If there is one thing we have learned in the last few months, it’s that Joanna Gaines is the Griselda Blanco of DIY and home renovation. When Joanna and Chip Gaines, her husband, announced last year they were quitting their HGTV show Flip or Flop, landfills across America wept wondering what might happen if Chip and Joanna weren’t around to pilfer through the dump for wood to reclaim. It quickly emerged that HGTV is kind of a cheapskate with talent, and the Gaineses wanted more moolah and a less restrictive boss since lighting those silos set them back some Benjis. While Joanna may be pious for an hour on Sundays, she shows the spirit of Kris Jenner lords over Waco for the rest of her week when it comes to making money. That theme now apparently extends to our legal system. Continue reading
A little over three long months ago, the loyal disciples of Chip and Joanna Gaines’ giant clocks cult cried magnolia scented tears into their Magnolia Market brand fake eucalyptus wreaths after the two announced that they were quitting their really fucking popular HGTV show Fixer Upper after 5 seasons. At the time, Chip and Joanna burped up an explanation saying that they’ve decided to end their show to focus more on their family. I took “focus more on their family” to mean that they’re going to focus on getting more $$$$ from a different network that will pay up to see them renovate a house the same damn way over and over again. But yesterday, the Gaines’ announced that she is carrying the newest member of their barn door army.