Category: Catherine Zeta-Jones

Kirk Douglas Was Named By Natalie Wood’s Sister As Her Alleged Assailant

November 4, 2021 / Posted by:

It seems like just yesterday that Catherine Zeta-Jones was rolling out the withered husk of Kirk Douglas on stage at the Golden Globes, much to the dismay of many who either weren’t ready to see the ravages 100 years takes on the human body in high def, and/or didn’t want to see a man suspected of raping a 16-year-old Natalie Wood heralded as a hero. According to The Guardian, Natalie’s sister Lana Wood has completed her memoir, Little Sister, and with its publication, “one of Hollywood’s darkest rumors” has been corroborated. Lana says that since Kirk has died, she feels like she’s not betraying her sister by revealing that he was Natalie’s alleged rapist. Poor Lana probably woke up every morning for the last 20 years checking her Google alerts going “damn, how this bitch is STILL ALIVE?

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Catherine Zeta-Jones Will Play Morticia Addams In Netflix’s “Wednesday”

August 10, 2021 / Posted by:

Wednesday is the Tim Burton-directed Netflix series which is currently in production. The show will revolve around Wednesday Addams of The Addams Family, as she attends the Nevermore Academy solving mysteries and being a teen and such. The series stars Jenna Ortega (of the second season of You) as Wednesday who is a cute young actress who screams CW series–so clearly they needed to find a full-on vampy MILF vibe if they wanted the perfect Morticia Addams for the series. And boy did they hit the nail on the head, bitch! The unapologetically glamorous and wealthy Catherine Zeta-Jones will be the new Morticia Addams. We just know that Morticia’s going to have the perfect smokey eye thanks to CZJ’s signature pencils!

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Open Post: Hosted By Catherine Zeta-Jones’ “Extremely Large” Zucchinis

June 16, 2021 / Posted by:

You’ve seen Cathrine Zeta-Jones. I don’t need to tell you she is glamour personified. She’s living that rich, femme d’un certain age, caftan, and vintage statement pieces lifestyle I aspire to. The only thing missing from my mood board is widowhood (though she’s working on that). But according to Hello Magazine, Catherine’s lifestyle isn’t just comprised of decadent lounging and gesturing towards carafes you’d like the help to refill, it also includes light gardening. Catherine recently introduced her followers to a bumper crop of “stupendous courgettes,” “laid out on a bench that had been grown in her very own vegetable patch.” Because why use store-bought dildos when you can grow your very own?

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Open Post: Hosted By Catherine Zeta Jones’ Instagram Promo For Her New Eye Pencil

August 31, 2020 / Posted by:

Picture this: you’re Catherine Zeta-Jones. An Oscar winner with a sultry Welsh accent and a possibly fatal pussy. Now that you’ve finally conquered your guilt over being the gorgeous wife of a movie STAH, you’re ready to take on the world with a lifestyle brand that’s been in the works for years.

It’s the night before your new Casa Zeta-Jones smokey eye pencil is finally ready to launch, and you can barely contain your excitement! To calm your nerves, you pour yourself a glass of red wine. Then another. And another. As you finish off the bottle, you think, “Fuck it. The people need to know NOW!” You grab your phone and record a spur-of-the-moment announcement video. Sure, the pencil keeps getting caught in your hair, but there’s no need for another take since you BROUGHT. IT.

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Modesty Reigned Supreme On The SAG Awards Red Carpet

January 20, 2020 / Posted by:

I don’t know which Project Runway reject fucked up the Overstock.com bedsheet challenge this badly either. And to think, we were so worried about Lizzo getting her juice all over the folding chairs at The Staples Center, we forgot to worry about potential coochie-contact with the upholstered seats at the Shrine Auditorium. However, Sarah Hyland’s short and confusing floral 4th of July bunting skirt was an outlier. For the most part, the outfits on display at last night’s Screen Actors’ Guild Awards were a lot more conservative, ranging from the tiered ruffles and billowy chiffon of a modest religious sect, to tailored suits. On ladies! Hollywood is confusing.

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Catherine Zeta-Jones And Carys Douglas Did A Mother/Daughter Ad Campaign For Fendi

October 31, 2019 / Posted by:

Carys Douglas dresses up as Catherine Zeta-Jones Junior everyday, not just on Halloween. When your mom’s a famous glamorpuss and you’re an aspiring model, there’s no better way to pad that resume than to do cute twinsy photoshoots with your mom for bougie magazines like Vanity Fair and Town & Country. So when Fendi calls and wants to send you and moms to Rome for an ad campaign, even though you’ve been to Rome like a million times, you go. WWD reports that CZJ and CZJJ were “the protagonists” in a Fendi campaign for their Peekaboo bag. I guess that makes the Peekabo bag the villain who holds them up at knife point under the Ponte Fabricio. Shit, even handbags gotta have a backstory and a character arc these days.

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