Sadly, Southern rock pioneer Gregg Allman passed away yesterday after battling liver cancer, according to TMZ. The multiple Grammy award winner led the Allman Brothers Band for 45 years (his brother Duane Allman died in a motorcycle accident in 1971) and survived the death of his sibling and another bandmate, alcohol and drug addiction, and being married to Cher to become an elder statesman of rock. Continue reading
When Celine Dion knocked hos over with her angelic voice while dressed like Alexis Carrington going to her rival’s wedding, the other Billboard Music Awards performers not named Cher should’ve started packing up their shit. And when Cher took the stage, they should’ve picked up their shit and headed toward the nearest exit, because their services were no longer needed. Being a Billboard Music Awards performer who wasn’t Cher or Celine was like being the raw vegetable platter at a Super Bowl party. Everybody only touched the vegetables because they were waiting until the real stars of the night, the pizza dip and pigs in a blanket, were brought out.
CBS brought the axe down on Two Broke Girls after six seasons, according to TVLine. It’s a shame (for fans of that show and fans of legendary and ageless divas who hate Donald Trump), because they were in talks with Cher to play the mom of Kat Dennings’ character, Max. I only watched that show a couple of times, but it had some truly filthy one-liners, especially for network television. I always wondered if any leftover CBS fan oldies from the Murder She Wrote days ever stumbled upon that show and immediately died from clutching pearls too fast. Continue reading
28-year-old Colton Haynes, who came out out last year, has been dating 46-year-old floral artiste Jeff Leatham for a total of three seconds. Or maybe it’s been two or three months. I haven’t totally kept track of the goings on of Colton Haynes’ newly-ish out peen. Colton and Jeff haven’t been together that long, but I guess they’ve already been struck with stage 10 dickmatization and their hearts can’t stop barfing out love for each other, because they got engaged. And Colton’s flower daddy did it up. Jeff proposed to Colton with help from flowers, candles, an opulent Mexican resort, a fireworks show and CHER! The only way Jeff’s proposal could’ve been more glamorously gay is if a hologram Liberace serenaded them on a tiny gold piano while sliding down a rainbow as a bevy of swans in gold crowns presented Colton with his engagement ring.
If you follow Cher on Twitter, you know that Cher was passionate about bringing attention to the water crisis in Flint, Michigan that started back in April 2014. Cher’s twitter activism will soon be moving to a screen bigger than the one on your phone and will be longer than 140 characters. The Hollywood Reporter says Cher is starring in a Lifetime movie about the Flint water crisis.
I know, I shouldn’t be giving any of those evil Hollywood whores ideas, because the world has been though enough and we don’t need a Hocus Pocus reboot starring these three.
We all know that Madge and Lady CaCa have been tugging at each other’s wigs for a while and I guess Lady CaCa once tugged at Katy Perry’s, but last night they stopped shanking at each other for the sake of Instagram likes. Katy Perry (who wore a Pimp Mama Kris wig, now available in a clearance bin at Sears), Madonna and Lady CaCa (who from the neck up looks like an eyebrow-challenged Anne Boleyn) were all at the annual Look At Me Gala last night and they formed the Trifecta of Thirst by hugging on each other for a picture. Not pictured: The luminous Cher rolling her eyes at these STUNT QUEENS.
Madge posted the picture on her Instagram and added the caption:
Girls night out………. Kissing the Ring……..Finally! #metball
This is Madge we’re talking about, so by “kissing the ring,” she obviously means that those two lessers Katy and Gaga are finally paying their respects to the Godmother of Pop. Speaking of kissing the ring, designer Jeremy Scott of Moschino did just that on the red carpet:
Jeremy designed Madge’s look and by “designed” I mean spray painted the name of her album on a black dress and a vampire cape from Party City. If you’re going to steal Macy Gray’s iconic shameless promo gown, then at least do it right and add some sparkles and also put a discount code to use on iTunes.
Katy and Madge showed up to the Met Gala together, because they both wore Moschino. I figured that if anybody was going to take the theme “China: Through The Looking Glass” and run it through the cultural appropriation machine before bedazzling it, it would be Katy Perry. I really thought Katy Perry was going to show up in a neon rickshaw with a rhinestone-encrusted rice hat on her head, chopsticks sticking out of her b-hole, sequined Chinese takeout boxes over her tits, high-heeled Pearl River slippers on her feet and a giant fortune cookie on her crotch. Anyone who opened up her fortune cookie would pull out a fortune that read: “I predict that you will read a 10,000 word think piece about this outfit tomorrow.” But instead she showed up looking like the videos for “Open Your Heart“ and “Opposites Attract” crashed into her at the same time.
Here’s pictures of legendary Cher, Madge, Katy Perry, Gaga and John Mayer (who apparently kissed on Katy at an after-party. ICK NAST). And has anybody seen Drake lately? Does he look like an abuelo? Because it looks like Madge really did suck the youth out of him. She looks downright fetus-ey in the face.