Christina Aguilera was on Jimmy Kimmel Live! last night, and she dished on everything from her old rivalries in the 90s to Nicki Minaj and Cardi B’s fashion week spat. She got started on how the media liked to hype up her own celebrity rivalries back in the day, and she might actually be the only person who wishes Twitter was a thing back then. She claims that, if Twitter existed then, she could have then shut down rumors that she wanted to pull out Britney Spears’ weave or steal her Beanie Babies or whatever it was people were saying was going on in the 90s. She said that if there had been social media, they could have done a song together. Jimmy claims they could still do that, which got Christina to agree…with a bit of possible shade.
While Bentina might sound like a street drug purchased under a downtown overpass, it also could have been the name of a Ben Affleck and Christina Aguilera pairing when celebrity magazine editors are phoning it in from their summer house and randomly mashing up famous people because they’d rather be focusing on which rosé to drink this afternoon. Well, just know if you ever see a magazine trying to link Christina with another famous person, it’s a huge lie because she doesn’t get a lady boner around celebrity tricks. Xtina says she should be the only famous one in the relationship!
The Billboard Music Awards were last night and if the red carpet is any indication, it lived up to it’s name because most stars looked as bored as can be. With very few exceptions, most of the night’s looks were uninspired and devoid of whimsy. Nick Jonas (above) looks like he just showed up for his shift at Applebees and still needs to go get his flair from his locker and take a quick shot at the bar before getting started. He’ll be with you in a minute, ok?
Christina Aguilera has a new album to promote, so she did an interview with Allie Jones for Billboard. While I just assume any interview with the likes of Christina or Mariah Carey includes them doing vocal runs and trying to hit the whistle register, she talks to Billboard about how she didn’t exactly have the best of times doing The Voice, and we shouldn’t expect to see her spinning around on a chair unless it’s at her lawyer’s office. Continue reading
Xtina is back (I think I’ve typed that at least 4,500 times since this blog began) and she’s got a new album coming out called Liberation. The video for the first single, Accelerate (featuring Ty Dolla $ign, 2 Chainz and produced by the reincarnation of Harriet Tubman), was dropped onto the eyes of the internet today, and she’s extra thirsty in it. But you can’t blame her. You’d be extra thirsty too if the only things you put in your mouth were Crystal Gravy, milk, and the wet farts of Vanity Smurf (read: blue glitter).
The last time we saw Xtina, she had dropped her signature lead-based red lip paint and orange-colored face spackling paste into the dumpster and went SANS FARDS for Paper Magazine. And she’s left the lip paint and face spackling paste in the dumpster. In Accelerate, Xtina’s DuPont brand red lip paint has been replaced with gallons of corn syrup, Vaseline, and blue glitter. The video is very Dead Petz era Miley Cyrus meets a 90s Calvin Klein ad meets Iggy Azalea playing around in Rihanna’s old clothes.
And now that I look at this video again. That’s not Vaseline or corn syrup or Crystal Gravy or lube. It’s the filler from Xtina’s lips leaking out. Girl, get thee to Dr. Nassif, STAT!
That song is too much of a Cardi B reject for me to be into, but I am fully into the video. Dirrty Xtina is my favorite Xtina. Although, she could’ve kept all those close-up shots of her looking like she just tossed the sloppy salad of a blue glitter unicorn. That might bring the tingles for Mariah Carey, but not me.
*Natural-looking, I mean. It is still Christina Aguilera, after all. Paper might have been dead-set on a stripped-down Christina for their latest issue, but I refuse to believe that’s what they got. I’m not a scientist, but I wouldn’t be surprised if years of exposure to industrial-grade cosmetics has caused her skin to develop a codependent relationship with them. Christina might have agreed to no-makeup makeup, but her skin probably screamed, “LIKE HELL! I’ll agree to three layers of foundation instead of six, but that’s as low as I go.”