In case you didn’t know that Robert Pattinson and FKA Twigs are still together, he made it perfectly clear that they are by wearing outfits that she obviously laid out on the bed for him.
RPattz is at the Berlin International Film Festival, pimping out his movie The Lost City of Z, and at a photo call yesterday, he dressed like an insomniac hacker in a Dystopian thriller. And at the premiere of his movie today, he showed us that you can take the trick out of the vampire movies, but you can’t take the vampire look out of the trick. It looks like Edward Cullen moved to Berlin where by day, he sleeps in a coffin in the back room of the art gallery owned by an older woman, who is also his new lovah. And by night, he plays the keyboards in a Soft Cell tribute band and sells drugs at goth clubs. I don’t know whether I want him to glamour me or sell me Ecstasy in the last stall in the bathroom.
And if I was anywhere near RPattz, I would’ve said, “Now Iz Ze Time On Schprockets Ven Ve Dance!”, because I’d want to see him serve up these hot malfunctioning robot moves:
Nearly every dude in high school who was really into The Cure wore RPattz’s look to the prom. FKA Twigs needs to keep laying his clothes out for him, because this is the look, all the way. And here’s more of RPattz giving you vampire Zoolander as well as pictures of Panty Creamer Hall of Famer, Charlie Hunnam, in a suit and Sienna Miller in Dior boxer briefs.
Ben Affleck’s standalone Batman movie hasn’t even started shooting yet and it’s already turning into a bigger wreck than Batman & Robin (although, it’s one of my favorite thanks to Vivica A. Fox’s important cameo appearance as Ms. B. Haven). When The Batman was first announced, Warner Bros. said that Ben would be writing, directing and starring in it. But then Ben dropped out as director and Matt Reeves was brought in as his replacement. Now there’s a rumor that Ben doesn’t even want to star in it anymore and is done with playing Batman. “You’re late to the party, bitch, we were done with you playing Batman the day it was announced,” screamed millions of tricks to Ben.
Jared Leto went method by terrorizing his co-stars with jizz-filled condoms, a dead pig and scariest of all, his portrayal of The Joker. Christian Bale has gone method several times including the times he starved himself down to the size of a tequila worm. And Leonardo DiCaprio went method by sleeping in animal carcasses. But Charlie Hunnam went so method that it fucked with his relationship, or so he says. The Lost City of Z doesn’t come out until April 2017, but Charlie’s still hustling like he’s up for an Oscar.
Let’s all take a moment to put our hands together (or put your feet together if your hands are too busy fapping) and say a prayer of thanks for the fact that Charlie Hunnam lives in Los Angeles and not Paris. Because according to Natalie Portman, the Lanvin uniform-wearing police officers of France would immediately arrest and jail Charlie Hunnam for the sinful crime of wearing sloppy workout clothes and showing his knees like an uncouth peasant! (Side note about Natalie’s comments: I went to Paris in July, and surprisingly, they didn’t run me out of the city, so they’re obviously okay with temporary trash.)
Charlie did stuff in L.A. on Saturday as his armpit fur twirled in the wind and he worked a really hot pair of scrunched-up sweat capris. About two weeks ago, I posted a tip-moistening video of Charlie Hunnam doing The 22 Push-Up Challenge. Charlie didn’t only do it once. He’s done it 13 times so far and his friend has posted all of the videos of him doing it on Instagram. But I’m sure you already knew that, because I’m sure you bought a projector at Best Buy and projected Charlie’s push-up videos on your bedroom ceiling as you lay sprawled out naked on a tarp.
Pics: Pacific Coast News
Just like Chris Evans, Scott Eastwood, The Rock, Chris Pratt, Anna Faris and everybody else before him, Charlie Hunnam raised awareness for veteran suicide providing by getting down on the floor and humping the air. (“That slut air, I hate it.” – every jealous Hunnam-a-holic) Charlie was nominated by his friend Dominic. A few of the famous dudes who have done the #22PushUpChallenge have done it in front of a dog, but Charlie knew that wouldn’t end well if he did. The last time Charlie did push-ups in front of dogs, the dude dog got a lipstick so hard that his peen blew off and the chick dog, who was spayed, re-grew ovaries and a uterus and got pregnant. So it’s for the best. And yes, this IG video is sped up. He doesn’t hump that fast.
My only complaint is that Charlie should’ve done those pushups with his bare nalgas out. That would’ve helped another cause: the California drought. Because the sight of Charlie’s raw nalgas going up and down again would’ve made a million coochies shoot out a geyser.
Here’s Charlie struttin’ that ass in Beverly Hills yesterday:
Since we’re on the subject of crazed mega fans with insanity running through their veins, here’s pictures from over the weekend of coochie seizure-inducer Charlie Hunnam in NYC with his jewelry designer girlfriend of a few years Morgana McNelis. Or as some of his crazed mega fans call her (probably), Tramp Slut Thotty Whore McHussyFace.
Last month, Lainey Gossip posted about a weird video message that Charlie Hunnam made for the batshit fans who were throwing hate balls at his girlfriend. Originally, Charlie gave a “leave my girlfriend aloooone” note to Tina, a woman who runs one of his fan sites. Tina posted the note and many of his fans didn’t believe it came from him. When they called Tina a liar, Charlie made a video message where he said that the note was real and he wants all of his Hunnamaniacs to stop messing with Tina and his girlfriend. It was something to file in a folder labeled “Being Famous Is Weird.”
Well, Morgana must think that the streets are safe again, because she came out in NYC over the weekend. That lady behind Morgana is me, because she’s obviously saying to her friend, “I can’t believe you’re taking pictures of stupid buildings when you should be taking pictures of dat ass right there.” But honestly, I’m disappointed in that Morgana chick. Because what’s the point of hitting the pap stroll with Charlie Hunnam if you’re not going to wear a third trimester baby pillow with a maternity t-shirt that reads, “Your Fake Boyfriend Busted A Raw Nut Up Into This. Seethe, Hos, Seethe!” Really, there’s no point at all!