Category: Charity
MacKenzie Scott (Formerly Bezos) Has Already Given Away $1.7 Billion Of Her Fortune To Charity
MacKenzie Scott is not fucking around. Last year she signed The Giving Pledge, which is an initiative started by Bill and Melinda Gates that encourages the world’s wealthiest people to donate at least half their fortunes to charitable causes. At the time, MacKenzie said she wasn’t going to waste any time in doing so. So while her ex-husband Jeff Bezos is apparently waiting to get Lauren Sanchez listed as a 501(c) before signing the pledge, MacKenzie quietly got to work. In just over a year, she has already donated $1.7 billion to various organizations with a promise to “keep at it until the safe is empty.” And while I’m pretty sure she’s not doing it out of spite to make Jeff look trashier than he already does, the probability of Jeff’s left eye twitching at the thought of people expecting him to do the same is a bonus act of charitable giving on MacKenzie’s part.
Celebrities Are Still Singing At Us
Last month, the world lost Bill Withers. And, despite this, organizers at ArtistsCAN, an artists initiative raising funds for COVID-19 relief in Canada, thought it would be a good idea (Canadians always have the best of intentions) to stage a virtual performance, pulling together some Canadian singers––many of whom couldn’t hold a fucking candle to Bill––and get them to croak out his signature song, “Lean On Me”. In a spectacle that literally nobody asked for, people like Justin Bieber, Avril Lavigne and Michael Buble, shat all over Bill’s legacy with their warbling, auto-tuned renditions, albeit all for a good cause. And, like any respectable group of narcissists, insisted on filming the whole thing. Your move, Gal Gadot.
Oprah Winfrey Is Donating $10 Million Towards Coronavirus Relief
With Tom Hanks’ return to the United States, the three cornerstones of the Illuminati pentagram can once again join forces to summon the devil as soon as Oprah Winfrey can get Jay-Z to pick up the phone (don’t worry, they don’t have to worrying about staying 6-feet away from each other so they don’t catch coronavirus because they invented coronavirus). Perhaps as a smoke screen to hide their true purpose, Oprah has decided to donate $10 million dollars to various coronavirus relief efforts, $1 million of which has already been donated to America’s Food Fund, a newly formed organization co-founded by Leonardo DiCaprio and Laurene Powell Jobs (Steve’s widow). So now, can we let her get back to sucking the brains out of babies’ ears in peace? Your move, Jeff Bezos (oh wait, he just announced he’s dating $100 million to Feeding America).
Lana Del Rey Will Release A Spoken Word Album With Half The Proceeds Going To Native Americans
Witch princess and Narc, Lana Del Rey, is coming back with a new album. She actually just released her album Norman Fucking Rockwell! in August but she’s here with another out in January. But this isn’t your typical Lana Del Rey sleepy, drug-infused yodeling about an older boyfriend who’s a hardened criminal with prison tattoos but you love him anyway and roll his cigarettes and count the money because he eats your pussy right, this album is spoken word. And what’s more? Lana will be donating half of the money the album makes to Native American causes.
Kanye West Donated $1 Million To Charity As A Birthday Gift To Kim Kardashian
This year, for her 39th birthday, Kanye West gave his wife Kim Kardashian a truly meaningful gift. In addition to a needless reup on her bag collection, a weekend in Palm Springs with all her friends and family, which included a catered dinner complete with a beignet truck and churro stand, Kanye donated $1 million to charity in her name. Does the saying “even a broken clock is right twice a day” still apply if said clock is also responsible for the glorification of rampant crass capitalism and perpetuating an unrealistic and unattainable physical aesthetic to women and girls the world over? If so, then it’s Kim and Kanye o’clock somewhere!
So I Guess Angelina Jolie Really Is Broke!!!
The petty and ugly (pegly?) custody battle between Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt finally came to an end, for now, last month. But before the pile of broken glass from the fallen Brangelina crystal kingdom gets swept into the dust bin forever (aka their divorce is finalized), they have to figure out other shit, like money. It was rumored that Angie, whose net worth is $160 million according to the internet, wanted money from Brad, whose net worth is $240 million according to the internet, because she’s having cash issues. Team Brad and everyone else laughed at Angie smearing dirt on her face and shaking wooden coins out of her Louis Vuitton change purse, but maybe she really is broke. I mean, she was spotted trying to make ends meet by selling dog treats at a dog park! Okay, her kids were selling the treats, and it was for a dog charity, but let’s go with it anyway.