps.
George and Amal Clooney continued to show the world that they’re the GREATEST COUPLE WHO EVER EXISTED by getting into a good old-fashioned staged canoodling session in front of a photographer at a party for his tequila brand in Ibiza, Spain last night. I’m going to choose to believe that the dude in the black shirt on the right witnessed their love-in-motion earlier in the day and was so inspired that he immediately ran out and got that Amal Clooney tattoo on his arm. (He’ll add the George Clooney tattoo later.)
George and Amal were in Ibiza with Cindy Crawford and Rande Gerber over the weekend to whore out their Casamigos tequila. Last night, they threw a launch party at the Ushuaia Ibiza Beach Hotel. You know, Vanity Fair recently put Amal Clooney on their best dressed list and I didn’t see it at all until my eyes landed on these pictures of her wearing a $2,400 dress that looks like it came directly from the closet of Nomi Malone. I love that dress, because it’s gold, sparkly, looks like it was bought from the clearance rack of a Joyce Leslie in New Jersey and would fit in anywhere from the ho stroll in Atlantic City to a Studio 54-theme night at a club in Reno. Those white panties under that slightly see-through dress was a nice, elegant touch too. More of this, Amal! I also love that George Clooney didn’t even try.
And somewhere, Sarah Larson is thinking to herself, “She looks like a cheap cocktail waitress at a bottom level Las Vegas casino. George totally misses me.”