Last week, Karrueche Tran was granted a 5-year restraining order against Chris Brown, and in addition to keeping his abusive ass away from her for five years, it was also reported that he had to attend domestic violence prevention classes. During the hearing, Karrueche said that Chris had beat her in the past, so TMZ says the court ordered him to attend a 52-week program.
As it turns out, there was a clerical error and he doesn’t have to go those classes after all. The courts filed a document on Monday with an amendment to Karrueche’s restraining order explaining that the issue was not raised at the hearing, and the court doesn’t require him to participate in a “batterer intervention program.”
Whoever discovered that mistake must have had a real tough decision on their hands. That’s the kind of internal conflict that brings out the shoulder angel and devil and I bet even they couldn’t offer any help. The angel probably said, “Normally I’d tell you to be honest, but let’s face it, that dude should be forced to take a whole year of violence classes.” And the devil said, “This would usually be where I’d disagree with the angel, but I think we’re on the same page. If I had to encourage you to do something wrong, maybe scratch out 52 and change it to 104.”
Much to Chris Brown’s chagrin, he legally can’t act like a raging pile of shit to his ex-girlfriend Karrueche Tran anymore. Sure he’ll still try many times, but at least Karrueche has the law firmly on her side for the next half-decade.
And no, I don’t mean at one of the 53,000 restaurants he’s probably been banned from for acting like Chris Brown (translation – acting like a messy douche). Chris was finally served with the restraining order that his on-again-off-again-currently-way-off-again girlfriend Coochie Train (translation – Karrueche Tran) filed against him. If Chris is good at anything besides beating up women and being a dangerous and violent asshole, it’s avoiding process servers. But one particularly industrious one caught up with him in Houston, TX. And on his birthday, no less.
I’ll give you one hint: he wasn’t using them to knead dough for fresh cinnamon rolls. TMZ says that Chris Brown has been accused of assaulting a photographer at a Florida club early this morning. Chris Brown is the only man who could make a fight in Florida seem extra messy.
Chris Brown admitted recently that if you date him and break up with him, it won’t take long before you feel like Rockwell in the Somebody’s Watching Me video. Chris Brown will stalk you. Nothing will stop Chris from his relentless pursuit to be the worst ex-boyfriend in the world. Not even legal documents telling him to stay away. The New York Daily News says that Chris Brown refuses to accept the restraining order that was granted to his ex Karrueche Tran last month.
Unless I write a post titled, “Lindsay Lohan Said Something Fucking Stupid,” then that will be the most unsurprising headline I’ve written all week.
Billboard published a 10 million word expose on Chris Brown titled, “Chris Brown’s Downward Spiral: Insiders Open Up About His Struggles With Addiction and Anger,” and the only right way to read it is to read it while shaking your head and saying, “Yup, that sounds about right.”