During an interview with Vulture, Jenny Slate got into her thing with Chris Evans. Jenny and Chris went “official” as a couple last June, and were together for almost a year. Their relationship allegedly croaked because they were both just too busy to be a couple. Either Jenny is really trying to sell the whole “There was no drama!” angle or Chris’ PR person tearfully begged her to say a lot of nice things about him if anyone asks.
This is news that will either make you reach for several grains of the salt of your choice or scream with delight that two of the Avengers might be doing it. According to Star (via Hollywood Life), Scarlett Johansson and Chris Evans are fixing to get together.
We’re finally ending our never-ending Oscar coverage today and the best way to end it is with some man pieces who were probably suffocating in their nut-hugging pants and wanted to take it all off halfway through the show. They should’ve. It would’ve made that mess a hundred million times better and awakened all my senses.
My best dressed chick of the Oscars is definitely Charlize Theron, because with that ponytail, casual diamond earrings and daytime gold la-may gown, she was done up like Alexis Carrington making a quick trip to the supermarket. It was very daytime casual Dynasty. And my best dressed dude is definitely Ryan Gosling, who looks like he reeks of Jovan Musk oil and is about to pick you up in his dad’s gold two-tone Lincoln Continental Mark V to take you to the senior prom where he’s going to feel you up while slow dancing to The Closer I Get To You. And he’s definitely the one who spiked the punch.
Ryan wore Gucci (duh) and I couldn’t tell if those were actual ruffles or trompe l’oeil ruffles (Side note: I don’t do drag, but if I ever did, I’ve got dibs on the name Tramp Louie Ruffles.) And then there’s the smooth rat Pharrell, who dressed like a maître d at an underground restaurant that only serves virgin blood and is owned by Kunty Karl. There’s a reason why Pharrell looks like that. He’s wearing Chanel.
And here’s a million more pictures of the dudes from the Oscars. Come for Mahershala Ali and come again for hot piece of wood Jamie Dornan.
Every day, I read a story that makes me think that we’re all trapped in one really long acid trip, and one day we’ll wake up in the desert and realize that we just dropped the wrong shit at Burning Man. That’s all. J. Harvey covered one of those stories this past weekend.
This surreal fight started when Chris Evans tweeted about the confirmation of Jeff Sessions as Attorney General and said that if racist demon anus David Duke agrees with that choice, then something is really really wrong. Captain America’s tweet awoke the dehydrated tape worm and he spit back by calling Chris Evans a “dumb actor” and other shit. I thought that was the end of another WTF fight for the WTF feuds history books. But then Reverend Henry Kane’s more evil older half-brother kept on going.
Everybody is angry as fuck lately! It’s a tumultuous time in our country, and every day seems to bring some news story, occurrence, or incident that inspires a “WTF?” from (half of?) the United States populace. Everyone has got an opinion, and they will share it on social media! (I’m afraid to launch an investigation into how many followers and friends are quietly hiding my rage baby posts.)
Social media is also the place where you can brawl with the asshole of your choice! Captain America himself, chesty actor Chris Evans, flung his virtual shield at former Imperial Wizard of the KKK (and former Louisiana state rep– which is chilling…) David Duke, on Twitter.
That picture of Chris Evans and Jenny Slate is from months ago, but I’m using it to back up my theory that air travel probably killed their relationship. How could it not? The airport is a mouse trap designed by Satan to test how fast humans will crack under the pressure of spotty WiFi and $16 turkey sandwiches.
But the reason that’s being given for why Captain America and Mona Lisa Saperstein called it quits after almost a year of dating is the old celebrity standard excuse of being too busy. A source tells UsWeekly that their schedules kept making it impossible for them to do couple things. The source adds that it happened within the past two or three weeks. A different source tells E! News that the breakup wasn’t “dramatic.” Chris was most recently seen sans-Jenny at the Super Bowl on Sunday.
Jenny met Chris while working on the upcoming film Gifted together while she was still married to her husband of four years, Dean Fleischer-Camp. About a week before Jenny and Chris came out as a couple on Anna Faris’ podcast, it was announced that Jenny and Dean were getting a divorce. So there’s a chance someone, somewhere might be cackling with glee at this news.
Chris and Jenny officially went public with their relationship in June at the New York premiere of The Secret Life of Pets, and the same night she gushed to Entertainment Tonight that Chris is her “dream 7th grade boyfriend.” She might be regretting that now. Or maybe when she was in 7th grade, her dream was a year-long relationship with a hot nice bro that ended without drama. I’m sure every 7th grader who has ever gotten dumped after a week in the cafeteria on pizza day would agree with that.