Every night before the families of Charlie Sheen’s lawyers eat their usual casual dinner of filet mignon, caviar and truffles dipped in liquid gold they bow their heads and give thanks to the tiger blood-having warlock for keeping their family rich as hell with his messiness. Charlie’s lawyers are already busy dealing with the lawsuits from “desperate charlatans” who are suing him for allegedly not telling them that he’s HIV positive, and now they have to add a lawsuit from Denise Richards to their big, fat pile.
When Charlie Sheen told the world that he’s HIV positive on the Today show last November, he said that the virus was undetectable in his system thanks to the meds he was taking. That reminds me of the old saying: If it’s not broke, why try to fix it by getting an alternative treatment from a crazy doctor? Well, Charlie Sheen went against that saying by going off his meds and flying off to Mexico to get “cured.”
In a 2-part interview with my mom’s boo Dr. Oz that aired yesterday and today, Charlie said that he met with Dr. El Chapo who immediately put him on an HIV-fighting regimen of blow and meth. No, Charlie says he was treated by Dr. Sam Chachoua, a doctor who claims to be working on an HIV vaccine.
Burt Reynolds has been on a roll while promoting his new memoir. Burt committed a sin by talking shit about Boogie Nights, the gift of a movie that gave-us a coked up Julianne Moore talking about taking a pottery class and now he’s brought a load of outrage on top of his polyester toupee by saying that Charlie Sheen deserved to get HIV.
Burt’s 79-year-old ass was on the British talk show Loose Women (via People) on Monday and he was asked about Charlie Sheen’s HIV diagnosis. I remember during the whole AIDS PANIC!!! era of the 80s, The National Enquirer or some shit like that said that Burt had AIDS and he later said he was afraid that rumor was going to ruin his career. You’d think that’d make Pepaw Burt a little bit sensitive, but nope. Burt Reynolds went full Burt Reynolds. Those rose-colored glasses are strictly for show. The alleged wife beater said this:
“He’s handled it badly, I think. His father is a very, very decent man and a dear friend of mine. I feel bad for him but Charlie, I don’t feel bad for him. He’s getting what he deserves. If you’re going to misbehave like that, they’re going to get you.
He misbehaved badly. Very badly. But you know, when you’re that age, it’s tough. All those things are coming at you and it’s difficult.”
Many people on Twitter called Burt ignorant and said he was pushing a stigma, and even if Burt knew what a Twitter was, he wouldn’t give a fuck. Burt wears colored glasses on a day that isn’t October 31st, so he obviously doesn’t care. If you shook his stache out, you wouldn’t find one fuck in there. Burt is your grouchy grandpa who’d tell you that you deserved it and to quit crying when you crack your skull open on the headboard while jumping on the bed. “Just pour some ammonia on your head and go get me a hard candy” is probably what he’d say.
And here’s Pepaw Burt out in London:
Seen above looking like Carmen
Sandiego Tijuana (no offense to Tijuana, the outlet stores there were a major part of my childhood), Charlie Sheen has officially responded to the lawsuit that his ex-goddess/fiancee Brett Rossi put in a pipe for him to smoke up. Brett Rossi (government name: Scottine Ross) is suing Charlie for the emotional distress she says he caused her by being abusive in more ways than one. Brett claimed in the court papers she filed that Charlie verbally and physically abused her, didn’t tell her about being HIV+ and made her get an abortion. Charlie filed his response to Brett’s lawsuit in court yesterday, and he obviously didn’t write it himself, because it’s missing Shakespearean phrases like “salt-less reputations” and “washed up piglet shame pile.”
When Charlie Sheen was on Today to talk about being HIV positive, he said that “salt-less” and “desperate charlatans” blackmailed him for money and he was done paying all of them to keep his status a secret since everyone knows now. Well, one of those “salt-less” and “desperate charlatans” has hit him with a lawsuit for going back on their alleged deal. Warning: I’m probably going to type “ALLEGEDLY” a lot in this post.
Porn star Brett Rossi (born name: Scottine Ross) was Charlie Sheen’s main goddess for about a year and they even got engaged. We all figured that Charlie and Brett’s relationship was a beautiful union filled with cherub queefs and rainbows. But People says that in papers filed today, Brett claims that she was abused physically and emotionally and Charlie forced her to get an abortion. Allegedly.
Since my last post about Charlie Sheen, his ex-piece/”nurse” said on The Dr. Oz Show that she bareback boned him after finding out he’s HIV-positive because they were in love, a New York madam said that he paid hookers at least $5,000 extra to go raw dog, Gloria Allred may represent some of his ex-pieces and Martin Sheen said that he supports his son 100%. I’m sure a thousand more stories will pop up as soon as I hit the publish button on this post. But who cares about any of that! I’m sure what you’ve really been waiting for are the farty thoughts that Jenny McCarthy’s shit pile of a brain burped up about this.
