The number one question asked at the Billboard Music Awards tonight was, “Why does it smell like a spoiled chunk of gouda marinating in a dirty diaper on top of a subway platform in the middle of August?” And that’s because Ke$hit showed up with her ass hanging out.
The Garbage Pail Kids’ favorite pin-up ho actually looks like she was just deflead at the groomers. Yes, that skin-colored lipstick gave her abortion face and her ass cheeks are hanging out (which is a health department violation, I’m sure), but she actually looks clean-ish her. Bitch looks like a male Russian gymnast on estrogen going to a funeral and that IS the look.
And here’s some other tricks and tramps at the Billboard Music Awards tonight. In order after Ke$hit: Hell’s favorite couple, Hell’s second favorite couple, a broke down Harley Quinn, a block of Top Ramen at the ho shit prom, Psy, Justin Bieber’s former au pair (wearing a dress accessorized with glow sticks and bendy rubber rollers), Shania Twain, Taylor Swift, an Amish robot and something called a Z LaLa.
14-year-old Ariel Winter of Modern Family sort of looks like a come-to-life Disney cartoon princess and it’s fitting that she does since her mother is a come-to-life Disney villainess with a cuntified heart made of dried vulture shit and a devil tail hiding under her sensible dress from Chico’s.
Ariel’s mom Chrystal Workman temporarily lost custody of her 14-year-old daughter to her 34-year-old daughter Shanelle Workman after she was accused of committing mental and physical child abuse. Ariel claims that her mother is a monster and Chrystal accused Shanelle of only using Ariel to get a hold of some of that Modern Family money. Now publicist Jonathan Hay has gone to Radar to tell them that Chrystal Workman might be one of Satan’s greatest work, because she asked him to leak naked pictures of Shanelle onto the internet. I guess Chrystal wanted to shame Shanelle by showing her nipples to everyone. Jonathan said this to Radar:
“Chrystal Workman, the mother of Ariel Winter, wanted me to represent her and leak nude photos in the media of her other daughter Shanelle Workman. In all my years of being a publicist, I have never seen anyone stoop as low as wanting to sell out and destroy the reputation of her own daughter. Chrystal said she wanted the public to see Shanelle for who she really was and smear her daughter in attempts to try and get custody back of Ariel.
Chrystal has called me nonstop in the last 48 hours, trying to get me to leak these pictures.”
TMZ says that the pictures are around 8 or 9 years old so Shanelle was either 25 or 26 when she put her titties in front of the camera lens.
Chrystal Workman is an evil mastermind! Everyone knows that if you put your titties in front of a camera when you were 25, you’re SO not fit to take care of a 14-year-old when you’re 34! That makes a whole lot of sense. The judge is going to say to Shanelle, “I’ve seen your 25-year-old titties. Therefore, I’m giving full custody of the human wallet you’re fighting over to Chrystal Workman!“
But seriously, White Oprah and Pimp Mama Kris need to get on the floor at worship at the hooves of Chrystal Workman. Chrystal Workman is showing them all how it’s done. Try to shame your one daughter to get your paws on the daughter who is making you money. Bow down, pimps, bow down.
Here’s the video for will.i.am and Brit Brit’s song “Scream & Shout” and this commercial for a million products is better on your ears if you hit the mute button. Brit Brit is arm dancing like she’s never arm danced before! I hope she had at least two 5 minute breaks during the 20 minutes it took to shoot this video, because all that arm dancing looks exhausting. Even though bitch ain’t got no brows (Note: Seriously, they couldn’t cut pieces of her weave off and use ’em for brows?), she hasn’t looked this hot in a long time and that’s mainly because she looks like a drag queen Linda Evans as Barbarella.
And Brit Brit’s messed up BRITish accent tells me that even she would’ve made a better Elizabeth Taylor than Lindsay Lohan.