When us regulars are at the airport, we’re usually wearing sweats (or pajama jeans if you’re upper middle class and want the world to know it), an oversized hoodie, an ugly t-shirt and a glamorous neck pillow necklace. And we’re lugging around a carry-on bag that we had to overstuff with shit we pulled out of our checked-in luggage because we didn’t want to pay the stupid extra fee. But when millionaire movie stars go to the airport, they wear a casual travelin’ tuxedo and diamonds, and they don’t have to worry about spraining their delicate hands by carrying luggage. That’s why God gave hands to porters, assistants and bodyguards.
After landing at LAX yesterday, Catherine Zeta-Jones sashayed on through the airport while dressed like Carmen Sandiego going to a mobster’s nighttime funeral. That is a movie star, dahling! Because of those glasses and that hat, it looks like CZJ was in a “don’t look at me (but look at me” disguise, and I’m sure that as soon as the paps started snapping at her, she screamed, “Leave me alone! How on earth did you vultures recognize me, Oscar-winning film star, wife of Michael Douglas and QVC couture bedspread designer Catherine Zeta-Jones!?!”
Bitchiness aside, CZJ should be wearing a disguise. I mean, she’s walking amongst the dirty, smelly peasants at a public airport. Shouldn’t she be at a private airport? How embarrassing! She must be going broke.
At times it feels like there’s no more room left in the world of celebrity lifestyle pushers for anyone new, what with Gwyneth Paltrow’s giant ego taking up the majority of space. But maybe the shutting down of Meghan Markle’s lifestyle blog created a little sliver of extra room, and the person trying to fill it is Catherine Zeta-Jones.
During the Super Bowl, a couple of promos for Ryan Murphy’s Feud aired. No, they weren’t at all out of place. They fit in perfectly since this year’s Super Bowl was the gayest event of 2017. I mean, it had Lady Gaga, men in tights and a dramatic plot twist.
As everyone knows by now, the first season of Feud is all about the battle royale that Bette Davis and Joan Crawford busted out while making Whatever Happened To Baby Jane? One of the promos shows Catherine Zeta-Jones camping it up to kingdom come as Olivia de Havilland and the other one shows Bette Davis (Susan Sarandon) kick at Joan Crawford (Jessica Lange) while shooting a scene. Ryan Murphy really made the wrong decision when he didn’t get Alaska and Alyssa Edwards to do that scene for Susan and Jessica.
Alleged plastic surgery virgin and “Deadliest Vagina“ star Catherine Zeta-Jones was annoyed by some pics of her bikini-ed ass that the paparazzi took of her on Turkey Day vacation in Mexico. The Huffington Post reports that she promptly took that ass to her Instagram to show it off the RIGHT way.
It feels like I was slapped in the face with casting news after casting news today, and sadly for me, none of the news is about how Hollywood is doing something right for once by making an all-gay reboot of Showgirls called Showgays starring Matt Boner and Cheyenne Jackson. I’ve lumped up all the news into one post and it works because every one of these projects has the potential to be a big, sloppy, gay mess or just a big, sloppy mess.
Even though there’s probably a bunch of doctors in Beverly Hills who are muttering “Sure, Jan” while trying to pick out which parts of her body were custom and which were off the rack, Catherine Zeta-Jones is here to tell you that 0% of her was created in a surgeon’s office. CZJ was asked about getting older during an interview with Good Housekeeping UK (via People). Catherine let it be known she’s on Team Nip N’ Tuck, but technically she’s just a bench warmer right now, because she’s never had plastic surgery.
“You don’t have to be a beauty queen to be an actress. The roles that are coming my way are different and more interesting. But I’m not anti-plastic surgery at all. Contrary to public opinion, I have not been under the knife…yet, is what I say! If I feel like it, I’m going to go ahead and do it! If (surgery) makes you feel better, who am I to tell someone that it’s wrong?”
Catherine Zeta-Jones doesn’t exactly have the face of a real housewife after discount day at The International House of Plastics, so I don’t know if she’s telling the truth or not. But I’m sure there’s a couple people on the internet that have a PhD in Hollywood Face Work that might like to weigh in with their opinion.
Or maybe CZJ is telling the truth, but it’s Lionel Hutz’s The Truth. Catherine Zeta-Jones says she’s never “been under the knife“, but maybe there’s procedure you can get where the plastic surgeon operates underneath you. Or maybe she’s playing fast and lose with the word knife. “I guess you could say it was technically more of a blade.”