Category: Chris Brown

The Difficult Brown Did This To His Head

August 25, 2015 / Posted by:

Chris Brown continued to make wonderful decisions by getting a gigantic tattoo on his head. Well, at least he’s abusing his own head instead of someone else’s. So there’s that. Chris threw up evidence of his new work of art on Instagram, but quickly snatched it down. But by the time he yanked it down, it had already been saved and passed around.

Complex says Chris’ head tattoo is supposed to be Venus de Milo and it sort of looks like Venus de Milo as seen through the eyes of that amazing court room artiste who captured Tom Brady as his true self. That tattoo looks more like a nauseous Lena Dunham with a plastic bag covering her hair. But seriously, after looking at it up close, I love it!


Just like Justin Bieber’s Sassy Jesus tattoo, Chris’ Venus de Side-Eye tattoo is judging him for all of his bad decisions so we don’t have to. It’s the greatest thing he’s ever done!

Pic: @RnBassMusic


A Scary Home Invasion Happened At Chris Brown’s House This Morning

July 15, 2015 / Posted by:

I’ll warn you now – there’s a 50/50 chance the words “Poor Chris Brown” will leave your lips after reading this story. TMZ says that around 2:00 this morning, a home invasion and robbery happened at Chris Brown’s new house in the San Fernando Valley. Three armed men forced their way, found his aunt – who I guess lives with him? – and forced her at gunpoint into a closet. They proceeded to grab as much of Chris’ shit as possible, including cash and “other property“, and fled. Chris’s aunt was able to call 911, but the home invaders were gone by the time police arrived.

Chris Brown wasn’t at his house when the home invasion happened. The robbers hit Chris’ house at the exact same time he left a pre-ESPYs party at a club in West Hollywood. This isn’t the first time Chris Brown has come home from partying and discovered that his home had been destroyed. Back in May, Chris returned from a weekend in Las Vegas and found a fan living in his house.

So far, nobody knows who invaded Chris Brown’s house, but TMZ says his mother Mom Breezy thinks it was an inside job done by some of Chris Brown’s “no good-ass friends.” Don’t worry, Justin Bieber – we already know you’ve got an airtight alibi (ie. 2:00 a.m. is at least 6 hours past your bedtime).

I guess this is what can happen if you advertise how your new house is filled with expensive shoes and cars on Instagram and leave said house at the same time every night for the clubs. It’s Chris Brown’s aunt I feel bad for, for two reasons. One, because being woken up at 2:00 in the morning and forced into a closet at gunpoint is terrifying. Two, because she’s related to Chris Brown.

Here’s Chris Brown strolling out of a club at around the same time his house was getting robbed.

Pics: Splash

Opposite Of Shocking: Chris Brown And His Baby Mama Are Fighting Over Child Support

July 2, 2015 / Posted by:

According to TMZ, rich Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robot and “good person” (says Rita Ora and only Rita Ora) Chris Brown and his baby mama of four months Nia Guzman are having problems with money. As it turns out, Nia is a Get Money Mommy who wants a fuckload of his cash and Chris is a Deadbeat Daddy who doesn’t want to give it to her. I know, I’m shocked too.

Back when Chris first found out he and Nia made a surprise baby she named Royalty, he gave her a whole lot of cash in an attempt to prevent her from seeking a child support agreement in court. Eventually he got paranoid that Nia was selling stories about him to the press, so he considered cutting her off and sending his lawyers after her. Now it looks like he’s finally made up his mind and is definitely taking this mess to court. Chris Brown filed legal documents in Houston (where Nia and Royalty currently live) to establish paternity so he can fight Nia and her crazy thirst for child support cash. Nia claims she needs $15,000 a month in child support for their 1-year-old daughter. But Chris thinks the number should be closer to $2,500 and that’s what he’s been paying. “$2,500 a month? That’s cute,” thought the custom Lamborghini Chris is leaning his ass against in the picture above.

Chris also wants a judge to define some kind of a clear custody agreement. Chris claims that Nia has been preventing him from seeing Royalty. Yeah, I’m sure any judge would agree with Nia on that one. I would not be surprised if the judge asked Baby Royalty who she wanted to live with and said, “I agree. That would be the best option for you,” after she pointed to the stapler on his desk.

In the event you want to see what a father who still acts and dresses like a child looks like, here’s Chris Brown coming out of a club a couple nights ago.

Pic: Instagram,

Rita Ora On Chris Brown: “He’s A Good Person”

June 24, 2015 / Posted by:

Just like that, every neurologist from here to Saturn just booked Rita Ora a comprehensive series of tests and CAT scans to determine how Rita Ora is operating without a working brain.

