Chris Brown and Soulja Boy are apparently still going through with that boxing match. Soulja Boy, who claims the fight is happening in March in either Las Vegas or Los Angeles and not Dubai, hired Floyd Mayweather Jr. to train him. Chris Brown has proven repeatedly that he’s proficient at punching and doesn’t technically need a trainer, but he got one anyway. Chris Brown has hired Mike Tyson as his coach. “Why did I just get the chills?” thought every operator of a domestic violence hotline. One of Mike’s first duties as Chris Brown’s team was to release a diss track aimed at Soulja Boy called If You Show Up.
This should be good news for anyone who has wanted to get rid of a bunch of cash in a dumb way but can’t find a pack of matches or a paper shredder. You will soon have the chance to pay to watch Chris Brown and Soulja Boy work out their anger by wailing on each other.
One of the very few sureties in life is that Chris Brown is a giant, entitled asshole who will do giant, entitled asshole things because that’s what giant, entitled assholes do. It’s almost comforting, in a way. When nothing makes sense and our planet seems ready to spin off its axis and plunge into a vast, universal darkness, we can always rely on Chris Brown’s giant, entitled asshole personality and behavior. TMZ says that he got banned from an NYC gym for being courteous, thoughtful, and respectful. No, I kid. He was being a giant, entitled asshole. Again.
So much for that emotional apology. 24 hours ago, Soulja Boy claimed that he was going to be the one to end the stupid drama he started earlier this week after he liked a photo posted by Chris Brown’s ex Karrueche Tran on Instagram. Soulja Boy said he wanted to stop acting like a dumbass because his mama, who is in the hospital, wasn’t proud of his recent behavior. Soulja Boy’s mama might want to take an extended lap in the therapy pool this afternoon, because her son is acting like an idiot again. Soulja Boy still wants to fight Chris Brown.
The stupid fight between Chris Brown and Soulja Boy might be over, and it looks like it probably isn’t going to end with them throwing sad punches at each other like two teens who tried whiskey for the first time. Someone familiar with Chris Brown must have reminded Soulja Boy that stirring up shit with Chris is like trying to sweep up a puddle of gasoline with a broom made of matches, because he has publicly backed down.
Chris Brown has been lying relatively low lately. Chris reminded us that he’s still the worst back in September, which is like two decades in Chris Brown Shitty Behavior years. He was denying that CPS was watching his parenting skills. Chris Brown clearly wanted to make up for lost time, because he’s back and he’s brought threats of assault on rapper Soulja Boy with him. So much for “new year, new you.”