Last month, Anna Faris and Chris Pratt showed the people that under those Botox-infused sweetheart faces and chipper smiles are two pet-abandoning monsters of evil!!!! Pete sees it, because if that isn’t a look that says, “Fake ass bitch, I know your kind…”
Back in 2011, Chris Pratt was called out after he gave his cat away on Twitter, because apparently the pussy was old and was caca’ing all over the place. Anna was trying to get pregnant at the time so they were afraid of toxoplasmosis. Then last month, the owner of the Kinder4Rescue animal shelter in North Hollywood, CA shit on Anna Faris for giving away the chihuahua she adopted from them. Anna adopted Pete the Chihuahua from the shelter 5 years ago, and eventually gave him to a new home. Pete was found on the streets last month looking as crappy as Passengers‘ reviews. Pete was apparently emaciated. He was taken a vet who checked his microchip, which showed that he’s registered to both Anna Faris and Kinder4Rescue. At the time that Pete was found looking down and out, Anna and Chris were out of town, but they were working on sending someone to pick the dog up from the shelter. That didn’t happen.
Jennifer Lawrence is out there pimping another movie, so you know what that means? It’s time for another round of Jennifer Lawrence ass burping up quirky tales of her puking and pissing antics. JLaw telling piss stories while promoting Passengers is actually pretty fitting, because according to early reviews, that shit should be flushed and forgotten.
Fresh off from telling the offensive story about how her ass destroyed sacred rocks in Hawaii, JLaw was on The Late Late Show with James Corden on Tuesday night, and while sitting next to alleged Uber driver slapper T.J. Miller, she told an OMGSORELATABLEOMG that’s only relatable to dogs, Bear Grylls and uncouth babies. JLaw’s friends should maybe get her a Fisher-Price Fun To Learn Potty for Christmas, because it seems like she’s pissing everywhere except a toilet (see: Jennifer Lawrence Pisses In Sinks and this post).
Anna Faris adopted a Chihuahua named Pete four years ago, and for some reason, she decided she didn’t want the pooch anymore so she found him a new home. Pete either ran away from his new humans or his new humans dumped him on the street, because he was found on Friday in a bad way. TMZ says that Pete was found wandering the streets and was all emaciated. Pete was taken to the vet and when his microchip was ran, Anna’s name and the name of the shelter she adopted him from popped up. The shelter, Kinder4Rescue, is pissed at Anna and slapped her ass with a fine for breach of contract. When Anna adopted Pete, she agreed to pay the $5,000 fine if she ever re-homed him. Most shelters want you to give the dog back to them if it doesn’t work out. This is giving me shades of Ellen DeGeneres’ dog adoption drama…
“Did you just fart in your space suit? So did I! God, we’re so relatable.” I don’t know if that’s an actual line of dialogue in Passengers, but I’m assuming so. How can it not be? It would be illegal to put both Chris Pratt and Jennifer Lawrence in a movie about space and not have them yuk-it-up over farts, anti-gravity space poops, and freeze-dried pizza burps.
That picture of Jenny Slate with Chris Evans was taken when they were both on Anna Faris’ podcast, and their glazed-over shiny eyes could be from the camera flash, but I’m going to choose to believe it’s from spending all day and all night humping their fuck parts off. As for why Anna Faris and Chris Pratt’s eyes are like that too, they have a 3 year old, so I’m guessing they were smoking crack all day to deal with a hyperactive screaming child.
The huge stars came out last night for the taping of the MTV Movie Awards. Well, a few did. Okay, like one or two. We still got some big names and a few people with actual talent. While not one of said talented people, the standout of the night was clearly Gigi Hadid. She worked that child prostitute blow-up doll glamour harder than she ever has! She and her team were like, “Brigitte Bardot with a rattle! That’ll get the cameras flashing!”