It’s a rite of passage in every young girl’s life. As one passes into her teenage years, it’s time for her to reflect and take stock of her life for the pages of Town & Country magazine. Carys Zeta Douglas, daughter of Catherine Zeta Jones and Michael Douglas, has just crossed that milestone. It makes me so very nostalgic. I cast my memory back to when I turned 15 and did my T&C spread and remember what an exhilarating and liberating experience it was. Finally, somebody showed interest in my interests, which included trying to put Clan of The Cave Bears back in the exact same spot on the bookshelf so my mom wouldn’t know I was reading it for the dirty parts, and trying to give the dog a purple mohawk using colored hair mousse. Carys has acquitted herself with similar aplomb. In her spread, she revealed that she used to think her dad was a professional pancake maker.
Us homely-faced poors needs to stop feeling bad about not being stunning in the mug and having to put items back at the Target cash wrap area because our card got declined. There’s someone out there who has it much, much worse. Poor Catherine Zeta-Jones has had to go through life apologizing for taking breaths away with her beauty and causing temporarily blindness with the sparkle rays shooting off of her rich lady diamonds. But the days of having to be faux humble about her stunning looks and overflowing bank account are behind her. CZJ is keeping Stephanie Yellowhair’s legacy alive by saying, “Excuse my beauty…. and diamonds!”
When that long Golden Globes montage to 101-year-old Kirk Douglas ended on Sunday, I was mainly enraptured by his daughter-in-law Catherine Zeta-Jones’ blowout (and apparently so was Kirk), thinking it was about to snatch away Oprah’s Cecil B. DeMille Award since it was contributing plenty to television in just its three minutes of air time. Alas, others thought the whole pomp and circumstance was brutally tone deaf the same night where “Time’s Up!” was the message since Kirk is said to have been a Grade-A Hollywood predator when he allegedly raped Natalie Wood back in the day. Continue reading
When us regulars are at the airport, we’re usually wearing sweats (or pajama jeans if you’re upper middle class and want the world to know it), an oversized hoodie, an ugly t-shirt and a glamorous neck pillow necklace. And we’re lugging around a carry-on bag that we had to overstuff with shit we pulled out of our checked-in luggage because we didn’t want to pay the stupid extra fee. But when millionaire movie stars go to the airport, they wear a casual travelin’ tuxedo and diamonds, and they don’t have to worry about spraining their delicate hands by carrying luggage. That’s why God gave hands to porters, assistants and bodyguards.
After landing at LAX yesterday, Catherine Zeta-Jones sashayed on through the airport while dressed like Carmen Sandiego going to a mobster’s nighttime funeral. That is a movie star, dahling! Because of those glasses and that hat, it looks like CZJ was in a “don’t look at me (but look at me” disguise, and I’m sure that as soon as the paps started snapping at her, she screamed, “Leave me alone! How on earth did you vultures recognize me, Oscar-winning film star, wife of Michael Douglas and QVC couture bedspread designer Catherine Zeta-Jones!?!”
Bitchiness aside, CZJ should be wearing a disguise. I mean, she’s walking amongst the dirty, smelly peasants at a public airport. Shouldn’t she be at a private airport? How embarrassing! She must be going broke.
At times it feels like there’s no more room left in the world of celebrity lifestyle pushers for anyone new, what with Gwyneth Paltrow’s giant ego taking up the majority of space. But maybe the shutting down of Meghan Markle’s lifestyle blog created a little sliver of extra room, and the person trying to fill it is Catherine Zeta-Jones.
During the Super Bowl, a couple of promos for Ryan Murphy’s Feud aired. No, they weren’t at all out of place. They fit in perfectly since this year’s Super Bowl was the gayest event of 2017. I mean, it had Lady Gaga, men in tights and a dramatic plot twist.
As everyone knows by now, the first season of Feud is all about the battle royale that Bette Davis and Joan Crawford busted out while making Whatever Happened To Baby Jane? One of the promos shows Catherine Zeta-Jones camping it up to kingdom come as Olivia de Havilland and the other one shows Bette Davis (Susan Sarandon) kick at Joan Crawford (Jessica Lange) while shooting a scene. Ryan Murphy really made the wrong decision when he didn’t get Alaska and Alyssa Edwards to do that scene for Susan and Jessica.