You Kan Always Kount On Kim Kardashian To Bring Plenty Of Klass And Sophistikation To An Event

Looks like we can add another ensemble to Tim Gunn’s “Don’t Wear This” list of vulgar fashion atrocities.

The fifth annual LACMA Art+Film gala was held last night, and Kim Kardashian was there, which makes total sense, because Kim got her start in film. No, it’s because she’s a high klass lady who goes to high klass film galas. Also because Kris Jenner would go absolutely apeshit if she found out her top money maker passed up an opportunity to get dressed up in her “LOOK AT ME” finest and serve up some half-asleep FACE for the cameras.

We all know that Kim Kardashian has a severe allergy to good taste, so it’s really no surprise that she would show up to the LACMA gala in a cheap-looking Leg Avenue body stocking with her tits out. I mean, she had to do something to get some attention; she went a whole 24 hours without all eyes on her, thanks to her mother selfishly stealing the spotlight with her million-dollar  Great Mediocre Gatsby birthday party yesterday. So really, it’s more of a shock that she didn’t double-down and try to make up for lost attention by showing up totally nude while her intern (Kylie Jenner) followed closely behind, spritzing her plastic parts with Crisco.

Here’s more of Kim looking like a Living Dead Doll of a knocked-up zombie stripper at the LACMA Art+Film gala last night, as well all the other famous types who were there, like Reese Witherspoon, Goopy Paltrow, and Jared Leto, who is still working the malnourished methhead Joker look, I see.

Pics: Splash, Wenn.com

Behold, The Olsen Twins Surveying Their Kingdom

I can only imagine the disappointed thoughts Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen are telepathically communicating to each other as they watch people walk the Met Gala red carpet. If had to guess, it was probably something along these lines:

“So much nude illusion fabric. And the sequins – so many sequins. I think I’m going to be sick.”

“I too am feeling ill, sister. Fetch me a fainting squirrel, I shall need to lie down.”

The Met Gala really isn’t the Met Gala until fashion’s creepiest pocket goths make an appearance. I was excited to see if they would wear something in keeping with the theme, but of course they didn’t. DUH! Mary Kate and Ashley showed up in the same floor-length body-swallowing black sadness sacks they always wear. I’m sure there’s a high-fashion word for whatever they’re wearing, but I’m scared I can’t afford to even look it up online. Whatever they’re wearing, I’m sure it’s very expensive and was made from the finest of endangered spider hairs and antique mourning lace.

Or maybe they’re dressed all in black as a not-so-subtle “You are DEAD to us” message to John Stamos.

And here’s what feels like everyone else from last night, but is really just 1/98th of the people there. Fucking everyone went to that Met Gala. I bet the rats behind Guy Fieri’s restaurant got dressed up in little rat-sized tuxedos and went too. Anyway, most were pretty boring, but some people brought it. AnnE Hathaway looked like a shimmery tapeworm, Dakota Johnson looked like the backsplash tile model from a home improvement show, and Anna Wintour looked like a street corner sign waver mascot for an opium den (don’t worry, I barely know what that means either).

Pics: Splash/INF, Wenn.com

Chloe Sevigny Is Totally Annoyed By “Crass” Jennifer Lawrence

It’s gotten to the point where when I look at a picture of Chloe Sevigny, I don’t know if I’m looking at a picture of the actual Chloe Sevigny or a picture of Drew Droege as Chloe Sevigny. Or a little of both. Every Chloe Sevigny picture is a riddle with no answer.

All of us trashy whores better close our always opened legs, sit up real proper-like and if we have to fart, we better fart into a freshly cleaned white handkerchief, because we are in the presence of a genteel lady who is the sheer definition of class. Umlaut Chloe talked to V Magazine about stuff while promoting her new coffee table book for Rizzoli which was inspired by a Japanese paparazzi book featuring pictures of her. I’ll wait right here since I’m sure you have to evacuate your building after the carbon monoxide detector went off from being hit with the hot pretentiousness wafting off of that last sentence.

While talking about how nowadays personality is more important than acting skills, Chloe said that she doesn’t think she that thing that makes you a big movie star. Chloe thinks St. Angie Jolie has it, but thinks the frat boy trapped in a woman’s body that is Jennifer Lawrence is just trashy and annoying.

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QOTD: It’s Hard Out There For Chloe Sevigny

When Chloe Sevigny screams, “Who the hell do I have to suck off in a Vincent Gallo movie to get Valentino to lend me a dress?“, everyone at Valentino whistles, plays with their thumbs and looks at the ceiling. Valentino is not trying to lend Chloe Sevigny a dress to wear. Whatever issues you’re suffering from today, stop, because Chloe Sevigny has a bigger problem than you.

Before the London premiere of her miniseries Hit & Miss, Chloe asked 20 fashion houses to send her dresses to wear on the red carpet. Only 2 designers sent her a dress. HA. So Chloe whined to Out about how even though she’s a huge fashion icon, she still can’t get a designer dress without pulling her credit card out. No respect!

“Aren’t I one of the top searches on Style.com, for crying out loud? How hard is it to get a fucking dress from Valentino?”

Hey, Valentino, please sew one of your labels on a piece of used toilet paper and send it to Chloe, so she has something to wear and can stop bitching. Actually, she would wear that and it would look a lot better than the shit she normally wears.

And I don’t know if Chloe is the top search on Style.com, but I know for a fact she’s the top search on GetOverYourselfAsshole.org.