Poor Chloe Grace Moretz can’t catch a break. She gets fat-shamed by some twentysomething d-bag on set when she was only 15, and now Aaron Carter is using rerun pick-up moves to get her to go to Olive Garden with him. Chloe was too young for the West Side Story battle of the 90s: Backstreet Boys v. N’Sync. But girlfriend was around for “Aaron’s Party,” and apparently she really wanted to be that honey over there: per the Hollywood Reporter: Continue reading
Poor Chloe Grace Moretz has been through some shit. She dated Brooklyn Beckham, which must have meant mucho time at Victoria Beckham and that soccer player’s house running hours upon hours of vocal exercises to keep the Posh Voice Box in check… you know, to make sure she says “mAyjAh” with just the right inflection. You didn’t think I meant singing, did you?! Hahahaha, you’re so nice, dear reader. She also got dragged by Kim Kardashian for basically saying Kim should spend more time teaching girls a viable future is through math classes and not hawking nude selfies and eyelash extensions through Instagram or Snapchat or however the fuck it is a Kardashian makes a koin.
The strange thing was that everyone wasn’t told to go home as soon as this feathery vision of dusty pink gluh-moore whipped his boa train on the carpet. Why even bother going on with the 2017 CFDA Awards when it was already shut down by an exquisite bejeweled pink ostrich? I’m sure that is a question that fashion professors will ponder with their students for years to come.
Last week, Vulture senior editor Kyle Buchanan tweeted a picture from Cannes of a “questionable” billboard promoting an animated film called Red Shoes and the 7 Dwarfs. It features a thin Snow White and a thick Snow White with the tagline: “What if Snow White was no longer beautiful and the 7 Dwarfs not so short?” Rude! I’m sure there are some people who would consider Alex Borstein in cartoon form to be quite beautiful.
Just when we all thought that the War of the Assholes was already filled to the max with assholes, Khloe Kartrashian dragged a random one into it last night. Specifically, a random b-hole that is innocent in all of this and has shits to give, since that’s usually the purpose of a b-hole, but none of those shits are for the Kimye/Taylor Feud.
When two sources “confirmed” that Kerry Washington had another baby growing in her belly yesterday, I made a joke that Kerry would confirm it herself by posing on the red carpet of the Met Gala with her hand placed on her stomach. And last night Kerry Washington hit the Met Gala red carpet with her hand on her stomach. Although I almost didn’t notice that hand because I was too distracted by that purple hair. Mon Dieu (splashes self with holy water), that hair! I am so conflicted. It’s not permanent (Instagram tells me that those are extensions), so that’s good. It sort of looks like the kind of fake hair you’d find on the floor of the Rock of Love Bus, which makes me want to pour myself a hot mug of penicillin. On the other hand, it looks like it was found on the floor of the Rock of Love Bus, which means it’s 100% pure fake hair perfection.
I’ve known some pregnant people, and one thing I’ve gleaned is that sometimes being knocked up makes you do some crazy things. Case in point: the gorgeous black lace boudoir ensemble Kerry is wearing. I feel like non-knocked up Kerry wouldn’t wear that. But knocked up Kerry? Sure! The more black lace the better. Or maybe this is Kerry’s way of paying tribute to Prince. If Prince designed maternity clothes, I’m almost positive that’s what he’d make.
Kerry didn’t exactly do much with the technology theme, but there were a few people who tried. Let’s start with Demi Lovato.