Category: Cee Lo Green
CeeLo Green Fell Off A Poor Horse At Shawty Lo’s Birthday Party
CeeLo Green once said, “Yeah, I’m sorry, I can’t afford a Ferrari,” so instead, he decided to pull up to the club on a horse. In the past few years, CeeLo’s career took a tumble when he pleaded no contest in 2014 to furnishing a controlled substance to a woman who accused him of drugging and sexually assaulting her, which ultimately lost him his gig on The Voice. Now once again, CeeLo fell from grace after falling off a horse while making an entrance into an Atlanta nightclub last night for Shawty Lo’s birthday- and no, the horse’s name isn’t grace.
CeeLo Green Thinks Female Rappers Like Cardi B And Megan Thee Stallion Are “Shameless” (UPDATE)
CeeLo Green took time out of his busy day of leading Willy Wonka’s workforce to talk shit about Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion‘s WAP. CeeLo is on Team Pearl Clutchers and spoke to Far Out Magazine, calling the two “shameless” and “desperate” and suggested female rappers were immoral these days. Yeah, I miss wholesome 2003 female rap when Lil’ Kim rapped about her ill-deep throat and making a Sprite can disappear in her mouth, which shocked a teenage me. That sounded so dangerous! A Sprite can could block her airway!
Did A Cell Phone Really Try To Murder CeeLo Green Or Is This Fake?
Hollywood Life claims that early this morning, CeeLo Green was at a recording studio when his phone exploded on his face, sending him to the floor. MediaTakeOut was the first to post the surveillance footage of a phone shooting out an unwanted fireworks show on CeeLo. The video is below and after the phone goes BOOM, a stream of smoke appears for a second before the security camera footage dramatically scrambles like some Blair Witch shit.
Some are saying the phone that exploded was a Samsung Galaxy 7, which as everyone knows was sent to the cell phone graveyard by Samsung earlier this year after it kept heating up and exploding.
MTO claims that they’ve asked CeeLo’s people about this video and so far they’ve said nothing to anybody. No word if this is real. No word if this is fake. No word if CeeLo’s okay. No word if CeeLo was saying, “Yeah, so it’s only rape if the chick knows she’s being raped,” and the phone said fuck this and exploded. No word of any of that. Maybe this is CeeLo’s way of commenting on fake news?
CeeLo Green’s Shitty Comments About Rape Cost Him Another Job
Those heave-inducing comments that Jabba the Hutt’s creeper cousin, CeeLo Green, made about rape are still kicking him hard in the ass. Earlier this week, the lead member of Oz’s The Roofie Guild, tweeted (and quickly deleted) a series of shit-covered tweets where he said that rape victims remember being raped and it’s only rape if the person is conscious and knows they’re being raped. C-Word Green barfed up those tweets after he pleaded no contest to “giving” a controlled substance to a woman who claims he raped her after drugging her. CeeLo shat up an apology that wasn’t an apology at all and it wasn’t enough. TBS canceled his reality show (although, they said the cancelation had nothing to do with the diarrhea that spilled out of his mouth) and this morning Nola.com reported that he was dropped as headliner of Louisiana’s Gretna Heritage Festival, which will start on October 3rd. Organizers said in a statement that they want nothing to do with the mutant goiter after what he said about rape.
“Our community does not condone these disparaging remarks delivered by Cee Lo Green, and we feel this entertainer does not represent what our festival is about and has achieved over the past 20 years.”
CeeLo has been replaced with Joan Jett and the Blackhearts. Joan Jett replacing CeeLo Green is the reason why the word “upgrade” exists.
At this point, CeeLo might only be able to book a co-headlining spot with R. Kelly at Roman Polanski’s 1st Annual Roofies Appreciation Festival, because he also lost another job. CeeLoo was supposed to perform at the Navy’s JBAB Freedom Live show in DC on September 20th, but they announced yesterday that they are washing their hands clean of him:
“Unfortunately, one of the performers we signed for the JBAB Freedom Live show on 20 September recently posted comments on social media that we consider to completely inconsistent with Navy core values. Regardless of intent or context, the lack of sensitivity towards an issue that is one of the great challenges facing our Navy is unacceptable.”
Hmmm… You know you’re way past the point of “I fucked up” when the US military throws a stank eye at you over something you said about rape.
CeeLo Green Wet Farted Up Another Non-Apology After His Show On TBS Got Canceled
One snot bubble of a non-apology wasn’t enough for CeeLo Green, so he snorted out a second snot bubble of a non-apology.
The chunky Ghoulie found himself neck deep in a whole lot of cold shit the other day when he told his Twitter followers that it’s not rape if the person is unconscious and doesn’t remember it happening. Those diarrhea-embedded tweets came out of CeeLo after he pleaded “no contest” to one felony count of furnishing a controlled substance. The woman he drugged claims he also raped her, but he’s always denied that. The day after CeeLo schooled everyone on the definition of rape, TBS canceled his reality show The Good Life and a source claims that the cancellation has nothing to do with the smegma he spewed and they had already planned to throw his show in a grave before he said that shit. Sure they did.
After his show was killed, the diabolical bowling bowl once again went into damage control mode and tried to tweet another apology, but this “sorry, not sorry” pile of vomit came out instead:
“Comments attributed to me on Twitter…” That’s a new one. Wait, is that CeeLo’s way of saying that he doesn’t remember tweeting that shit? Well then, those tweets never happened and let’s all move along. Because dumbasses who tweet stupid crap about rape REMEMBER.
CeeLo Green Doesn’t Know How Rape Works
A couple of years ago, a woman told police that while on a date with CeeLo Green, he allegedly snuck MDMA into her drink and after she passed out, he raped her. At the time, the long-lost twin of Pile of Chet from Weird Science admitted to “giving” the woman MDMA and having sex with her, but denied raping her. CeeLo was charged with drugging the woman, a felony, and the rape charge was dropped due to lack of evidence. CeeLo recently pleaded “no contest” to the drugging charge and he was sentenced to probation and community service. CeeLo probably should’ve left it at that, but he just couldn’t help himself. Yesterday on Twitter, CeeLo dribbled out an incoherent shit stream of words where he said that it’s only rape if the person is conscious. Satan, please come and get your child, because it’s too early in the week for dumbassery like this.
Before CeeLo hit the delete button on all of his tweets, Love B. Scott (via Buzzfeed) got screen shots of them. CeeLo tried to school his followers on the true meaning of “rape” by telling them that it’s not rape if the person who was raped doesn’t remember they were raped. What in “tree falling in a forest” HELL is this midget T-rex talking about? The tweets are after the cut. CAUTION: You will lose at least one brain cell while reading them.