I thought the Queen of Quebec had already had a biopic done about her years ago, but I guess Titanic, my Livejournal entries about her wack-a-doodle time in Paris, and millions of lip dubs around the world don’t count. Celine Dion will be the subject of an upcoming biopic, aptly called The Power Of Love. Alas, it sounds like the movie will be more along the lines of a Mamma Mia fictional piece than a teary sit down where Oprah describes how Celine was the only reason she kept that talk show going for 25 years.
There are still a few episodes left of Surviving Surviving R. Kelly, the reality show we’re currently living where artists who’ve worked with R. Kelly try to distance themselves from him. The last episode with Lady Gaga was kind of bullshit, and today’s episode starring Kanye West and Kim Kardashian is even worse. And Celine Dion being in it didn’t really help all that much either. Not even the Greatest Singer In Da World could save this shit show! According to Complex, Kanye was performing at a Sunday Service event where he sat on a stool and mumbled some shit while a choir sang a few of his songs. During one of the mumbling bits, Kanye made some observations about separating the art from the artist, indirectly alluding to R. Kelly and Michael Jackson.
Lady Gaga tried it with that bootleg ass Jazz from Transformers that’s obviously made out of aluminum foil and silver-painted cardboard, but during her Las Vegas show Enigma last night, the real magic happened in the audience.
The forever reigning Queen of Las Vegas (insert a quadruple side-eye from Elton John and Liberace here) Celine Dion was gracious enough to slip off of her rhinestone-encrusted gold throne to visit the show of a lesser. I’ve been to a handful of Vegas shows (and I have the missing internal organs to prove it since that’s what a normal ticket costs), and at some of them, bitches sit there like cold lumps of grumpiness, and probably because they realize that for the price of the ticket they paid they could’ve gotten a mid-tier hooker and a plate at the Bellagio buffet instead. But not Celine Dion. During Gaga’s show, Celine put on her own show in the audience. Celine did pretty much every single move from the opening of Jem and the Holograms.
This is the same move I do whenever the Henny Penny episode of The Golden Girls comes on while I’m flipping through the channels. It’s also the move my b-hole ring does when absolutely any trick on Grindr responds to me.
Celine Dion getting her life at Lady Gaga's show pic.twitter.com/Gj7oV28kf3
— Gaga Daily (@gagadaily) December 31, 2018
Happy New Year, tricks!
May your 2019 be like that clip of Celine, and by that I mean, may you become insanely rich, covered in couture, and so fuck-free that you’ll proudly dance like Mary Catherine Gallagher on Ecstasy in public.
The Queen of Soul may have also been the Queen of Debt. Aretha Franklin died in August, and she obviously left behind a legacy of music. The tax man has a different way of remembering Aretha. The IRS now claims Queen Aretha owes millions in back taxes, and let’s just hope a planned tribute concert will put a dent in that pile of debt. Continue reading
Her heart will go on…in a non-binary fashion. Celine Dion has been teasing what looks like a well-curated arrest video for a few days on Instagram, and I was really hoping it was going to end up being a redo movie of The Bling Ring. Alas, we won’t have Celine calling up a Vanity Fair journalist to sob about who made her shoes. Instead, the video is part of a campaign to launch Celine’s partnership with fashion brand NUNUNU on a line of gender-neutral children’s clothes. Divas may come a dime a dozen, but how many #woke divas do you see doing the damn thing like this??
How will the Las Vegas strip even commemorate such a tragic occasion? Will they dye the fountain at Caesars Palace black to show they’re in a state of mourning? Maybe instead of waving hello to someone, you’d offer a solemn chest-bump with your right hand before both wiping away a tear? They better figure it out soon, because Celine Dion confirmed today that she’ll be ending her residency at The Colosseum in 2019.