Right after Charlie Sheen was on Today where he told Matt Lauer that he let all of his sex partners know that he’s HIV-positive before doing sex stuff with them, his ex-goddess Bree Olson (the one on the left) went on Howard Stern and called him a liar. Charlie said on Today that he had the night sweats in a major way and headaches right before he was diagnosed. Bree told Howard that she was with him when he had the night sweats and he never told her about being diagnosed. Bree is negative, but says that she and Charlie boned without a condom many times. Well, it’s Charlie’s turn to scream, “LIAR!!!”
Charlie Sheen Says He’s Paid Millions In Blackmail Money To Keep His HIV Status Quiet And He’s Done With The Shakedowns
As anyone who hasn’t just come out of a long coma knows (Tip: If you’ve just come out of a long coma, do NOT watch the Jem movie or you’ll weep for humanity and want to go back into that coma.), Charlie Sheen is HIV-positive and in an interview with Matt Lauer on Today this morning, he said that he’s paid more than $10 million in STFU money to tricks who threatened to expose his status to the media. Well, grifting types are going to have to find another reason to blackmail Charlie Sheen for quick cash, because the world knows he’s HIV-positive now and the shaking of his checking account has come to an end.
We barely found out earlier that Charlie Sheen will announce on Today tomorrow morning that he’s HIV-positive and TMZ is already working it hard. TMZ’s sources say that Charlie knew about his HIV status for more than a year, but kept it to himself. Eventually, Charlie told friends and those friends told others who told people that he did sex with. Charlie’s ex sex pieces were of course mad that he didn’t tell them and threatened to sue him. Charlie reportedly hushed them all up with a pile of money in exchange for their silence and a signed confidentiality agreement. One of those settlements happened as recently as last month. When
Another source tells TMZ that Charlie has been on a series of meds and his status is now “undetectable.” Everything I know about being undetectable I learned from Looking on HBO (no, I didn’t). Being undetectable doesn’t mean you don’t have HIV anymore. It means that the HIV meds are working well and the amount of virus in the blood is lower than the amount a blood test can measure. The chances of passing the virus is less likely, but there’s still a risk. TMZ’s source that Charlie admits that he did it with several people throughout the years and says that he didn’t deceive any of them since he’s undetectable.
One of Charlie Sheen’s ex-goddesses, Bree Olson, has already said in a note on Facebook that she’s HIV negative, so she wants the tabloids to stop asking her about it! And a “source” tells People that Charlie’s second ex-wife Denise Richards has known for years and wants everyone to know that she’s HIV-negative.
“She’s known Charlie was HIV-positive for a number of years. He was infected after they divorced, and they haven’t been intimate since. Neither she nor their daughters are HIV-positive.”
A couple of weeks ago, Radar threw up a blind item about how it’s an open secret in Hollywood that a “world-famous” bad boy actor is HIV+ and has known for two years. The Sun repeated that blind item and said that their sources claim the actor has told many people in Hollywood about his HIV status. I know, The Sun co-signing a story from Radar is like Benita Butrell co-signing a piece of gossip from Mary Jenkins. (If you’re an old like me, Benita Butrell is a gossiping bitch from In Living Color and Mary Jenkins is another legendary gossip from 227.) Every one of the “clues” in the blind items pointed to Charlie Sheen.
Well, it was a blind item until today when both Radar and The National Enquirer (aka The Don’t Give A Fuck Weekly) said that Charlie Sheen’s tiger blood tested positive for HIV and at least four women claim he exposed them to the virus. The Enquirer claims that they worked on the story for 18 months and uncovered “SHOCKING DETAILS!!!” like how Charlie allegedly did it bareback-style with many people when he knew about his status. They also claim that Charlie paid off at least one of his sex partners to keep it all a secret.
“Charlie had sex with multiple partners since learning his HIV status without informing them of his potentially deadly HIV infection,” one source told The ENQUIRER.
Adult film star Scottine Ross, who an insider noted didn’t know of Sheen’s HIV status for four months while they had unprotected sex, railed against her ex-fiancé in a video provided to The ENQUIRER: “You exposed me to HIV for a year and a half!” she blasted.
Now Sheen, who doesn’t know how he contracted the virus, “has been tortured by the thought that his acting genius will be forgotten,” explained a source. “Charlie’s worst fear is that he will be remembered not as a great actor, but as someone who contracted the disease.”
The Enquirer says that Charlie is currently on a regimen of meds.
Right after Radar and The National Enquirer named Charlie Sheen, NBC released a press release saying that he’s going to do a live interview with lukewarm bag of smug Matt Lauer on Today tomorrow morning and he’s going to make a “personal announcement.” TMZ says that Charlie Sheen’s personal announcement will be that he’s HIV+. We should all brace ourselves, because if the Enquirer is right about Charlie Sheen not telling any of his pieces, this is going to get all kinds of messy real fast.