The reason why Ciara‘s song “Level Up” is such a hit is probably because she’s the humanized definition of the term. After a succession of failed relationships with the Voltron of Fuck Boys 50 Cent, Bow Wow and plus-sized hating mush mouth Future (whom she made a baby with) Ciara hit the jackpot when she scored a ring from NFL Quarterback Russell Wilson. During their courtship though, Ciara and Russell decided to keep their goodies to themselves until marriage. They’re now happily married and happily fucking. However, she admits that she spent a lot of time on her knees performing a different kind of act to make sure their love was successful, and that act is called prayer.
The Grammys red carpet always looks like an intergalactic space orgy sprinkled with a bunch of random rappers who just rolled out of bed with barely enough time to grab their grill from the bedside table thrown in for good measure. Every year, it’s a mess. Plus you’ve always got legitimate superstars mixed in with a whole lot whosits and whateverhappenedtos. This year’s Grammy red carpet was no exception. I’m trying to sift through some of these looks, and honestly don’t know where to begin.
I’m not sure if rappers Soulja Boy and Future share a therapist and that therapist was off this week or whatever, because they’ve been giving their thoughts on shit to interviewers instead of a counselor. First, Soulja Boy gave a very meme-worthy interview with The Breakfast Club that still has people ready to call a reverend to lay hands on him. Now we have Ciara‘s ex-mess Future opening up his mouth to bash her and her NFL quarterback husband Russell Wilson once again because that’s what salty ex’s do when they have to be constantly reminded just how trashy they are on a daily basis.
The American Music Awards doesn’t have the respectability of the Grammys or the pizazz of the MTV VMAs, but it’s got…well, it’s got a pointy award and people that show up, and that’s all you really need for a music award show. As such, guests still put in some effort for the red carpet. Post Malone’s hair is still a mess and he’s got those “Yes I’ve been slowly picking off my Shellac manicure” nails, but he also came through with a bedazzled belt buckle and nudie suit made by Union Western Clothing featuring his initials and several snakes. I guess he didn’t get the memo that Taylor Swift had the whole snake thing locked down last night. Oh well, it still pulled his whole look together. That is, if he was going for a look that tells people he’s a very successful businessman who sells snakes at an Alabama swap meet.
The Billboard Music Awards were last night and if the red carpet is any indication, it lived up to it’s name because most stars looked as bored as can be. With very few exceptions, most of the night’s looks were uninspired and devoid of whimsy. Nick Jonas (above) looks like he just showed up for his shift at Applebees and still needs to go get his flair from his locker and take a quick shot at the bar before getting started. He’ll be with you in a minute, ok?
The American Music Awards aired on CBS last night in order for you to have something to talk about with your weird cousin Trisha over Thanksgiving weekend. The AMA’s are the perfect empty vessel in which to hold your familial conversational obligations. That said, a few attendees did come to slay. Like Hailee Steinfeld, who, thanks to that leather bra and sharp shoulder pad situation, is seen giving you The Bodyguard starring a young Joan Crawford.