In 2015, it was announced that Hollywood, the Land of No Original Ideas, reached into a bag of past movies to butcher and pulled out Flatliners. It was announced that a remake of Flatliners starring Ellen Page was in the works. Info about more casting has been dropped along the way, but I mostly forgot it was happening until today when the trailer came out.
I am fading faster than a Jenner after not taking a selfie for a full 30 minutes. Since last week, a cold or the flu has been trying hard to possess my body and I’ve been fighting it off with the usual: Theraflu, whiskey, weed laced with crushed Vitamin C pills, Lipton Soup Secrets and episodes of The Golden Girls (that shit is like industrial-strength antibiotics for the soul). I thought I beat it, but then this morning I woke up feeling like Amanda Nunes flinched at me. I was going to say that I felt like I just spent 1 millisecond in the ring with Amanda Nunes, but I wouldn’t feel a thing if I just spent 1 millisecond in the ring with Amanda Nunes, because I’d be dead. So because I’m officially sick, I’m checking out early. But instead of feeling sorry for my sick self, I’m feeling sorry for the Photoshop artiste who sprained their hand while Photoshopping these pictures of Joe Jonas to the moon and back.
Joe Jonas is the new face, crotch and ass of the line of underwear from Guess, the brand that us 80s kids begged our parents to buy. The closest I got were Guess knock-off jeans that my mom bought me in Tijuana. Guess released a bunch of pictures of a shirtless Joe Jonas working a pair of Guess undies with Charlotte McKinney. That top picture looks all kinds of off. It’s like they pasted Joe’s head on some other model’s body and then slapped the finished product in front of a Sears Portrait Studio background. It looks like fapping material that a crazed Jonas Brother fan put together.
But with that being said, these pics got dude nipples and man chonies, so I’ll take ’em.