And no, I don’t mean at one of the 53,000 restaurants he’s probably been banned from for acting like Chris Brown (translation – acting like a messy douche). Chris was finally served with the restraining order that his on-again-off-again-currently-way-off-again girlfriend Coochie Train (translation – Karrueche Tran) filed against him. If Chris is good at anything besides beating up women and being a dangerous and violent asshole, it’s avoiding process servers. But one particularly industrious one caught up with him in Houston, TX. And on his birthday, no less.
I’ll give you one hint: he wasn’t using them to knead dough for fresh cinnamon rolls. TMZ says that Chris Brown has been accused of assaulting a photographer at a Florida club early this morning. Chris Brown is the only man who could make a fight in Florida seem extra messy.
Chris Brown admitted recently that if you date him and break up with him, it won’t take long before you feel like Rockwell in the Somebody’s Watching Me video. Chris Brown will stalk you. Nothing will stop Chris from his relentless pursuit to be the worst ex-boyfriend in the world. Not even legal documents telling him to stay away. The New York Daily News says that Chris Brown refuses to accept the restraining order that was granted to his ex Karrueche Tran last month.
Unless I write a post titled, “Lindsay Lohan Said Something Fucking Stupid,” then that will be the most unsurprising headline I’ve written all week.
Billboard published a 10 million word expose on Chris Brown titled, “Chris Brown’s Downward Spiral: Insiders Open Up About His Struggles With Addiction and Anger,” and the only right way to read it is to read it while shaking your head and saying, “Yup, that sounds about right.”
Chris Brown recently let people know he’s an obsessive type of boyfriend who will stalk and harass the women he dates. He also made it clear that once you get with Chris Brown, he will never leave you alone. So none of the following should come as a surprise. TMZ says that Karrueche Tran, who hasn’t been with Chris Brown for almost two years, was granted a restraining order after he allegedly threatened to kill her. For those keeping score at home, this would be the second time a woman has gotten a restraining order against Chris Brown for that reason.
Chris Brown was supposed to fight Soulja Boy, one of his many, many enemies, in a messy pay-per-view boxing match. It was all pretty much set-up and ready to go. Soulja Boy was getting training from Floyd Mayweather Jr., Chris Brown was getting training from Mike Tyson, and they were finalizing a location. But Chris Brown has now pulled out. At least that’s what Soulja Boy says.