1986’s “nerdy kid triumphs” classic Lucas was forever ruined for us when The National Enquirer ran a story last month claiming 19-year-old cast member Charlie Sheen raped 13-year-old Corey Haim during filming. Multiversal super-wreck Charlie wasn’t chuffed by this accusation, and TMZ reports that he’s suing the Enquirer. You can imagine the future witticisms (written in straight-up tiger blood) we’ll be gifted with from THAT particular court transcript. Continue reading
Yesterday we got the unsettling story about how a 19-year-old Charlie Sheen allegedly raped a 13-year-old Corey Haim on the set of the 1986 film Lucas. Charlie Sheen has something to say about it and unsurprisingly, it’s a denial.
Dominick Brascia told The National Enquirer that Corey told him about what happened with Charlie Sheen. The National Enquirer claims that dozens of sources they spoke to named Charlie Sheen as Corey Haim’s alleged rapist. A rep for Charlie Sheen gave the following statement to The Hollywood Reporter yesterday:
“Charlie Sheen categorically denies these allegations.”
Charlie’s rep tells People magazine much of the same, saying: “He absolutely denies the claim.”
Corey Haim’s friend Corey Feldman recently contacted the LAPD regarding his claims of having a whole list of pedos. There’s no word on if one of the names is that of Charlie Sheen’s.
Maybe a denial is all Charlie Sheen is required to give right now? I can’t help but think Charlie Sheen half-assed it. I mean, he’s said more words when apologizing to Ashton Kutcher after dragging him on Twitter than he has in those statements. I’ve never been accused of anything anywhere near as dark as what Dominick Brascia told The National Enquirer, but I know something that heavy requires a little more effort than the PR equivalent of “Nope.”
For as long as I can remember (which isn’t saying much since the mound of dried dildo dust I call a brain barely remembers what I had for breakfast), there’s been stories on the internet about how Charlie Sheen raped Corey Haim on the set of Lucas. Last year, Radar said that they knew of an A-list superstar actor who was the king of a pedo ring and sexually abused many boys including Corey Haim. Radar wouldn’t name the pedo king, but many guessed their story was about Charlie Sheen. Cut to today, when one of Corey Haim’s friends has ran off to The National Enquirer to say that a 19-year-old Charlie raped Corey when he was just 13 years old. I guess that might be one more name that Corey Feldman doesn’t have to name anymore.
Stories like this make me wish that surgeons would do a procedure where they’d drill an easy-access hole into your skull. That way it’d be so much easier to pour a mixture of bleach, ammonia and Fabuloso directly onto my brain after reading disturbing shit like this. Pouring into my ear hole is so messy!
All of you supposedly serious auteurs can just cancel your plans for Cannes next year. The next film to win the Palme de’Or is here! Charlie Sheen, Gina Gershon, and Whoopi Goldberg (?!?) are starring in the most tasteful and necessary film experience in decades. Picture it. Total strangers trapped in a high-rise elevator must work together to survive before the cable snaps! It’s a pulse-pounding race against time! Why is the cable snapping? Because a plane just hit the North Tower! Yes, somebody thought it was a good idea to make a cheesy, predictable thriller about 9/11. Is anyone involved in this film ALLOWED in NYC anymore?
You know, not too long ago we all gathered around the television screen and laughed at Charlie Sheen (which I didn’t intend to rhyme, but now it’s my favorite poem ever!) as he spoke about his slew of #WINNING, his brokedown goddesses and possession of “tiger’s blood”. Well, those were much simpler times before Charlie became a certified nutcase and shimmied his way into infamy by acting like our favorite neighborhood crackhead. Take for instance the newest allegation being brought from one of his former fuck buddies.
Infinite disaster person Charlie Sheen has somehow convinced a model-type to be his newest future mistake. Or the other way around? Either way, he’s obviously still #winning.
The Daily Mail (via New York Daily News) reports that Charlie introduced the latest goddess to the paparazzi outside of a restaurant in Santa Monica. Her name is Julia Stambler (more like: HelpMeOhGodHelpMeHeCrazy2017 on Twitter), but Charlie lovingly refers to her as “Jools.”