And this is why Celebrity Big Brother UK needs to be shown worldwide, because every person on the planet deserves to see this kind of foolery.
David Bowie’s ex-wife Angie Bowie is currently in the CBB house and after his death, the producers told her the news off-camera. Angie Bowie chose to stay in the game. On last night’s episode, Angie decided to privately tell Tiffany “New York” Pollard the news and well, fuckery ensued. Angie pulled New York aside and asked her to keep her lips shut about the news she was about to hear. New York promised not to say shit, but she threw that promise into the toilet when Angie said, “David’s dead.” Angie didn’t say, “My ex-husband David BOWIE is dead.” She just said that David is dead, so New York thought she was talking about Liza Minnelli’s gorgeous ex-husband David Gest who is also in the house. . I don’t know whether to laugh, cry or laugh cry.
Is The Celebrity Big Brother House Strong Enough To Contain The Natural Beauty Of David Gest AND New York?
Celebrity Big Brother UK started tonight and the producers really lived up to their show’s name by shoving the house full of a whole lot of A-list celebrity star power. The list of houseguests reads like the list of presenters at the Oscars. This year’s group of fame whore wrecks who will entertain us for a quick check includes a bunch of British celebrity types I’ve never heard of, Gemma Collins, David Bowie’s ex-wife Angie Bowie, rubber leech Johnathon Cheban (who somehow managed to surgically remove his tongue from Kim Kartrashian’s anus), David Gest (the hunk of plastic hotness who wooed Liza Minnelli) and NEW YORK! See what I mean? This awards season is going to be drier than a scarecrow’s asshole, because all of the real stars are in the CBB house!
But back to my headline question: Is The Celebrity Big Brother House Strong Enough To Contain The Natural Beauty Of David Gest AND New York?
Take a look at David Gest looking like a googly-eyed goldfish in a badly made Harald Gloocker mask. Now take a look at New York looking like a Dollar Tree Chaka Khan doll that was left in the dryer too long.
The answer is obviously: NO! Celebrity Big Brother UK is going to be canceled tomorrow morning after the roof and walls of the house collapse while trying to hold in the explosive natural beauty of David Gest and New York!
Backdoor Farrah And Janice Dickinson Were Evicted From Celebrity Big Brother, But They’re Still Bringing The Messiness
While in the Celebrity Big Brother UK house, Backdoor Farrah threatened to commit mass murder over a broken flip-flop and she fought every chance she got. Well, Farrah was evicted from the house last week and she’s still bringing her signature brand of crazy bitch drama to show. Both Jenna Jameson and Janice Dickinson were evicted last night and they joined Backdoor Farrah on the Celebrity Big Brother after-show Bit On The Side. The show ended with Backdoor Farrah getting kicked out the backdoor after shit got violent. That all sounds about right.
On the list of Worst Places To Die, I’m sure “in the Celebrity Big Brother House while surrounded by Backdoor Farrah and the Hitler-loving spirit of Tila Tequila“ is somewhere at the top. That night terror almost became a reality when Janice Dickinson had a medical emergency and nearly had the Grim Reaper knocking on the front door.
Even though Janice’s lips look like they’ve been stung by all the bees, she’s deathly allergic to them. Yesterday, Janice was stung by a bee in the Celebrity Big Brother house and she ran to the Diary Room where she begged producers to get her some medical attention or an EpiPen or some Benadryl or Dr. House or something! Someone! Janice said that her hands were turning black and was afraid it would go to her heart. After a guy, from security I think, went into the Diary Room to check on Janice, she had a seizure, fell onto the floor and continued to have a seizure. Celebrity Big Brother is extremely smooth, because they cut from Janice on the floor to the audience clapping. Janice’s bumblebee medical emergency starts at around the 8:37 mark in the clip below:
Janice was taken to the hospital where she treated and released after a few hours. Sources tell TMZ Janice didn’t bring an EpiPen with her into the house and the situation became really serious and she could’ve died. Metro UK says that Janice has fully recovered and is back in the house. Before Janice almost died, she got in trouble with CBB after she pretended to spit on Austin Armacost. She apparently apologized to him.
Some viewers were pissed at Channel 5 for showing Janice freaking out. It must be refreshing to live in a bubble where you actually think that a network won’t use someone having a seizure for ratings.
When Janice was on Finland’s Next Top Model, she fell down the stairs. When Janice was on I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here!, she was taken to the hospital in an ambulance. And now this! If Janice does another reality show, she better bring the entire cast of Trauma: Life In The ER (never forget) with her.
Tila Tequila Has Already Been Kicked Out Of The Celebrity Big Brother House For Being A Hitler Sympathizer Once
I just love it when a picture gives you several options for you to label as “My Thoughts Exactly.” Do you go with the thumbs down on the left or do you go with the bored lady on the right who’s thinking to herself, “This
For the next few weeks, every event in Hollywood will be severely lacking in A-list stars, because many of them are over in England doing Celebrity Big Brother. CBB is doing a UK vs. US theme this season and the American cast includes: Tila Tequila, Backdoor Farrah, Jenna Jameson, Daniel Baldwin, Austin Armacost (from The A-List: New York), Fatman Scoop and Janice Dickinson. I know, it’s amazing that the walls of the CBB house didn’t immediately topple over from the massive force of all of that star power. I’m sure it’s only a matter of time, but the walls are feeling a little less pressure today, because Tila Tequila has been kicked out.
The Walls Of The Celebrity Big Brother House Won’t Be Able To Contain All This Glamour, Star Power And Sophistication For Long
The spit, cum, pigeon shit and half-broken Ikea dowels that hold together the walls of the Celebrity Big Brother UK house are trying to keep it together, but it’s only a matter of time before they completely lose it while trying to contain all the throbbing mega servings of talent, prestige and perfection in there. The Detective La Toya in me thinks this season’s casting decisions are all part of an insurance scheme. Channel 5 knows that if they shove that much status and class into one house, the walls won’t be able to take it for long and they’ll blow right off. Then Channel 5 can collect the studio owners insurance money. I’m on to you, Channel 5.
The 14th season of CBB UK started up again last night and while assembling the cast, Channel 5 and the producers really reached high up into the galaxy to grab the brightest and biggest stars. The all-star A-list cast is led by Gary Busey and it includes the French dew drop from Rock of Love 2 Frenchy, Stephanie Pratt, Kelly Brook’s piece David McIntosh, Edele Lynch from B*witched, Leslie Jordan (Leslie Jordan, has it come to this?!) and a bunch of hos I don’t know.
Do Brits even know who Frenchy is? Whores like me know who Frenchy is, because she’s done pizza porn, Rock of Love 2 and a few other Vh1 shows, but I didn’t think she was known at all in the UK. What am I saying? Of course you Brits know who this jewel of France is. Duchess Kate has said many times that Frenchy, the reincarnation of Marie Antoinette, is her style and beauty icon.
If I had to put my weekly weed money on a winner, I’d put it all on Frenchy. The game will end in less than 10 hours and Frenchy will be the last one standing. Because as soon as she gets completely naked (which she will if she hasn’t already) and reveals her natural goddess body to the house, the houseguests will immediately pass out and will have to be rushed to the hospital to be treated for exposure to potent amounts of sheer beauty. Frenchy for the win!