“Can I haz mah Strawmamaberry Shortcake now, mistah ice cweme man?” is probably what Brit Brit Spears is thinking in that picture and sadly, we’ll never have moments like that again. Because apparently, Daddy Spears has ended Charlie Ebersol’s contract with Brit Brit and is now interviewing new boyfriends who must know exactly where the beef jerky section of every San Fernando Valley-area Walmart is and won’t get all mad when the Cheetolings accidentally call him “Uncle Normal Guy Dave.” Memorizing the name of the new “uncle” that mommy brings home is hard.
Both TMZ and UsWeekly say that Brit Brit’s fans knew something was up when her Instagram was scrubbed clean of Charlie Ebersol’s face. I guess deleting your piece from your Instagram is the new version of cutting their face out of pictures while screaming the lyrics to an Alanis Morissette song. Some source tells TMZ that their 8-month-old love didn’t die because of anything messy. It just ended (read: They had one of those short-term contracts).
Charlie Ebersol’s mom is Susan Saint James, so it gives me the sads knowing that Brit Brit will never be the daughter-in-law of McMillan’s wife. But well, I know Brit Brit will find love again and will meet a true prince who won’t get all pissed off when she dutch ovens him for the 13th time during a sleepover. Brit Brit may have already found that prince in Louisiana.
Brit Brit spent her weekend in her homeland and she Instagrammed this picture:
(Update: I’m so hungover I forgot to post the picture the first time.) I’m still hungover so I thought his tank top read, “Prop Store.” I thought to myself, “DAMN! Daddy Spears isn’t even trying to hide where he gets Brit Brit’s prop boyfriends from.“
In “This Is Some Brand New Information That Has Deleted My Body’s Supply of SHOCK” news, The Daily Mail says that Daddy Spears is a master puppeteer who controls every single piece of Our Lady of Cheetos’ life including who she goes on romantic Cheesecake Factory dates with.
When Normal Guy Dave was pink-slipped for insubordination (read: reportedly passing his peen to another while dating Brit Brit) a couple of months ago, Daddy Spears immediately channeled the Millionaire Matchmaker and started huntin’ for a new contract boyfriend for his hillbilly moneymaker. Some source tells the literary journal of truthful truths, The Daily Mail, that Brit Brit is one of those can’t be without a man types and her papa je’e’ thinks she’s happiest when she’s got a boyfriend. So Daddy Spears went on the hunt and found 31-year-old producer Charlie Ebersol.