Category: Ciara

Ciara Hit The “Red Table Talk” To Say Words About Her Ex Future

June 4, 2019 / Posted by:

Jada Pinkett Smith is continuing her trend of getting people to spill their secrets to her while sitting around her mystical red table. People reports that this time she ensorcelled Ciara who sat down with Jada, daughter Willow Smith, and mother Adrienne Banfield Norris to talk about her life. Ciara decided to talk about her ex, rapper Future, while gossiping with the Smith girls–specifically how terrible the relationship with him was and how she “unexpectedly” became a single mother. Drag him, Ciara!

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Future Gave His 5-Year-Old Son A Rolex For His Birthday

May 20, 2019 / Posted by:

In my experience, 5-year-old children are nearly impossible to shop for. It doesn’t matter what you give them, they get all excited by the box but then as soon as the box is opened and the gift unwrapped, they drop whatever book, toy or stuffed animal you carefully selected baring in mind the child’s current interests and abilities, utter a begrudging “thank you” when prompted by their guardian, and immediately move on to the next wrapped box. This cycle will repeat until all the boxes have been opened and all the adults’ feelings have been hurt by the child’s brazen lack of interest in their carefully selected offering. The lesson here is that it really doesn’t matter what you put in the box, so don’t sweat it! Future recently had to learn this lesson the expensive way when he gifted his 5-year-old son, Future Jr., a very expensive looking Rolex watch.

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Let Celine Dion Tell You What “Camp” Is….

May 7, 2019 / Posted by:

Most tricks of the Met Gala did not do the smart thing before picking their outfits by consulting true experts in camp like John Waters, the ghost of Divine, Angelyne, Elvira, Harald Gloockler, Tan Mom, or even Phoebe Price. It seems that many of them went to the same place: CHER. There was so much Cher-a-likes that the damn theme should’ve been Cher, who even performed (more on that in a second). Celine Dion also slathered herself in Cher, but it worked for me, because she’s Celine Dion, and also it looked like her head was getting attacked by a gay tumbleweed. Celine was asked what camp is to her, and her answer was so hilarious and wrong that I think it counts as camp…

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The Fine Line Between Fashion And Costume Was Stepped Over At The Billboard Music Awards

May 2, 2019 / Posted by:

You know when Tim Gunn used to warn Project Runway contestants about making sure their looks don’t go too costumey? It always turned out to be pretty solid advice, and contestants who didn’t heed his warnings were usually sent home. I always imagined those losing designers slipped quietly away to careers in the circus or on the drag circuit. But judging from the runway at last night’s Billboard Music Awards in Las Vegas, some of them went on to have lucrative careers making costumes for remakes of popular movies.

It’s been over 10 years since The Hurt Locker won the Academy Award for Best Picture. That means it’s ripe for a remake. In this version, Mustard has the nerve wracking job of diffusing Mariah Carey’s Lush bath bombs. It’s a dangerous job, but Mustard’s just the man to do it. Look, he’s on the hair brush right now, getting dispatched to his next mission. They’ve found a Bom Perignon in Mimi’s toilet!

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Ciara Says Abstaining From Sex Before Marriage Took Lots Of Prayer

March 14, 2019 / Posted by:

The reason why Ciara‘s song “Level Up” is such a hit is probably because she’s the humanized definition of the term. After a succession of failed relationships with the Voltron of Fuck Boys 50 Cent, Bow Wow and plus-sized hating mush mouth Future (whom she made a baby with) Ciara hit the jackpot when she scored a ring from NFL Quarterback Russell Wilson. During their courtship though, Ciara  and Russell decided to keep their goodies to themselves until marriage. They’re now happily married and happily fucking. However, she admits that she spent a lot of time on her knees performing a different kind of act to make sure their love was successful, and that act is called prayer.

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The Red Carpet Looks At The Grammy Awards Were Out Of This World

February 11, 2019 / Posted by:

The Grammys red carpet always looks like an intergalactic space orgy sprinkled with a bunch of random rappers who just rolled out of bed with barely enough time to grab their grill from the bedside table thrown in for good measure. Every year, it’s a mess. Plus you’ve always got legitimate superstars mixed in with a whole lot whosits and whateverhappenedtos. This year’s Grammy red carpet was no exception. I’m trying to sift through some of these looks, and honestly don’t know where to begin.

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