If you’re the type of person who thinks “Who?” every time they see the name Rita Ora, here’s another way to remember who Rita Ora is. The Gobot to Rihanna’s Transformer is friends with Chris Brown. That’s not typically something you’d ever want to be, let alone something you admit to people, but Rita Ora did just that during a recent interview with The Sun (via UsWeekly). Rita Ora is currently working on a song with Chris Brown, and she had some really nice things to say about him. Please note that none of this was said with a sarcastic tone in her voice:

“Chris Brown is strong, powerful, and someone that is important to me personally and professionally. The discrimination and all what people think? If you have a great song then no one cares. I love him on different levels. I see how he treats his people and he’s a good person with a good heart and a lovely family. It’s really nice that we finally got together because, regardless of what’s happened, the song is just amazing.”

Well, technically she’s not wrong. Chris Brown is strong (see: pushing his way into his ex-girlfriend’s car even when she didn’t want him there, etc, etc..), powerful (see: the amount of times I’ve gotten a pounding headache from reading the barely-coherent comments he leaves on Instagram, etc, etc..), and is someone who is very important to Rita Ora professionally (see: Rita Ora’s career as someone who pops up on songs as “featuring Rita Ora“). The only thing she’s not right about is the good heart part. If you slid Chris Brown into an X-ray, all you’d see is a coagulated clump of hair dye and rage where his heart used to be.

Here’s Team Breezy’s newest member trying to “hide” from the paps at Heathrow airport today. Somebody better alert Johnny Depp that Rita Ora has stolen his hat.

Pics: Splash,

These Two Are At It Again

June 15, 2015 / Posted by:

Because OF COURSE they are! I’m going to be 92 years old and still reading shit like “Guess who got into a messy screaming match during a shuffleboard game last night?” So, remember that time a few weeks ago when Chris Brown followed his ex-girlfriend Karrueche Tran to a club, crawled into her car, and showed up to her house at 3:30am screaming? Well, they’re still not done fighting about that.

According to E!, it all started right after Chris Brown heard about a recent interview Karrueche did with Access Hollywood, in which she discussed the status of their relationship. Chris responded to it the only way he knows how: by dragging her on Instagram.

Chris Brown Got Into A Dramatic Screaming Fight With Karrueche Tran Early This Morning

June 5, 2015 / Posted by:

According to TMZ, Chris Brown spent most of last night proving he’s still as awful as ever by getting into a loud screaming match with his ex-girlfriend Karrueche Tran outside her house at 3am. Yeah, someone should inform Chris Brown that that’s not typically how you win someone back.

The tragic tale of unrequited douche love began last night when Chris Brown decided to show up to a club he knew Karreuche would be at in his new Lamborghini. He then got a VIP table next to hers, something she wasn’t having, so she decided to leave. That’s when Chris Brown decided to follow her and her friends outside and get into their car, abandoning his Lamborghini. “Uh…he only pulls that shit with cars, right?” thought the mother of Chris Brown’s baby. You can see Chris sort of push his way in and hear someone tell him to “Get out of the car” around the 0:54 mark below.

Sadly, he didn’t get very far; “sources” say Karrueche was pissed off at him and dumped his ass at a friend’s house on the way home. Then around 3:30am, Karrueche had a Say Anything moment when she heard some noise outside her house and saw Chris Brown standing there. Except instead of holding a boombox playing “In Your Eyes“, he was screaming like a raged-up maniac and slamming his fists against her door.

Karrueche wouldn’t let Chris Brown inside, and eventually the police showed up. But they didn’t charge Chris Brown with anything, because he hadn’t really committed a crime. Once they left, Karrueche agreed to meet Chris at a diner so they could talk. Naturally, the screaming kept on going at the diner, so Karrueche left and went home.

There’s so much of this story that is a damn MESS, but the messiest part to me is what happened in the diner. Chris did that diner dirty. A 24-hour diner is a place for stuffing as many eggs and toasts and syrup-soaked pancakes into your mouth as possible in an attempt to prevent the next-level hangover you’re going to get the next day, not for screaming at your ex. RUDE!

Here’s Chris following Karrueche out of the club last night. I will say this: I am feeling Karrueche’s Guns N’ Roses out-of-town groupie couture.

Pics: Splash,

Chrissy Teigen’s Dress Was Out For Blood Last Night

May 18, 2015 / Posted by:

For those of you who are reaching for your glasses and wondering who hired Robert Gimlin and the ghost of Roger Patterson to operate the cameras for the Billboard Music Awards, don’t worry – it’s not you. The above image is blurry because current film technology isn’t advanced enough to catch the ninja-like speed of Chrissy Teigen’s dress as it attempted to take out the poor woman walking behind her. Forget Taylor Swift and her gangly gang of suburban road warriors; Chrissy’s dress was the real deadly assassin at the BBMAs.

