The 2011 Razzie “Winners” Announced!

When I typed “raspberries” into one of the photo agency databases, this picture of the First Lady of New York, Sandra Lee, with a plate of Pissbury (Freudian slip that is staying) Cinnamon Rolls, sweetened Elmer’s glue and thawed out frozen raspberries came up first. It seemed like the most fitting image to go with the winners list from this year’s Razzie Awards. Because if anybody knows how to sweeten a semi-digested raspberry floating in a toilet, it’s Sandra Lee!!!!

Last night in Hollywood, the most-anticipated awards show of the season took place and lo and fucking behold, The Last Airbender and Sex and the City 2 were the big winners (aka losers)! The Last Airbender, a kidney stone that was expelled by the mind of M. Night Shamalamadingdong, won 5 golden dingle trophies including Worst Picture of the Year. SATC2, a menopause rash scraped off of SJP’s ass, won three awards including Worst Ensemble.

Normally, I’d whip out my shank at anybody who disrespects Mrs. Rojo Caliente, but she’s not innocent in this attack on humanity. Even I can agree on that. Besides, that gold-plated trophy will look extra special next to the gleaming garden of copper wires on Rojo Caliente’s head. It’s a win! And here’s a list of 2010’s worst of the worst:

WORST PICTURE
THE LAST AIRBENDER

WORST ACTOR
Ashton Kutcher / KILLERS and VALENTINE’S DAY

WORST ACTRESS
The Four “Gal Pals” / SEX & THE CITY #2
(Sarah Jessica Parker, Kim Cattrall, Kristin Davis & Cynthia Nixon)

WORST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Jessica Alba / THE KILLER INSIDE ME, LITTLE FOCKERS, MACHETE and VALENTINE’S DAY

WORST SUPPORTING ACTOR
Jackson Rathbone / THE LAST AIRBENDER and TWILIGHT SAGA: ECLIPSE

WORST EYE-GOUGING MIS-USE of 3-D (Special Category for 2010!)
THE LAST AIRBENDER (Released in “Fake 3-D”)

WORST SCREEN COUPLE / WORST SCREEN ENSEMBLE
The Entire Cast of SEX & THE CITY #2

WORST DIRECTOR
M. Night Shyamalan / THE LAST AIRBENDER

WORST SCREENPLAY
LAST AIRBENDER Written by M. Night Shyamalan,
Based on the TV series created by Michael Dante DiMartino and Brian Konietzko

WORST PREQUEL, REMAKE, RIP-OFF or SEQUEL (Combined Category for 2010)
SEX & THE CITY #2

And now we know that the true killer inside MiserAlba is her acting skills. Spy Kids 4 starring MiserAlba is coming out soon, so it looks like she’s well on her way to topping her 2010 record. I can’t wait.

Congrats to all the Razzie recipients! They are the real winners in my bowels.

Casey Johnson Died Of Natural Causes

The L.A. County Coroner is busy today. The Coroner already released Brittany Murphy’s cause of death and now they put out a statement on the death of Casey Johnson. The Coroner said that the specific cause of death will be listed as “diabetic ketoacidosis.” Casey suffered from a severe case of diabetes.

The same source who probably spilled the shit about Brittany’s autopsy tells TMZ that Casey simply didn’t take care of her illness. It sounds like Casey gave up. She didn’t take her insulin shots, didn’t exercise, was probably boozing and ate stuff she shouldn’t have been eating. Before her death, Casey had to be hospitalized twice for falling into a diabetic coma.

Another source tells People that police believe Casey was partying the night before and didn’t take her insulin shots. Also, riding on the fuckery express with “you know who” probably didn’t help matters at all.

Eff The Oscars, The Razzie Nominations Are Here

The Razzies, which dishonors the Heidi Montags of the film world, nominations were announced this morning, and something tells me the Twitards are holding an emergency meeting in front of the Hot Topic at the mall to discuss how they are going to handle the fact that RPattz was nominated not once, but twice! This news is giving the Twitards the opposite case of panty pudding, which I do believe is butt pudding. They’re going to need a bigger Twilight diaper.

