Just one year and one month after announcing his marriage to Anna Faris was as much a thing of the past as his lumpy Andy Dwyer body, Chris Pratt might be ready to get married again. And his next wife might be Katherine Schwarzenegger. Papa Arnold, better get your biceps sized for a tuxedo now; you don’t want to bust a seam while offering your arm to your little girl right before you walk down the aisle.
According to Collider, a movie version of the graphic novel Cowboy Ninja Viking, which sounds like the name of some fuck-boy’s World of Warcraft character and was supposed to star Chris Pratt, was pulled from Universal’s release calendar and sent back to development hell, just a mere month before production was scheduled to begin.
Looks like it’s full steam ahead for The Prattenegger. Chris Pratt and Katherine Schwarzenegger have gotten super serious. You ever go to a BBQ and they have some pale ass potato salad that is literally just potatoes, mayonnaise and not enough salt? Like no mustard, no celery to break up the texture, no paprika for color, and definitely no dash of Crystal hot sauce? That’s The Prattenegger family recipe. And yes, from the looks of things, the spoon handle in the potato salad is pointed directly towards “family“. Entertainment Tonight reports that the couple have “gotten serious, quickly”. Which makes sense – Jesus is not going to have Chris out here sowing his seeds willy-nilly. I’m sure Chris is saving his seeds for marriage. He’s already introduced Katherine to his son Jack over after-church vanilla ice cream (natch) . And it sounds like the family intros didn’t stop there.
The moment I’m sure everyone (or at least Chris Pratt’s publicist) has been waiting for has arrived. TMZ points out that Chris Pratt confirmed yesterday that he’s getting with Arnold’s daughter, by kissing Katherine Schwarzenegger in front of the paps after church. Publicity and Jesus? I believe that’s very on-brand for Chris.
Chris and Katherine have been rumored to be dating for a little over a month now, but the most we’ve seen of them has been kind of limited to cheesy G-rated picnics in the park. They’re still bring the G-rated heat, but this time lip contact is involved, and so is his kid. Chris and Katherine were photographed kissing while getting ice cream with his 5-year-old son Jack.
Chris Pratt & Katherine Schwarzenegger Kiss After Church with Son Jack Nearby https://t.co/rkpWf9ByQ7
— TMZ (@TMZ) July 30, 2018
TMZ says that 39-year-old Chris and 28-year-old Katherine kissed twice. Personally, I wish TMZ had provided us with actual journalism, like what kind of ice cream did they get. When I was a kid, I knew one family who restricted any Sunday activity that didn’t relate to church. So they’d make pizza, but it had to be in the shape of a cross and whatnot. So basically, what I want to know is: did Chris get Blood of Christ Cranberry Swirl with crunchy body wafer topping, or just sacrilegious ol’ chocolate. These are the important questions.
Over the weekend, people outside of the Guardians of the Galaxy fandom became uncomfortably familiar with the name James Gunn (a name I personally have confused with Jame Gumb, which is an entirely different type of uncomfortable all together). James Gunn was fired by Walt Disney Studios from the upcoming Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 after a conservative website went through his Twitter and dug up some decade-old jokes about rape and pedophilia.
Sometimes when a higher up is fired for some unsavory behavior, their former co-workers might pull an “I don’t know them.” But it’s usually circumstantial. And under these circumstances, several Guardians of the Galaxy stars have loudly come to his defense.
It seems there’s no stopping the Pratternegger! According to Us Weekly, the budding relationship between Chris Pratt and Katherine Schwarzenegger continues to bloom. Actually, Us says it’s “heating up” but these two seem about as hot and heavy for each other as the leg of cold picnic chicken served on a bed of leftover mashed potatoes straight from the fridge.
Us says that Katherine’s mom Maria Shriver is the one who set them up. She felt their mutual Godly activities meant they’d be a good match. According to Us, “Her mom set them up because they’re both active in the church”. What is Chris setting up folding chairs on Sunday mornings over at The Little Church Down The Lane on his weekends off? It’s all a little tidy for my taste, but if that’s the fantasy they’re going with, I’ll play along.