As Chrissy was walking to the stage with her co-host Ludacris, some woman tried to cut across behind her, but I guess she caught the back of Chrissy’s dress and instead of her ass landing in her seat, it landed on the floor. Unfortunately, Chrissy didn’t have time to be the wind beneath that lady’s wings and lift her ass off the ground, so she kept walking. Does anyone have an extra sweater? It just got COLD!

But Chrissy Teigen would like you to know she’s not a icy-hearted ho who enjoys watching clumsy tricks struggle all over the floor. According to Chrissy, Chrissy didn’t know there was a Code BOOM happening behind her.

Chris Brown Caught One Of His Fans Trying To Live In His House

May 7, 2015 / Posted by:

Prepare your “She don’t love herself” GIFs; this story will require all of them. According to TMZ, when Chris Brown returned from his punch-throwing asshole’s retreat in Las Vegas this weekend, he discovered that a woman had been living in his house while he was gone. The only problem was, he wasn’t expecting any house guests.

Chris first realized something was weird when he arrived home last night around 9pm and found women’s clothing in the foyer. Chris was there with some of his friends, so they started looking around the house and they found someone had spray painted the words “I LOVE YOU” on his kitchen counter and “MRS. BROWN” on two of his cars. Eventually they made their way up to Chris’ bedroom, and that’s where he found a 21-year-old woman naked in his bed. Chris called the police, and they arrested the woman for felony burglary and felony vandalism.


Chris Brown Is Off The Hook For Allegedly Punching A Dude In Las Vegas

May 5, 2015 / Posted by:

Seen above looking like one of those 80s neon velcro mitts from HELL, Chris Brown allegedly celebrated being a little over 1 month off probation by Chris Browning a guy in the face during a pickup game of basketball at his suite at the Palms in Las Vegas just before 4 in the morning on Monday. Of course, Fist Brown’s rep denied that he pulled a Fist Brown. The cops threatened to pass the case to the D.A. if he didn’t sign a citation for misdemeanor battery. But now there’s no case to pass, because it’s closed.

TMZ says that the dude who accused Chris Brown of punching him called the LVMPD and told the cops that he doesn’t want to press charges anymore. Chris Brown isn’t walking away with millions of dollars like that other lady beater did for punching another dude in Vegas. But he won’t face charges.

TMZ says the dude who allegedly got punched by Chris didn’t say why he doesn’t want to press charges. Hmmm…. I do wonder why that dude suddenly didn’t want to slap Chris Brown with charges. Could it have something to do with:


Wait, I don’t post nearly enough $ signs there:


There, now you get what I’m trying to say.

Fist Brown Might Have Struck Again For The 5,671st Time

May 4, 2015 / Posted by:

Remember when I said that being a father to a human child could make Chris Brown retire his punching fist and convince him to stop being an itchy, oozing wart inside of humanity’s urethra? Well,  I may have wasted precious keystrokes on that sentence, because Fist Brown is apparently terrorizing the world again.

TMZ says that at around 3:42 this morning, the Difficult Brown was playing a pick-up game of basketball at his suite in the Palms Casino Resort in Las Vegas. (I know that there’s a basketball court in one of the suites at the Palms, because humanized wax lion figurine Adrienne Maloof, who is part owner, took the other Housewives there during an episode of The Real Housemesses of Beverly Hills.) At some point during the game, Chris got into a fight of words with one of the other guys, and I guess he was jealous of Mayweather and Pacquiao getting to have all the punching fun this weekend, because he allegedly fisted the other dude in the face. The guy who Chris allegedly punched hasn’t been named, but does anyone know if the shirtless basketball hoop dude from Seattle somehow made his way to Las Vegas?

The cops showed up, but Chris refused to talk to them. The Las Vegas PD tells TMZ that Fist Brown can either sign a citation for misdemeanor battery and show his face at a hearing in court or he can wait until the D.A.’s office decides to press charges against him or not. The good news for Chris is that this isn’t a violation of his probation, because he’s not on probation anymore.

Chris Brown’s rep has already spit aat this story. His rep tells Gossip Cop that Chris never hit anyone.

“[Chris Brown] has a suite at the hotel that has a basketball court and invited friends to come play. An unruly individual showed up uninvited and was removed from the premises. Chris was not in an altercation with this person.”

I think what his rep wanted to say is, “This story is obviously a huge, shitty lie. I mean, the trick accusing Chris Brown of punching him is a guy. Would Chris Brown really hit a guy? Think about it!

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