God bless ya if you’ve been able to keep up with all the fucking Avengers running around here these days. Just looking at the poster for the upcoming Avengers: Endgame movie takes so much concentration. I keep thinking I’m supposed to eventually see a sailboat or some shit. It’s a mess, and it gives me a throbbing, Thanos’ dick-sized migraine. But the poster isn’t nearly as much of a mess as the red carpet for last night’s premiere of Avengers: Endgame: Too Many Spidermen. Not only was every Groot, Korg and Kraglin Obfonteri from the movies there, all the Marvel universe TV characters were there too. It must have been the least exclusive guest list to hit Hollywood since the premiere of Gotti. I mean, they even let Colin Jost in!
If the rumors are true, Captain America might not be alive and kicking after April 26th. So, his portrayer Chris Evans is finally going to have some shield-free time on his hands. Chris often gets poli-sci on Twitter (and slapfights racists) so it makes sense that he’s reportedly launching a political website with help from Congress, according to Mashable. President Evans in 2028? All the best presidents come from Massachusetts. (We don’t count H.W. because his family quickly moved to Connecticut after he was born.)
I have been rocking with Regina King ever since she played Brenda on 227 back in the day. My love for her only intensified when she voiced both Huey and Riley Freeman from my forever favorite series The Boondocks. However, last night she chalked the deuces up to whatever she played in before If Beale Street Could Talk because you can now add Academy Award Winner to her name after snagging the Best Supporting Actress award. And as you already know, King Regina is the master when it comes to acceptance speeches.
The Hollywood Reporter is saying that Scarlett Johansson is going to get a huge ton of cash for working on the standalone Black Widow movie which recently got its director. According to THR, Scarlett’s salary is equal to what the delicious Captain of America, Chris Evans, and what the hunky God of Thunder and Muscle Mass, Chris Hemsworth, were paid for Avengers: Infinity War, Captain America: Civil War and Thor: Ragnarok. Scarlett will be earning a grandios $15 million for playing Black Widow in her own movie.
There comes a time in every superhero franchise actor’s life when it’s time to return the tights to wardrobe and return to civilian clothes, and that time has apparently come for Chris Evans (for those who can’t keep their Chrises straight, he’s the dog one). Chris broke the news today on Twitter:
Officially wrapped on Avengers 4. It was an emotional day to say the least. Playing this role over the last 8 years has been an honor. To everyone in front of the camera, behind the camera, and in the audience, thank you for the memories! Eternally grateful.
— Chris Evans (@ChrisEvans) October 4, 2018
This news isn’t too much of a shock for anyone who follows Chris Evans. Earlier this year, he admitted that he didn’t want to play Captain America forever, saying that it’s better to get off the train before they “push you off.” It was rumored that Avengers 4 would be his last, and it looks like that rumor was correct.
However, there is a chance Chris is just being extra with his post-wrap goodbye tweet, and that he might not be officially done. If Chris is treating his breakup with Captain America anything like he treated his breakup from Jenny Slate, then this might be true. Let’s see, claiming to be over while simultaneously gushing about how much he loved the time they spent together. I guess we’ll have to wait to see if Chris starts saying flirty stuff about Captain America on Twitter. Sadly, that will most likely be less of a hint that they’re back together, and more like a full-on confirmation that Chris Evans has lost his mind.
Today is National Pet Day, a day when everybody posts a picture of their pet. So basically it’s like every day since not a second goes by when a friend doesn’t post a picture of their dog on Facebook with false words like, “Isn’t that the best dog alive?” The answer is always: No, motherfucker, because it’s not a picture of my dog (and yes, if it was a picture of my dog, he’d be making “please save me from that bitch Michael” eyes).
To celebrate National Pet Day, famous people have been posting pictures of their pets. Like Vladimir Putin tweeted a picture of his favorite pet, Donald Trump, (he didn’t do that, I think), and Chris Evans tweeted a video of when he and his adopted dog friend Dodger first laid eyes on each other at the pound. Chris told People that he was shooting a scene for Gifted at the pound, and at first he thought that all the dogs there were actor dogs. But when he found out the dogs actually lived at the pound (and were shamelessly taking jobs away from real actor dogs!), he walked down the kennel aisle and met Dodger, who was about 1 years old at the time.
Dodger stayed sitting for a minute, because he was probably thinking, “If a famous Chris is going to adopt me, I’d rather it be Chris Crocker or Christopher Meloni, but you’ll do, I guess.”
This is the moment we met. He was trying so hard to stay seated even though he desperately wanted to get out. I knew right away that he was coming home with me, so I took this video to always remember our first hello. Rescue dogs are the best dogs!! #NationalPetDay pic.twitter.com/XjWxPWGDPu
— Chris Evans (@ChrisEvans) April 11, 2018
Well, there goes the world’s supply of ovaries. And if Chris Evans wants to post another video that’ll make hos swoon themselves inside/out, he’d post a video of him taking a razor to that dreadful pedostache.