Category: Charli XCX

I Don’t Think That Fur Stole Is Part Of The Party Down Dress Code…

February 9, 2015 / Posted by:

I’m not sure what the inspiration behind Charli XCX’s Grammys outfit was, but I like to imagine that her stylist was going for ‘former Party Down employee who was fired for getting stoned and falling asleep on a pile of fur coats at a graduation party for Leonard Stiltskin’s daughter‘ sort of thing. She’s like the accidental hot tub baby of Roman and Bobbie St. Brown. She also kind of reminds me of a baby model from the baby formal wear page of a Sears catalog. You know, the one where all the babies look like tiny aspiring dinner theater magicians?

But if I have to be totally honest, that baby pink mink stole would have looked so much hotter paired with a floor-length crystal-studded Bob Mackie gown. Yes, I know that it’s no longer 1979 and not everyone can be Cher or Morgan Fairchild, but what ever happened to serving up show-stopping glitz n’ glamour at the Grammys? I understand that not everyone can handle the responsibility that comes along with walking the red carpet in some top-shelf crystal-covered eleganza, but at least they could try. It’s truly a dark day when only ONE person was brave enough to pull out all the stops (no, literally – there’s definitely a construction site missing its caution markers) and arrive working some old school beauty pageant glamour.

Here’s more of Charli XCX, as well as the rest of the dull, unpolished rhinestones that rolled down the Grammy red carpet last night, including an escort-looking Lady Gaga, Kelly Osbourne in Dame Edna drag, Katy Perry in Kelly Osbourne drag, and John Mayer making me completely ashamed to say I totally would:

Pics: Splash, Wenn.com

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Frankie Grande’s Sister Brought True Toddler Hoochie 90s Hooker Glamour To The VMA Red Carpet

August 25, 2014 / Posted by:

…because DUH, where else is a toddler-faced hoochie supposed to bring it? Just like how Chuck E. Cheese is the place where a kid can be a kid, the red carpet at the VMAs is the place where a sexy fetus can dress in 90s day-shift streetwalker couture and the only thing people will wonder is whether or not her skirt is short enough. You should be dressed slutty enough that someone calls both the vice squad and CPS.

Ariana Grande Latte, the sexy rhythm-deficient singing fetus and Frankie Grande’s less famous sister, did what Ariana Grande Latte do best by by showing up to the VMAs looking like she was ready to turn tricks for Milli Vanilli’s Moonman, then find a no-good Kindergartener named Raiyden to which she can sell the Moonman for a bag of animal crackers and a Capri Sun. The only thing she needs to complete the look is a purse to carry the cellphone Frankie gave her (for when he needs to call her up and prove to people that he’s related to Ariana Grande), and she’s ready to hit the stroll! Click clack, pretend to make that Playskool money, honey! Although I have to deduct points for originality, since Paisley from Toddlers & Tiaras already did it first and, to be quite honest, better. But A+ for execution, no doubt about that.

Here’s more from the VMA red carpet, including JLo (who looked bueno, but also sort of like the Madame Tussauds version of herself), Jessie J wearing an IKEA curtain panel, Iggy Azalea looking like the princess of a far away land called Strippertonia, Charli XCX looking like Marsupilami’s skanky cousin, and a very knocked-up Kelly Rowland in Heidi hair.

Pics: Splash, Wenn.com

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What In The Name Of Slutty Morticia Addams Is Going On Here?

May 19, 2014 / Posted by:

I know, how dare I compare singer Charli XCX and her messy pile of black mosquito netting to the exquisite goth glamour of shameless true blue slut Morticia Addams. I’m honestly hanging in my head in shame. And quite frankly, so should Charli XCX; the bar for pseudo-gothic skanky side-boob was set pretty high by Rose McGowan, so unless you’re planning on showing up in nothing but a thong and two spiders glued to your nipples, don’t even bother.

But because I believe in giving credit where credit’s due, Charli XCX gets a single clap of approval from me for at least trying to inject some trampy glamour into the 2014 Bill-bored Music Awardzzzz. The Tai to Iggy Azalea’s Cher must have had to check her invitation four times to see if she was at the right event, because everyone showed up to the Billboard Awards in Las Vegas in fancy-ass ball gowns and Grace Kelly-looking hair like it was the damn Oscars. Which is all kinds of “excuse you, bitch”-levels of wrong, because if any award show held in Las Vegas is on par with the Oscars, it’s the AVN Awards (DUH). Charl XCX is clearly wiser than her 21 years; she understood that the Billboard Awards are the Grammy Award’s nitrous-huffing burnout cousin and dressed appropriately.

Here’s more of Charli XCX wearing Hot Topic’s version of the slut dress (“Can you check in the back to see if we have any more of those Edgar Allan Poe-job dresses?”) at the Billboring Awardzzzz, as well as her partner in copyright infringement Iggy Azalea who chose classy over trashy (bad move, always choose trashy if you’ve got the ass for it), Jennifer Lopez showing us what the unedited pictures of her A.K.A. album cover looked like before she destroyed all evidence of their existence, the gas station bath salts Grace Kelly Kesha, Kanye’s old My Size Barbie Amber Rose in a pair of your Memaw’s solar shields, JOSH “oh, the things I would so would” GROBAN, and a super jacked-looking wig with guest (guest: Chrissy Teigen).

Pics: Splash

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