Sandra Bullock also got a Razzie nomination for All About Steve. So there’s a good chance she could get a Razzie one night, and an Oscar the next for that feature length Campbell’s Soup commercial.

Here’s some of the nominations. Transformers: Revenge of Megan Fox’s Acting and Land of the Lost tied for the most nominated with 7. This year, the Razzies will also name a worst actor and actress of the decade. Since I’ve seen more Razzie nominated movies than Oscar nominated movies, I’ve highlighted my picks. The things Sienna Miller is going to do with her golden dingle award!

WORST PICTURE OF 2009
“All About Steve”
“G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra”
“Land of the Lost”
“Old Dogs””
“Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen” (a.k.a. “Trannies, Too”)

WORST ACTOR OF 2009
All Three Jonas Brothers, “Jonas Brothers: The 3-D Concert Experience”
Will Ferrell, “Land of the Lost”
Steve Martin, “Pink Panther 2”
Eddie Murphy, “Imagine That”
John Travolta, “Old Dogs”

WORST ACTRESS Of 2009
Beyonce, “Obsessed”
Sandra Bullock, “All About Steve”
Myley Cyrus, “Hannah Montana: The Movie”
Megan Fox, “Jennifer’s Body” and “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen”
Sarah Jessica Parker, “Did You Hear About the Morgans?”

WORST SCREEN COUPLE OF 2009
Any Two (or More) Jonas Brothers, “The Jonas Brothers 3-D Concert Experience”
Sandra Bullock and Bradley Cooper, “All About Steve”
Will Ferrell and any co-star, Creature or “Comic Riff,” “Land of the Lost”
Shia Lebouf & Either Megan Fox or Any Transformer, “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen”
Kristin Stewart and either Robert Pattinson or Taylor Whatz-His-Fang, “Twilight Saga: New Moon”

WORST SUPPORTING ACTRESS OF 2009
Candice Bergen, “Bride Wars”
Ali Larter, “Obsessed”
Sienna Miller, “G.I. Joe”
Kelly Preston,”Old Dogs”
Julie White (as Mom), “Trannies, Too”

WORST SUPPORTING ACTOR OF 2009
Billy Ray Cyrus, “Hannah Montana: The Movie”
Hugh Hefner (as himself), “Miss March”
Robert Pattinson, “Twilight Saga: New Moon”
Jorma Taccone (as Cha-Ka), “Land of the Lost”
Marlon Wayans, “G.I. Joe”

WORST PICTURE OF THE DECADE
“Battlefield Earth” (2000)
“Freddy Got Fingered” (2001)
“Gigli” (2003)
“I Know Who Killed Me” (2007)
“Swept Away” (2002)

WORST ACTOR OF THE DECADE
Ben Affleck – “Daredevil,” “Gigli,” “Jersey Girl,” “Paycheck,” “Pearl Harbor,” “Surviving Christmas”
Eddie Murphy – “Adventures of Pluto Nash,” “I Spy,” “Imagine That,” “Meet Dave,” “Norbit,” “Showtime”
Mike Myers – “Cat in the Hat,” “The Love Guru”
Rob Schneider – “The Animal,” “Benchwarmers,” “Deuce Bigalo: European Gigolo,” “Grandma’s Boy,” “The Hot Chick,” “I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry,” “Little Man,” “Little Nicky”
John Travolta – “Battlefield Earth,” “Domestic Disturbance,” “Lucky Numbers,” “Old Dogs,” “Swordfish”

WORST ACTRESS OF THE DECADE
Mariah Carey – “Glitter”
Paris Hilton – “The Hottie & The Nottie,” “House of Whacks,” “Repo: The Genetic Opera”
Lindsay Lohan – “Herbie Fully Loaded,” “I Know Who Killed Me,” “Just My Luck”
Jennifer Lopez – “Angel Eyes,” “Enough,” “Gigli,” “Jersey Girl,” “Maid in Manhattan,” “Monster-in-Law,” “The Wedding Planner”
Madonna – “Die Another Day,” “The Next Best Thing,” “Swept Away”

Click here for the full list